Slapping Your Children

non parents response - Kids are individuals/no they should not be smacked/I wouldn't smack an adult/its assault/blah blah

A parents response - yes, and only if they are very naughty, like running into traffic, hurting another child/pet, doing anything that may bring harm to them, totally unreasonable behaviour for sustained periods.

constant battering is abuse and bullying, but as do animals in the wild do with their young, they snap and bite them to show dominance and control.

for a child that does not understand the language yet, this is the only option to keep them safe, if you disagree with this, don't come crying to me if your little bundle of joy runs into the road and under a truck, after you have 'explained' 12 times that its wrong, you should have smacked the but of him/her for doing it in the first place.

parent of three, 14/9/7 years of age
 
Castiel said:
Never had the need to use physical punishment on my child, there were always better alternatives when disciple was (or is) necessary. Growing up in a violent and abusive environment as I did, I find physical punishment of any type in the home pretty abhorrent, I'm not judging anyone who feels otherwise though, I think the context and circumstances are important and I think it is too easy to judge someone as a bad or good parent without actually knowing enough about them.
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Couldn't agree more.
 
elmarko said:
Were you hit as a child?.
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Yes i was, i think my mum was even handed but my dad sometimes went overboard because he had anger issues, also he pretends it never happened.

I would never hit my kids as much as that but i do believe in a smack if other options don't work. I know for a fact my brother would have been a complete tearaway if he wasn't smacked, you could tell he had that streak in him. But what sorted him out better than anything else was when he joined the Air Cadets when he was 12. Otherwise i think he would be in Jail by now instead of working for the MOD, married, house owner and has two gorgeous kids.
 
robgmun said:
Yes i was, i think my mum was even handed but my dad sometimes went overboard because he had anger issues, also he pretends it never happened.

I would never hit my kids as much as that but i do believe in a smack if other options don't work. I know for a fact my brother would have been a complete tearaway if he wasn't smacked, you could tell he had that streak in him. But what sorted him out better than anything else was when he joined the Air Cadets when he was 12. Otherwise i think he would be in Jail by now instead of working for the MOD, married, house owner and has two gorgeous kids.
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The military enstils a very special kind of discipline in people from what I've seen.
 
Can't overly remember getting smacked as a kid? Maybe a swat on the legs once in a blue moon.
My parents went with the 'you'll disappoint your mother' and as THE best mum in the world that was an awful thing to hear!! Always sent me in the right direction!
 
soundood said:
non parents response - Kids are individuals/no they should not be smacked/I wouldn't smack an adult/its assault/blah blah

A parents response - yes, and only if they are very naughty, like running into traffic, hurting another child/pet, doing anything that may bring harm to them, totally unreasonable behaviour for sustained periods.

constant battering is abuse and bullying, but as do animals in the wild do with their young, they snap and bite them to show dominance and control.

for a child that does not understand the language yet, this is the only option to keep them safe, if you disagree with this, don't come crying to me if your little bundle of joy runs into the road and under a truck, after you have 'explained' 12 times that its wrong, you should have smacked the but of him/her for doing it in the first place.

parent of three, 14/9/7 years of age
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I'm not a parent and I agree with smacking
 
I would not use hitting to teach a lesson. My dad hit me only a few occasions seriously, one time he beat me quite bad because i put a firework in a glass coffee jar in the field in front of our house where there was about 20 children all around and we were blowing up coke cans and then we moved on to the glass jar. Well we all ran away and no one was hurt but i got a call from my dad and went to the house and he beat me big time. I am not sure how you would classify that type of hitting, he wasn't trying to teach me a lesson, he was angry that i was so stupid and what could have been and just beat me up. My mom has thrown things at me and only beat me with a wire from a net curtain, that left several whip marks, it was what she had in her hand at the time. I think these were more out of frustration or anger at me rather than to teach me a lesson. I can see myself doing this sort of violence when children get a bit older if they are full of rubbish. I will try and avoid it though as don't think violence is productive like that.

I would not want to hit children if i had any as i don't think it works effectively as a way to teach lessons, especially when they are younger than 10. Id much rather go through the effort of explaining why and making sure they understand. hitting just seems lazy.

I saw a man and women and daughter on the train platform she must have been 9 or 10 and the girl was jumping around acting dumb and a train was approaching and she didn't stand back so the dad hit her several times right in front of me, quite hard. I didn't say anything as not getting involved in that, i did not think hitting the girl was reasonable in that instance but then i don't have children.
 
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dont need to slap my child really my voice and tone when i shout does enough for him.. but then some will argue about the need to shout as that is essentially a fear factor.

the one and only time i have ever hit my child was a few months ago, and that was due to lying, and having said i will smack if i found out he was lying(first punishment that came into my head) wasnt actually going to do it but i had to follow up with my warning when i found out he had lied after giving him over 20 times to give me a proper answer. wasnt a hard smack was a little tap no more or even as much as you would lightly hi 5 someone

i generally just remove things away from him or stop him going places. i dont disagree with smacking but sometimes there are other means to get a child to be obedient such as following through with warnings and sticking to them despite how bad you feel for it.
 
