STOP TOUCHING BASE!!!

I notice an infestation of ‘double clicking’ on issues amongst the herd. A surprise return to the corporate speak has been ‘ball in court’ and ‘win win’. Not a barrage, but subtle enough for me to notice.

One day I’ll join Linkedin and see if the sheep gets their marching orders from there. I know this is coming from somewhere.
 
Touch base.
Revert (instead reply. It's a completely and utterly different thing).
Do the needful.
Inbox me.

I'm not sure which of these I detest most.

Ah the "do the needful" because I'm not your boss but I'm going to attempt to order you todo something my team should have done, haven't and I'm trying to deflect.

Hold on, so when I tell people I will be back in five minutes because I'm off to "do the needful" have I been using it wrong?
 
If it irritates you.. you could try working in sectors where the use of that phrase would be deemed inappropriate and should therefore never be uttered in your presence, such as schools, nurseries, or pediatric clinic.
 
Our planners on the phone.

"Hello, How's it going are you alright?"

Me: "Yes"

"Can you just pop in so and so on the way back and pick up load 1"

Me: "I am no longer alright"
Whenever someone sends me a message on Teams with "Hi Tom, how's it going?" with no more detail about what they want my response is always "That depends on what you want".
 
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