Stupid things friends / co-workers have said to you

[VaderDSL]

Back in early days of secondary school, in Religious Education class, our teacher asked the class if we knew of a group of people that didn't believe in God, up went my hand and out came the answer "Prostitutes"

Arghhhhh queue much laughter and the teacher asking did I mean protestants

 

[Azagoth]

Once got a call out to a woman in Swann House whose PC wasn't booting. Upon examining the said computer it was decided that it would be decidedly better if she tried to turn it on if it were actually plugged into the electricity socket.

She then came out with the best line ever, "I was told that the office is now wireless and I didn't need to use the wires anymore"!

 

[Azza]

Conversation in school between a bunch of us.

One of us: So what happened the other day then Box?
Box: I waited in my sisters wardrobe until she came out of the shower to try and scare her... I was too slow.
All of us: WTF
Box: She opened up the wardrobe to find me standing in there... she was naked..!
All of us: ROFL, that could be worse than the last time, what the hell where you thinking.

 

[tem07]

Once got a call out to a woman in Swann House whose PC wasn't booting. Upon examining the said computer it was decided that it would be decidedly better if she tried to turn it on if it were actually plugged into the electricity socket.

She then came out with the best line ever, "I was told that the office is now wireless and I didn't need to use the wires anymore"!

HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!

 

[AndyS_UK]

Once got a call out to a woman in Swann House whose PC wasn't booting. Upon examining the said computer it was decided that it would be decidedly better if she tried to turn it on if it were actually plugged into the electricity socket.

She then came out with the best line ever, "I was told that the office is now wireless and I didn't need to use the wires anymore"!

Along similar lines, my Mum once rang me up confused that my Dad's work computer wasn't working. I had to explain to her the difference between turning the monitor on and turning the PC on! I think she understands computers a little better now thankfully

 

[gareth.e]

what about this

I was doing some coursework and he was doing something else in the library.

He turns to me and asks....

Him: Is 'a third' the same as 'one third' ????
Me: lol yeah? are you stupid?
Him: oh.. ok.

 

[Steedie]

Once when I was about 7, on a hot Summers day I had this little mishap in a conversation with my nan

Me: "I'm thirsty, have you got any urine in the fridge?"
Nan: "You mean Evian?"
Me: "The stuff in the bottle yeah"
Nan: "Yes, Evian, not urine"

 

[Jimmeh]

Me: "Can i have a pint of Beaver please?"
Barman: "No, but you can have a pint of Badger".

 

[Fantom]

Me: "Can i have a pint of Beaver please?"
Barman: "No, but you can have a pint of Badger".

Awesome

I seem to recall a speech by a kid in our school (15-16 years old) to do with science and organisms... the word "orgasm" found its way into said speech I felt like laughing my head off for two seconds then realised how uncomfortable the poor girl had become

 

[Sonea Fifer]

Not really a co worker or friend but I do recall speaking to a customer who wanted to go wireless with his broadband connection.

He'd unplugged the router completely from the telephone line then wondered why he couldn't browse

 

[Gackt]

A few friends and I were watching Hercules in New York - jokingly one of my friends stated: "This is based on a true story." and then one of my friends replied in all seriousness, "Is it?" Lol.

 

[semi-pro waster]

Bit of a thread resurrection but I've just remembered something a girl at a previous work said.

I used to freeze a half filled bottle of water for drinking in work as the place was usually too hot, nothing particularly hard to grasp there except for this poor girl who asked me in all seriousness "how do you get that big chunk of ice into the bottle?" - I don't think I ever actually answered her, I was so stunned that I could only stare at her for about a minute then walked off. I wasn't paid anywhere near enough to deal with that level of stupidity.

 

[Kristoph]

Last night and me and a housemate were watching Full Metal Jacket.

I said "I wonder where they filmed this? The sets look pretty realistic and in theme with Vietnam."

To which she replied, "Maybe Croatia? It's right next to Vietnam, and they had a war."

An argument between me and her then went on, as she wouldn't admit Croatia was part of Europe.

 

[aproctor]

they filmed a lot of it in london iirc

 

[Kristoph]

Pretty impressive. The destroyed cities were amazing.

 

[Dark_Angel]

Bit of a thread resurrection but I've just remembered something a girl at a previous work said.

I used to freeze a half filled bottle of water for drinking in work as the place was usually too hot, nothing particularly hard to grasp there except for this poor girl who asked me in all seriousness "how do you get that big chunk of ice into the bottle?" - I don't think I ever actually answered her, I was so stunned that I could only stare at her for about a minute then walked off. I wasn't paid anywhere near enough to deal with that level of stupidity.

How does someone like that remember how to walk and breathe at the same time ?

 

[David91]

stupid conversation between me and my mum at homebase whilst buying solar powered lights...

Mum: So David your going to have to find out what batteries these solar powered lights take
Me: They're solar powered mum... no need for batteries
Mum: Oh alright then
Me: *Facepalm*

My mum 2 seconds later figured out what she said and want all red and laughed, i will never forget that utterly stupid conversation

 

[Participant]

Talking to colleagues at work about our star signs.

A temp girl from Poland said she is a Lobster!

Obviously she meant Crab, but my god did I laugh.

She wouldn't talk to me after that.

Lol

She wouldn't have talked to me either because I'd have ****ed myself.

 

[atpbx]

Craig Finney, branch manager, Lynx express lincoln:

"Ok, so if leaving late means the traffic on the A46 is bad why dont you use this road"
"We cant use that road Craig"
"why not?"
"Because that Craig isnt a road,its is a line drawn on the map in marker pen to denote the edge of the drivers area."


During the fuel shortages in 2005:
"Right, I've decided that Owner drivers cannot use fuel from the fuel bunker (almost the entire lynx fleet was owner driver), it is for lynx vans only"
"Craig, you only have two lynx vans, so if we cant get any diesel what happens then?"

"You will be fined the usual rates for failing any deliveries that come in for your area"

"So, there is no diesel in the whole city, you are sat on thousands of litres of fuel and the best plan you can come up with to get us through the next few days is to have all the deliveries pile up in the warehouse and not get done, while simultaneously bankrupting all your delivery drivers?"

Guy is a class A moron, i have hundreds more examples of complete stupidity from the parcel industry, but they get boring very quickly.

 

[Dinomania]

Talking to colleagues at work about our star signs.

A temp girl from Poland said she is a Lobster!

Obviously she meant Crab, but my god did I laugh.

She wouldn't talk to me after that.

Cancer the Crab is denoted by a Crayfish in Sweden, I daresay in Poland a lobster is a viable alternative... It's all a pile of rubbish anyway....