Soldato
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Talking at work
- Thread starter flibbage0
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Caporegime
I didn’t intend to claim it was specific to those with autism.
I’m well aware there are ways to cope, but as I said it is going to be difficult.
Soldato
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Deleted member 66701
D
Deleted member 66701
I disagree, as do a few research papers I've read on the subject:-
Emphasis is mine. Although the research does suggest not everyone needs to seperate work/personal but there are a significant number of people that it is imperative for them to do so.
It wouldn't bother me as my personal life is separate from work.
Soldato
I can second this but i work directly with 17 people and passively with maybe 55. Of the 17 i work with 3 are blokes, 1 who is a really good friend outside of work and the other 2 i dont actively socialise with but i dont shy away from interaction.
Of the 14 women they range from 23 to 55, 2 in their early 40's are effectively work wives, 1 is my manager who who is also in her late 30s and we go out for meals from time to time as a foursome. There are 2 women both 23 who i get on incredibly well with and tbh if i had a chance i would lol. The remaining 9 women i get on really well with except 1 who is a drama bitchface but i wouldn't socialise outside of work with any of these 9
Work and home life has no limitsso everyone knows everyones business and generally everyone is supportive and gets on well. The Banter is top draw across the board and if anything could sometimes be taken as sexual harassment if you didnt know the people and thats coming from the women not the men.
The downside is i know about everyones child birth and if they split from the V to the A and all the gory details. They all announce when they are "going for a wee" and i think im aware of everyones menstrual cycles..... lol
Wouldnt change the work atmosphere for anything though as to be honest, times when ive become annoyed with the Job its the people around me that make it worth putting up with the bad days!
Never thought about it before, but I now realise how fortunate I was, pounding 44 tons across Europe, kilometre after kilometre, just me and the radio, or CD player.
Then again, after that, tooling around London in my Black Cab, limited to, “Where to?”, and “This is Blank Street, just say when, if you know what part you want.”
It would take a building to collapse for me to initiate a conversation, but I’d politely reply if the fare was loquacious, but for the most part, all trips were done in relative silence.
Probably suited both of us.
Then again, after that, tooling around London in my Black Cab, limited to, “Where to?”, and “This is Blank Street, just say when, if you know what part you want.”
It would take a building to collapse for me to initiate a conversation, but I’d politely reply if the fare was loquacious, but for the most part, all trips were done in relative silence.
Probably suited both of us.
Caporegime
That reads almost word for word on how work is for me, wouldn't change it for anything.
Man of Honour
Much like the op can't really see how conversion would play out, I struggle to visualise what it would be like to completely separate work and non-work. How do you do that? When someone asks what you did at the weekend, do you just say that you can't tell them? How far do you take it?
Soldato
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I'm one of the favourites at work but not because I have much in common with others (seems quite common) but I can talk about anything if people are easy going.
If people are a bit corporate or I just don't jel with them (this is most of the time) I am completely different.
I can talk about anything really as long as other party is also similar Can't stand talking to dull people and i soon give up and mentally label them boring, and never bother chatting again.
Interesting that some of the people who I get on best with are polar opposite to me in terms of interests and hobbies. Commonality is personality.
Man of Honour
Sounds like a right barrel of laughs!
Caporegime
Conversation killer alright, although that seems to be rather common these days "Get up to much at the weekend?" - "Not really, you?" - "Nah, just a quiet one really"
Either a lot of people genuinely don't do much in their spare time, don't want to talk about it or are just coasting through life with pre-programmed responses to the same question every week.
Tone and body language goes a long way, rather than just the words you're spewing out.
Associate
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Luckily I work in a room full of people who like offensive humor and having a laugh, so it's great. It makes work a much better place
We still get more work done than the squares next door too.
You lucky guy!
From the age of 20 up until I was 34 I worked in IT for local authority. Big department full of like minded people, similar age, mostly blokes although there were some women but they tended to fit in quite well with our 'banter'. Honestly, for the most part, it was an absolute hoot, and its taken me until now to fully appreciate what I had there. We all went out on the drink, we swore, talked about edgy topics without fear of disciplinaries and overall the atmosphere and feel of the place was pretty good, bar the constant threat of redundancy, which did eventually happen to me, but i can say i made some genuine friends there that i still keep in touch and socialise with to this day.
Eventually I did a stint in a factory doing IT work. That was a much smaller team, but the guys out on the factory floors were a laugh a minute, same sort of thing, down to earth, toilet humour and met loads of great people who, again, I still keep in touch with to this day.
