Poll: Terrible joke thread

Here's some real Science

  • Ban Op

    Votes: 31 28.2%
  • Ban everyone in thread

    Votes: 53 48.2%
  • Pancake

    Votes: 26 23.6%

  • Total voters
    110
  • Poll closed .
Caporegime
Joined
1 Dec 2010
Posts
52,096
Location
Welling, London
Paddy’s up in the divorce court and the judge says “you’re behaviour has been intolerable, as a settlement, I’m giving your wife £300 a week.

Paddy says “that’s very nice of you, I’ll chuck her a few quid a week myself too”
 
Caporegime
Joined
29 Jan 2008
Posts
58,899
I started a few joke threads, opinions still being tallied re: whether they're welcome though. Some people want serious discussion in GD...
 
Caporegime
Joined
29 Aug 2007
Posts
28,594
Location
Auckland
Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian.

“Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!”

Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.”

“Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.
 
Caporegime
Joined
29 Jul 2011
Posts
36,341
Location
In acme's chair.
Tried to cut my sandwich with a butter knife the other day. It was useless, should have used a metal one!

That said, it was nowhere near as bad as that time I used a gravy boat...
 
Man of Honour
Joined
24 Sep 2005
Posts
35,487
Three Latvian are brag about sons. “My son is soldier. He have rape as many women as want,” say first Latvian.

“Zo?” second say, “My son is farmer. He have all potato he want!”

Third Latvian wait long time, then say, “My son is die at birth. For him, struggle is over.”

“Wow! You are win us,” say others. But all are feel sad.
Wow that is bleak :p :(
 
Soldato
Joined
18 Jun 2010
Posts
6,566
Location
Essex
Our tale starts with a man called Dave. Dave is the biggest fan of tractors you've ever met. Growing up on a farm he admired the tractors, and it never went away. Now at 35 Dave has Tractor wallpaper, miniature tractors, full size tractors, clothes with tractors on, toilet roll with tractors on, and even some tractor blue movies (oo-er). Since he was a young man his mother had been pestering him, "Dave you need to stop with these tractors, go out there and find a woman and produce me some grandchildren". Although Dave loved his tractors, he'd now got to 35 and had nothing to show for it. So he finally said "alright mum". Dave sold all of his tractor paraphernalia, and hit the gym. The girl at the grocery store always smiled at him and made a lot of small talk, so Dave thought why not and asked her out, thankfully she said yes. So, Dave takes the lady out for dinner. Now this was before the smoking ban so there were a lot of people in the restaurant smoking. After they sat down for their starter a large group of men chuffing cigars sat down on the table next to them. The lady was clearly distressed by this as she was coughing and spluttering and there was so much smoke that the restaurant became hazy and you couldn't see much further than 3 metres. Seeing the lady in distress Dave said "Don't worry, I'll sort this". Dave leaned back and did a huge, long, deep inhale that lasted for about 30 seconds, all of the smoke in the room went into his lungs and the room was clear. He then stepped outside and breathed it all out, when he returned to the table the girl, astonished, asked "That was amazing how did you do that?", Dave replied:
"I'm an extractor fan"
 
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