Should I split the bills by proportion?
- Thread starter knowlton
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We come full circle to the original question you raised about the meaning of marriage/relationships for different people. I cannot see the point in bringing money into it. You sit down once and work out how much you will both contribute to the joint aspects of life. Job done, never discuss money ever again until change of circumstance which do not happen very often
Soldato
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I would just get a joint account if you are going to do that kind of thing. But only after being together a few years atleast.
Associate
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You'll put your willy inside her, but turn to the internet for things like this?
I think maybe the problem is that you are putting far too much into the value of money when it comes to your relationship. The subject of money never comes up in Jez's or my relationships, apart from when my other half was temporarily out of work and on maternity leave. There were absolutely no issues because money isn't a bit part of our relationship.
It seems to be those with joint accounts have a problem with people not doing it the same way as them, I really don't understand why. What works for you works for you, what works for others works for them, why the strong feelings about it? I trust my other half implicitly which means I have no interest at all in checking everything that she spends, I have enough to go through on my statements as it is without having to check every transaction she did was valid too. I've already explained the practical advantages of separate accounts and a 'bills' joint account for me but you still don't seem to understand because somehow you relate bank accounts and money to love and commitment. That is the last kind of relationship I would want to be in.
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I have this especially with one mate in particular. He is married with 2 kids and she is just a housewife. ALl his money goes into a joint account.
I was out with him once and she rang up to ask what he had withdrawn £20 for on a night out.
I couldn't live with that situation. Fair enough if money is really tight and him withdrawing £20 meant the difference between food that week or not but all the more reason to have a joint account with enough money going in each week to cover the wages and then what's left is surplus disposable income and he can do what he wishes with it each week.
Soldato
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You enjoy making assumptions don't you.
The very fact that we have no separation of money in our relationship shows that it plays no significant part in how we feel about each other. It is only a means to do things, it holds no significance other than that, it would not matter if we had £10m or 10p it would have no baring on our relationship in that way. It might if I had £10m and she had 10p and we had separate finances, of course with joint finances this wouldn't be an issue either as what is mine is hers and vice versa, we see no reason to live separate lives in any way and that includes financially. As you said, it became an issue when one of you no longer could contribute, for us it did not as the way in which our finances are structured means that while our income went down, it did not mean one making sacrifices for the other as all finances, in the same way as our relationship, are jointly held equally without prejudice of who contributes what. We have £xx.xx and that is it.
You have given no practical advantages to having separate finances that are not equally solved by sharing those finances.
Why would I check everything my wife spends anyway, another assumption. She is able to know what we can afford and what we cannot without me checking every move she makes and likewise for her. Anything we wish to buy that is expensive, such as a new car or something we discuss, like adults, I do not understand why you would think this is a trust or control issue when it is obviously the polar opposite as we trust each other implicitly with each others money, basically because we do not see it as each others money, but, like our relationship, our little boy our house and everything else in our life, it belongs to us, not to her or me with each only contributing a portion to the life we share together.
I don't have a problem with how people share their lives together, I simply do not understand why some do not commit both emotionally and financially in a marriage and why it is an issue over who contributes what as a proportion of their separate income or as a split of the bills themselves when surely if you make a life commitment to each other then it really doesn't matter who contributes what financially.
You may not wish to share your life in that way, but don't be so presumptive to assume that my relationship with my wife is any less simply because we decided to share everything rather than just something.
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Sounds like the OP needs to chat to his woman and get an idea of what she thinks is fair and go from there.
I am intrigued though, whose payroll is she on working from your kitchen? Are you paying her salary? If so I hope you are VAT Registered and do everything legally!
Also OP, if you end up paying more inline with "your share" then make sure she covers her deficit in other places. I recommend putting more of her resources into the suction budget.
I am intrigued though, whose payroll is she on working from your kitchen? Are you paying her salary? If so I hope you are VAT Registered and do everything legally!
Also OP, if you end up paying more inline with "your share" then make sure she covers her deficit in other places. I recommend putting more of her resources into the suction budget.
I thought you said you have a private credit card account, so you're not sharing everything are you?
Why is it important to share debit accounts but not credit accounts?
Who said I have a private CC account. It is a CC from the same bank that our current account is held and is attached to that current account (as in the balance is paid by DD each month from it). My wife simply doesn't have a CC as she doesn't want one, if she needs to use one for any reason she just uses mine, it is not private from her in any way it is just the way that the credit card account works, if it was important to change it after we got married we would have, but as it isn't a big deal going through the rigmarole of changing credit cards (and the preferential terms no doubt) just isn't an issue, especially as she can use it anyway. It is like the BB account is in my name, not because of any reason only that it was me that signed for it, like she signed for the Sky account. I really isn't about privacy from each other at all.
The only card that is mine exclusively is my Amex and that is because it is an expense card supplied by the company I work for.
Anymore assumptions on my relationship in some strange effort to validate your own?
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You poo-pooed one of my practical reasons of having separate accounts as you could just use your own credit card. I doubt if your company would like that. It's a fair assumption that particular justification of the way you do things meant you were allowed your own credit card, but I guess I was wrong.
And I don't need to validate my relationship, you are the one saying there is something wrong with people's relationships because they don't have an obsession with money and bank account arrangements.
And I don't need to validate my relationship, you are the one saying there is something wrong with people's relationships because they don't have an obsession with money and bank account arrangements.
I can use my own credit card. What is your point?
My credit card is nothing to do with my company, my Amex card is and I can use it for pretty much anything as long as everything is accounted for and I pay for non-business related expenditure on that card.
What is this "allowed" nonsense, you act as if I need permission to do something.
It seems to me that some do have that obsession with who pays what, and how this is proportioned out, and whose money belongs to who. How having a joint current account, saving account and emergency account can be seen as being obsessive about money and bank accounts is beyond me, when compared to having joint accounts and indivdual accounts and feeling the need to split every expenditure you share in your portion and her portion. We simply do not feel the need to separate things that way.
And how you can make that accusation at me is daft as I pointed out I do not understand why people need to make the distinction between their finances when they have chosen to share their life together in everything else. That is not being obsessive, quite the opposite.
You seem to have a need to prove your way is better because my relationship is somehow lessened because my wife and I do not see our incomes as separate.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with it (unless it ends up like the friends I spoke about earlier), only that I don't really understand it. Which is somewhat different from you saying that I am in some way psychologically unstable because I trust my wife with my (our) money.
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No no no, don't you try and turn it around like that. I have said many times in this thread that different arrangements work for different people. I have proved how *for us* the way we doing things works much better. It is far more practical for us to check our own statements for fraudulent transactions etc. because we know what we bought and when. YOU are the one saying that your way is better for everyone because otherwise somehow it shows their relationship is not genuine.
In your case, yes I certainly believe there are some underlying issues by the way you are straight in this kind of thread every time.
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