In 2014 I got my current job, in a big-4 accountancy firm. Well, how different can a place be? Very different, very different indeed, and honestly, in the 5 years I've been here, I can honestly say I've made very few worthwhile friends here. The problem is I'm like a fish out of water. This place is just so straight laced, and I'm as a rough as a badgers wotsit; I even wonder how I got this job sometimes as I seem so out of place, but then they keep saying they want a wide variety of characters...
People talked earlier about coming to work 'as yourself'. The ironic thing here is that while my firm really does push for this 'ideal' and that we should 'embrace peoples differences' that is NOT how it works at all in reality. If I came in as 'myself' I would last about a month before getting sacked in all honesty. I'm a naturally sweary, cynical, dry humoured person who doesn't take any rubbish from anyone. I came from a very working class background. School for me was survival. The people I knock around with are like me. I am one of those people who thankfully chose the right path in life, but equally I could have been dead or in jail quite easily had I chosen another route; I only tell you this to illustrate the differences.
I am working with people who are middle and upper class students / professionals, with privileged upbringings and I literally have NOTHING in common with them. If I was myself with most of these people they would run a mile away, and almost certainly get me into a lot of bother. These are also high paid professionals and I am mere service staff and I can tell you that there is some snobbery and sneering going on, albeit not from everyone but this place definitely has a much higher percentage of it than anywhere else I've worked.
Honestly I try to make chat with them but most of them are either unapproachable or bore me to tears on the spot, and I wouldn't dare talk about my real life with them anyway, especially considering how snidey and snake like some of them can be, they will take the slightest opportunity to stab you in the back and get you into trouble. I honestly have to be really, really careful how I conduct myself here, or find myself in very hot water. To say that people at work (bar a few notable exceptions) know the real me would be a massive lie, they haven't got the first clue about anything about me which is not something I would say was the case in other jobs where I could be myself. The ones that are interested (few and far between) are actually fascinated when I do tell them life stories, but equally horrified; and yet this is all stuff to me and anyone else with a similar upbringing is just considered normal. I'd swear they've lived very sheltered lives some of them.
I actually did upset someone recently because I was having a bad morning and they overheard me swearing when I was talking to someone else. I found myself moved desks yet again (how to make someone feel wanted eh?). I now just work on my own in my 'office' (a computer build room) because I just cant be bothered with anyone in here. Is that what it's come to? The funny thing is, the job itself is alright, and my proper 'team' are actually pretty cool, but its an international company and I am a single lonesome person from my team who has to look after my site, so I only get to see other members of my team once or twice a year if I'm lucky.
There is one lad here I get on really well with and he knows me well, and we are very similar in outlook but he can hardly ever afford to go out so I only ever seem in here, and he's a temp so one day he'll probably disappear never to be seen again.
I know we've all got to have a filter sometimes, but I feel like I'm constantly filtering and yes, I do occasionally slip up, and I nearly always end up getting into some kind of bother for the merest slip up; acting the way I did in other jobs, which didn't seem like any kind of big deal at all at the time, would see me on beans on toast in short order.
Overall, its a very sad state of affairs, but equally I am not willing to risk a good job so I can find somewhere more sociable, at the end of the day, I come here to work so I can live and socialise with my real, down to earth friends, but I do think it's a shame I have to spend most of my life in this place being bored to tears by the people I work with. At the same time though, I feel like my soul is being drained every time I come here
Yep, I could get paid more working elsewhere. But I doubt I'd find as fun, or stress free of a working environment and that is more important tbh. A boring or difficult job in a good environment is bearable but a boring environment drives me nuts. Some days (quiet days) are basically like hanging out with the lads, so I actually like coming in. As long as things get done management pretty much leave us to get on with it.
Also it's close to home so doesn't cost much to commute
Also it's close to home so doesn't cost much to commute
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You spend a significant amount of time at work, just sat their in abject silence sounds horrible, I am more than happy for my social life and work life to cross over, some folk are really against this though, so i just ignore them, life is far to short to be miserable at work.
Caporegime
4 of my work colleagues were at my wedding, I spend more time with my colleagues than I do my non-work friends by default. Work is basically like school, where you are forced to spend a large chunk of your life with other people, so making friends makes it liveable.
Permabanned
Get on well with majority here at work, other than a couple they are all also tech nerds, 4 or 5 "kids" (early to mid twenties) and a couple of us oldies(40 ish), decent banter to be had and all get on.
Moving soon to another company and will miss them.
Moving soon to another company and will miss them.
Soldato
I always found manufacturing/workshop environments made for general chit-chat, banter and going for a beer after work much easier.
Office jobs where managers, supervisors and HR drones wandered freely amongst the staff, not so much.
Office jobs where managers, supervisors and HR drones wandered freely amongst the staff, not so much.
How much money has been stolen off you for things like birthday whip-rounds, baby showers, leaving-dos, etc... No bloke would ever organise these kind of things!