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This is an interesting topic.

I used to get slapped when I was a child - only for being real bad mind you and I don't think it did me any harm. In fact, it probably slapped me into shape.

Despite that though, I very, very rarely smack my children and on the odd occasion (maybe once a year) I have done, it is always just on their bottom
 
I have slapped my 3 y old on a few occasions in the past. I agree that until you are parenting full time it's very hard to know how you will react in a given situation regardless of your philosophising on the subject. I was hit when very bold as a child - even in school I got the odd slap from the teacher and this was 1990's - it shocked me to be slapped by someone who wasn't a parent or family member and given I was fully grown( physically ) though a teenager it really stuck in my craw for ages.

My father on the other hand used to make me wait in my room for 6 of the best although I could count the amount of times it happened on one hand. It def had the desired effect on me and that I was a pretty good child and polite and knew where the boundries were. I don't feel my childhood was traumatising in any way.
 
I never smacked my eldest but my youngest kept running into the road so several light smacks later she got the message.
It was either that or keep her on a dog lead for years.
 
soundood said:
non parents response - Kids are individuals/no they should not be smacked/I wouldn't smack an adult/its assault/blah blah

A parents response - yes, and only if they are very naughty, like running into traffic, hurting another child/pet, doing anything that may bring harm to them, totally unreasonable behaviour for sustained periods.
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I am a parent. I do not think that hitting a child is a useful way of disciplining a child. I can think of no circumstances where a hit would be the most suitable approach.

soundood said:
for a child that does not understand the language yet, this is the only option to keep them safe, if you disagree with this, don't come crying to me if your little bundle of joy runs into the road and under a truck, after you have 'explained' 12 times that its wrong, you should have smacked the but of him/her for doing it in the first place.
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Just restrain them instead? That way they also don't go running into the road and under a truck.

So for those in favour of hitting children, at what age does it no longer become acceptable to hit a child?

For those in favour of hitting children to stop them being little toerags later in life can you explain why it is those kids most likely to be hit that are also most likely to be a complete pain in the classroom?
 
robgmun said:
Yes i was, i think my mum was even handed but my dad sometimes went overboard because he had anger issues, also he pretends it never happened.

I would never hit my kids as much as that but i do believe in a smack if other options don't work. I know for a fact my brother would have been a complete tearaway if he wasn't smacked, you could tell he had that streak in him. But what sorted him out better than anything else was when he joined the Air Cadets when he was 12. Otherwise i think he would be in Jail by now instead of working for the MOD, married, house owner and has two gorgeous kids.
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But I guess that's the point. Other options do work.

I'm not saying that all parents who have hit a child failed overall as parents - just that in this day & age knowing what we do about behaviour it's a method which frankly isn't needed & presents other risks & issues.

I was maybe slapped a couple of times in extreme circumstances by very good parents overall, but I don't think it actually helped or was required in the grand scheme of things - it was a case of short term emotion getting the better of them.

I've yet to see a situation in which slapping/hitting actually resolved the issue in which physically moving would not have. Using hitting as a tool of control does set an example to a child that hitting is an acceptable thing to do, it's hard to appeal to a child to not use violence when the parents have themselves.

Don't get me wrong either, I'm not judging parents for making those choices in extreme circumstances (I most certain am judging them who use it as the go-to method of punishment or even ones who use it regularly).

It also opens up an ethical minefield - put simply a parent doesn't own a child & does not have the right to use physical violence. Hell you can't hit an adult, or even a dog without risking societal punishment - yet children, the ones most damaged by it we allow it.
 
RDM said:
So for those in favour of hitting children, at what age does it no longer become acceptable to hit a child?
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with my daughter I smacked her once, with my son (youngest) I stopped smacking him when he was around 5 and starting school, he took a few smacks, and I am glad I did.

he has since shown himself to be a stubborn little guy, who ends up hurting himself all the time,

when he was a kid, he would always try and get out his car seat himself, when we stopped, I smacked him for this, but he persisted.

about a week later, he done it and fell out of the seat onto the pavement and broke his collarbone, I believe I should have smacked him harder when he done it the first time.

but to be fair, some kids don't need a smack, and listen when told, sadly my son still doesn't listen, but as he is older now, I can explain the wrongs.
 
soundood said:
with my daughter I smacked her once, with my son (youngest) I stopped smacking him when he was around 5 and starting school, he took a few smacks, and I am glad I did.

he has since shown himself to be a stubborn little guy, who ends up hurting himself all the time,

when he was a kid, he would always try and get out his car seat himself, when we stopped, I smacked him for this, but he persisted.

about a week later, he done it and fell out of the seat onto the pavement and broke his collarbone, I believe I should have smacked him harder when he done it the first time.

but to be fair, some kids don't need a smack, and listen when told, sadly my son still doesn't listen, but as he is older now, I can explain the wrongs.
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Interestingly you didn't actually answer the question. :)

Also interesting that when hitting a child failed to produce the correct behaviour your thoughts are that you should have hit them harder. Don't you find that a touch concerning?
 
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