Man of Honour
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
"Aye matey!"
"Aye matey!"
Poll: Terrible joke thread
- Thread starter snips86x
- Start date
Man of Honour
Who doesn't like a good old tickle 
Soldato
any of the #metoo'ers apparentlyWho doesn't like a good old tickle
Caporegime
Soldato
best joke of the whole damn thread i thought
Caporegime
Gillette.
Soldato
Why don't fairies sit on toadstools?
There's not mushroom.
Why don't fairies smoke?
It's bad for their elf.
"Now now", said the judge to Micky Mouse, "I cannot grant you a divorce on the grounds that your wife has buck teeth."
"I never said that" he replied, "I said she was ******* Goofy"
There's not mushroom.
Why don't fairies smoke?
It's bad for their elf.
"Now now", said the judge to Micky Mouse, "I cannot grant you a divorce on the grounds that your wife has buck teeth."
"I never said that" he replied, "I said she was ******* Goofy"
Caporegime
2 old ladies are talking about their private parts. One says to the other that when you get older your fanny gets a lot bigger.
The lady says how can she tell and her friend tells her to go home, get the mirror off the wall and squat over it to have a look.
She gets home, goes into the bathroom and takes the mirror down. She drops her drawers and squats over it.
Just then her husband wanders past and has a quick look in. “BLOODY HELL!” he shouts and barges his way in, knocking her flying.
She screams “Oh George, you old git, you coulda broke my arm”
He shouts back “Oh shut up you ungrateful old cow, if you fell down there you’d have broke your neck!”
The lady says how can she tell and her friend tells her to go home, get the mirror off the wall and squat over it to have a look.
She gets home, goes into the bathroom and takes the mirror down. She drops her drawers and squats over it.
Just then her husband wanders past and has a quick look in. “BLOODY HELL!” he shouts and barges his way in, knocking her flying.
She screams “Oh George, you old git, you coulda broke my arm”
He shouts back “Oh shut up you ungrateful old cow, if you fell down there you’d have broke your neck!”
Man of Honour
These are more oral jokes than textual ones, but hey ho:
Steak and Ale pie:
Antigua: 2.50
Barbados: 2.60
Jamaica: 2.75
Pie rates of the Caribbean
A secret agent gathering information was using the cover of working on a sheep farm.
They were a shepherd spy.
Steak and Ale pie:
Antigua: 2.50
Barbados: 2.60
Jamaica: 2.75
Pie rates of the Caribbean
A secret agent gathering information was using the cover of working on a sheep farm.
They were a shepherd spy.
Soldato
Why wouldn’t they be? If they aren’t racist, they’ll be fine. Though I guess technically everything is racist nowadays.
ALL WW2 based jokes are racist!
In any case, it is the racist ones that are the funnest (You Know this is true!)
Soldato
ALL WW2 based jokes are racist!
In any case, it is the racist ones that are the funnest (You Know this is true!)
Soldato
A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank cheque and says, “I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day and to her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank cheque, “There's no charge.” “No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit,” she says. “Honestly, ma’am it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I just switched the heads.”
As he was passing the door to her bedroom a guy glanced in to see his stepdaughter on the bed, naked and pleasuring herself with a banana. "Damn" he thought "I was going to eat that."
"Now it'll taste of banana."
"Now it'll taste of banana."
Haha. Ok that got me a bit lol.