Should I split the bills by proportion?

Wicksta said:
No no no, don't you try and turn it around like that. I have said many times in this thread that different arrangements work for different people. I have proved how *for us* the way we doing things works much better. It is far more practical for us to check our own statements for fraudulent transactions etc. because we know what we bought and when. YOU are the one saying that your way is better for everyone because otherwise somehow it shows their relationship is not genuine.
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Making assumptions again.

I was referring to marriage and the commitment implied by that marriage should include financial as well as emotional commitment in answer to yer_averagejoe who said he would change from a 50-50 split to a proportional split if he were married. My idea of what marriage is about is different from his, I feel that it is about sharing your lives, that includes financially as well as emotionally and that (to me anyway) not making a financial commitment within a marriage implies some kind of reticence to fully commit or trust that relationship in some way. That is not to say that is always the case or that I am some kind of oracle regarding what a marriage should be, only that is how I feel about my marriage.

I also made it abundantly clear that people are free to live as they choose, and that I simply see no reason to keep my income or financial position from my wife.

Your answer to that was to say this:

Wicksta said:
So it's some kind of status/trust/insecurity issue then? .
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Wicksta said:
...... there is some underlying psychological reason you feel so strongly about it. Control issues or something?
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making assumptions of psychological issues I may have, then went on a tirade of assumptions of my relationship in general.


Your practical reasons for your arrangements hold no advantage over mine as you seem to imply as they are not exclusive to you system. Checking accounts for fraudulent transactions is as simple as saying "Honey, did you spend £500 last Thursday?" when looking at the account. If you wish to keep what you earn and spend from your wife then fine your system has that advantage, I see no reason, practical or otherwise to do this so your practicality argument is moot.

That it works for you is great, I only pointed out that if your circumstances change (kids, unemployment etc) that your system, as my friends have found out, would be practically useless and need changing otherwise you will find yourself in the same situation as them regarding their relationship, whereas the way we do it nothing would change only the relevant decrease in the budget.


Wicksta said:
In your case, yes I certainly believe there are some underlying issues by the way you are straight in this kind of thread every time.
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hahaha. I see having an opinion means that I have an underlying psychological issue. You cannot reconcile your argument so you seek to dismiss my opinion as being the product of a psychosis. I suppose that [FNG]Magnolia, Basher, Reza86 etc are also suffereing from this psychosis. Lolworthy.

BTW, you entered this thread before I did, as well as participating in the others that I have done, so ultimately if I have some form of issue, you share it.
 
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Castiel said:
That it works for you is great, I only pointed out that if your circumstances change (kids, unemployment etc) that your system, as my friends have found out, would be practically useless and need changing otherwise you will find yourself in the same situation as them regarding their relationship, whereas the way we do it nothing would change only the relevant decrease in the budget.
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If you're not even going to read my posts then there is no point me bothering to reply. I've already stated that my partner has already had a period of unemployment and more recently 13 months maternity leave. We have gone through your worst case scenarios without even batting an eyelid. The only difference to my 'system' then was that I put extra into the joint account. It was such a non-issue that I can't even remember discussing it with her but then money isn't high up our list of priorities when it comes to our relationship.
 
I think you need financial transparency in a relationship for it to work long term. This doesn't mean every penny has to go into one joint account nor does it mean you need to know to the penny what each other spends.

It requires two adults to actually take time and talk to each other about such issues.

I know a lot of people who have trouble with their relationships over money and it isn't mostly due to the lack of money rather how it is spent. However I don't think you can say one persons way of doing it is better than another's. As long as there is trust and honesty it doesn't really matter how it works. I doubt the system me and Mrs. LordSplodge have would work for anybody but us.
 
Wicksta said:
If you're not even going to read my posts then there is no point me bothering to reply. I've already stated that my partner has already had a period of unemployment and more recently 13 months maternity leave. We have gone through your worst case scenarios without even batting an eyelid. The only difference to my 'system' then was that I put extra into the joint account. It was such a non-issue that I can't even remember discussing it with her but then money isn't high up our list of priorities when it comes to our relationship.
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It is good that your wife and yourself have such priorities, however that is not always the case especially in low income households.

While I accept that different things work for different people, I personally do not see the issue of having a totally joint financial arrangement within a marriage, especially seeing the issues that separate arrangements has had on friends of ours with regard to their relationship.


I assume you gave your wife an Allowance as well, or was she entirely reliant on what was left after the bills etc... for money? It seems to me that you are basically saying that you are the breadwinner, but here is your pocket money.....and you accuse me of control.

EDIT. My wife has just come in from work and I asked her about how she would feel if I was the only breadwinner, if we has a similar arrangement, So that we have a joint account solely for household expenditure which we both contributed to while retaining our own accounts and personal finances, obviously when her income ceased I, as you did, increased the payments to cover the shortfall, with a little extra for her personal needs......her answer was that she would feel pretty put out and that she is not a paid employee of the household and that giving her an allowance so to speak is treating her exactly like that. I do not pay my wife to cook, clean and be a mother to my child and I realise that is not your intention and your partner may not feel that way, but it is how I would feel.
 
