Apologies for the, wall-o-text crits you for 1000, in advance.
When I was 11 I was riding my bicycle on a bicycle track in the park next to my primary school. My gears were making an annoying clickety sound, so I was busy looking down, while riding, to establish exactly where it was coming from.
I quickly looked up to make sure I was still on course and at the exact same moment I T-sectioned a girl who decided it was a good idea to stop right in front of me on her bike

and hence had no time to react and slow down.
I remember standing up rather confused and pulling the bike off of me as it was all twisted around me etc.
10 seconds later this immense pain comes over me from my groin area, so I collapse and start screaming into the grass as I hold my groin.
The girl (who is completely unhurt btw) rushes off to call a teacher who quickly responds and comes over and asks if she can have a look at where its hurting.
I was like: 'miss it's down there'
hot teacher: 'yes let me have a look!'
me: 'no, really, it's down
there'
Now, I developed really young and didn't feel it was appropriate to expose my hairy gargantua upon an innocent, so I kindly said I'm ok,
really, and proceeded to walk home with my bike. It was only a kilometer away and pain would come in waves, lucky it was a Saturday and my old man was home.
So we head to the bathroom and here comes the moment to expose myself since reaching pubity to my old man. I dropped my pants, which were soaked in thick dark blood, I almost feinted, I don't know if my dad was shocked at the mess or impressed with his son's manhood
Either way he rushes me to A&E like I'm just about to give birth (bless) and I switfly go on the operating table.
Turns out when I had the accident, the handle bars turned full-lock to the left and the brake lever (the ones with the little ball on the end) penetrated and went under my skin about a centimeter above where the penis protrudes. This is why I remember clearly standing up at the time and pulling/popping the lever, still attached to me, out. Funny thing is, the lever didn't penetrate clothing, took it all inside with it.
So, I have this 2x2cm hole in my groin that needs to be stitched up. The doctor has to insert a general anesthetic needle into the area. May I just say this moment was extremely painful! but then no pain afterwards *aaaaaaah*
Picture this scene: there's me on an operating table, pants down, holding my dad's hand and telling him I may not make it, while exposing my rather young, yet oddly well developed, prowess to an ever increasing community of hot nurses (8) that start to gather around me. I don't know if it was some intern training session on how to deal with young emergencies or if someone called some secret code word = 'we have a code 69, repeat code 69 stat - young male in theatre 1 that you may want to introduce your daughters to, very impressive!'
This would have been all well and good if it wasn't for the distinct lack of the main act, who decided this was not the right time to introduce himself and retreated into the biggest shrivly the world had ever seen, maybe that was the reason for the gathering
Anyway I left with 4 stitches and no dignity.
Bike = 1
Me = 0