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Haha I wasn't accusing you of control, quite the opposite!

She had savings, maternity pay for a few months - as usual things like shopping etc. came out of the joint account and we worked out what we could afford to spend on luxuries which I chucked an amount on a prepaid credit card so we had a budget to stick to. I don't see how in any stretch of the imagine that could be construed as 'controlling'. She is an HR manager at a large software company, not the type of woman easily controlled believe me! :D

The only reason we even bothered with the prepaid credit card was that she wanted to take an extra 4 months maternity leave (was going to take 9 months) so obviously we hadn't budgeted for that and had to tighten our belts and watch spending, which worked out fine. Another reason we used the card was that you get text alerts when you spend anything telling you how much is left so it is excellent for keeping an eye on your balance.
 
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Wicksta said:
Haha I wasn't accusing you of control, quite the opposite!

She had savings, maternity pay for a few months - as usual things like shopping etc. came out of the joint account and we worked out what we could afford to spend on luxuries which I chucked an amount on a prepaid credit card so we had a budget to stick to. I don't see how in any stretch of the imagine that could be construed as 'controlling'. She is an HR manager at a large software company, not the type of woman easily controlled believe me! :D

The only reason we even bothered with the prepaid credit card was that she wanted to take an extra 4 months maternity leave (was going to take 9 months) so obviously we hadn't budgeted for that and had to tighten our belts and watch spending, which worked out fine. Another reason we used the card was that you get text alerts when you spend anything telling you how much is left so it is excellent for keeping an eye on your balance.
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The friends I was speaking of had a similar arrangement, only it had gotten to the point where her savings are all but gone and while she cannot afford any kind of luxuries for herself, her husband can pretty much do anything he wants.

It was this kind of arrangement that I was really denigrating, not one where you alter the terms of your arrangements according to the circumstances, although I still feel that it is a step too much separation in a marriage for me.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed and you had no income and had to rely on what your wife deemed was a fair allowance, and that she received a text alert every time you spent something. That would seriously do my head in tbh.
 
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I've missed all the interim posts since my arvo at work and can't be bothered to catch up. Just as an interesting alternative, a woman I work with has millions of joint accounts with her husband, each for a specific thing, i.e. one for mortgage, one for electricity, one for gas, one for food etc. To me that's the most mental set up imaginable! :D
 
Pudney said:
I've missed all the interim posts since my arvo at work and can't be bothered to catch up. Just as an interesting alternative, a woman I work with has millions of joint accounts with her husband, each for a specific thing, i.e. one for mortgage, one for electricity, one for gas, one for food etc. To me that's the most mental set up imaginable! :D
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Good God!

They must spend hours tying it all together.
 
Keep it 50:50 as it is simplest. I am sure you can find more romantic ways to spend money on her than upping your share of the bills!

I think it is bizarre to read of people splitting bills when they are married. Surely you may as well have joint accounts?
 
All the DirectDebits come from my account:

Rent, C-Tax, Sky, mobile phones, and the car

The Gf pays the other stuff:

Utility bills, Home Insurance, Tv license, Food

We've never really gone over what how much each of us pays, but its probly not that much different. as long as we both still have money, i don't think it really matters.
 
I think it depends on where you are in your relationship... personally I have a mortgage and children although not married and we put all of our money into one account.. I earn around 8 times what my partner does but at the end of the day we are a family and one unit.. not a collection of individuals..

We are both aware of the finances and if either of us wants to make a 'large' purchase then we would have a discussion about it... We both know what the monthly budget is and we trust that as we are both adults we will act accordingly.

A individuals contribution to a relationship or a family is not just a financial one.. so why judge it as such?
 
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loopylou said:
I earn about 50% more that my husband does, although he pays for everything ... before everyone yells at me, we can survive on his wages comfortably which means mine go into savings, pays for the big things etc.
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Interesting way of doing things! My parents have around a 30% difference in their wages but just put both into their joint account and my mum then sorts out what should be paid from that, leaving my dad with none of the blame if something doesn't get paid if the money is there lol. Definitely the way I'll be doing it :P

To add, if he wants anything, he only has to ask and my mum will buy him it and my mum doesn't exactly spend spend spend at the best of times anyway.

Must be nice though to solely be able to survive on 1 person lower wage, whilst having the other persons entire wage as capital lol.
 
We've always split on a percentage basis, and used our "own" money left over from that to make individual personal purchases and run our own cars.
 
My girlfriend and I put half of our take home pay into a joint account for mortgage (including overpayments), bills, joint purchases/treats and holidays. This seems pretty fair as the person who earns more will pay more, but also still have more in their own pocket at the end of the month.

It helps stop any pay differences from making the person earning less out of pocket when going on holidays, and stops the person earning more from not being able to eat out at nice places and go on nice holidays together.

I've been with her 5 years now though so we share things as if it was a marriage.
 
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Deadbeat said:
Nope, 50/50. It'd be fair if you used more phone/internet/gas/electricity than she did, but you should pay for what you use. Plus, there's always the risk of offending her by offering to cover more of her share, since she's so poor and all.
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this~

Maybe pay to take her out more since you have extra cash instead?
 
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