It’s near on impossible to convince someone that they need help, they have to want it themselves (which is ironic). You can’t even speak to the GP on behalf of someone who you think is suffering. Well, that was the case last time I checked.
The 5-year plan to 50k posts - part douche
- Thread starter FoxEye
- Start date
It’s near on impossible to convince someone that they need help, they have to want it themselves (which is ironic). You can’t even speak to the GP on behalf of someone who you think is suffering. Well, that was the case last time I checked.
You could be correct but I don't precisely understand your meaning, here.
And that's not me being contrary or defensive or anything. I'm genuinely not sure what you mean.
I think it's best to be honest with these things, but I do care (in the context of a forum of like minds I contribute to). Depression tends to be most obvious to those who have battled it and there is a fine line with self deprecating to self loathing sometimes. What we have here is a person who is lost in life, like many others on here and everywhere. To help starts with him confronting that and doing something about it, and that needs more than just telling everyone at length.
I'd suggest he stops that, goes and speaks to his GP and seeks the council of person or persons used to dealing with such spirals.
Last edited:
I am not best versed at resolving I am however familiar with the signs of a lost soul who perhaps needs the help of a professional. It's not life and death, but if I were you I'd stop asking faceless people to solve your issues, it's not helping you.
Start studying for a job here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-57328408
You sound a bit like me @FoxEye
And depression very much runs in the family.
I've never ever been happy in a job for long. And just moved job to job with no real plan.
I have a question.
Do you think you should be chasing a career?
Or
Do you actually want a career?
A lot of people chase progression as it's 'the thing to do' but not everyone wants or needs it.
I've decided I don't care enough. I've basically given up trying to find a job that I love. So have settled for one which pays enough but isn't too stressful that provides a work life balance.
My partner is going through a similar 'what do I want from work' thing. She's always needed a sense of accomplishment but it's struggling being an introvert in an extrovert role.
She tried something more senior and failed. Just not organised enough. And the stress was bad.
Still though. I see the signs of 'im a failure'
I think for her she thinks she owes her parents success. Expensive education, successful family etc. She wants to make a difference (ie work in a charity). And it had been consuming.
This holding yourself to a high standard. Or following the norm can be great. But not for everyone. Success can be measured differently depending on the person. It isn't always a flash career
And depression very much runs in the family.
I've never ever been happy in a job for long. And just moved job to job with no real plan.
I have a question.
Do you think you should be chasing a career?
Or
Do you actually want a career?
A lot of people chase progression as it's 'the thing to do' but not everyone wants or needs it.
I've decided I don't care enough. I've basically given up trying to find a job that I love. So have settled for one which pays enough but isn't too stressful that provides a work life balance.
My partner is going through a similar 'what do I want from work' thing. She's always needed a sense of accomplishment but it's struggling being an introvert in an extrovert role.
She tried something more senior and failed. Just not organised enough. And the stress was bad.
Still though. I see the signs of 'im a failure'
I think for her she thinks she owes her parents success. Expensive education, successful family etc. She wants to make a difference (ie work in a charity). And it had been consuming.
This holding yourself to a high standard. Or following the norm can be great. But not for everyone. Success can be measured differently depending on the person. It isn't always a flash career
Last edited:
There is a mindset that everyone is equal and that's a lovely thought, but in the real world pretty baseless when it comes to the life we lead. We share some common elements of being equal, our bodies work fairly equally in most cases, we have access to many of the same reference points, but our heads don't and it is the head and what's inside it that is the main influence on the life ahead. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your own lack of success, however you measure it, then your head needs fixing first, be that to get you out of the spiral or to better educate yourself on how you can be better and reach your goals.
The result may be you can't, you can, or you optimise it and get the best you are able to get. These things are often massively complex but can be boiled down to some simple points. We are not all equal, we are all different, we just need time to find out what we are good at and what our mind will allow us to achieve. Most never find out, they just settle with what they have but some constantly strive and have an aptitude for invention.
99% of life's opportunity is open to all, the journey to get there is the fundamental difference as is the appetite for the journey.
The result may be you can't, you can, or you optimise it and get the best you are able to get. These things are often massively complex but can be boiled down to some simple points. We are not all equal, we are all different, we just need time to find out what we are good at and what our mind will allow us to achieve. Most never find out, they just settle with what they have but some constantly strive and have an aptitude for invention.
99% of life's opportunity is open to all, the journey to get there is the fundamental difference as is the appetite for the journey.
Last edited:
Yup. Or he could just buy another cat as a distraction and spend 7 more years letting life pass him by in the same job. The previous thread seemed to highlight it too, some ambition then throwing up a load of problems/excuses. Some irrational hatred of landlords too, like I get that landlords often suck but getting to the point where you won't even leave your parents house even well into your 30s because you don't want to pay rent to a landlord is getting a little bit extreme, especially if there are far fewer opportunities for work locally. Perhaps moot now given that remote work opportunities are growing but not even willing to consider moving to improve circumstances, find employment etc.. was maybe symptomatic of being self-destructive, putting up silly obstacles back then.
Some sort of CBT etc.. might help or even just some hippie mindfulness, meditation stuff - plenty of that on youtube even for free.
I guess that's also an issue with learning to code, if you're depressed or anxious or easily distracted and finding excuses etc.. then you might have some issues with self-study - might be that a more formal course of study could be useful. Lots of online options but, given an unwillingness to move and possible issues with studying then perhaps even say a part-time foundation degree at a local college, somewhere where you have to attend some evening classes and where you have access to a library where you can go and study on the weekends without any distractions.
I've advised you to look at this before, but.
https://trailhead.salesforce.com/
Possibly the biggest free software learning resource I've ever seen.
Register.
Practice.
Start small.
Gain confidence and start experimenting.
Go for a job as a junior dev.
You need your mindset right first, as @Housey pointed out, or it won't work - but if you want to increase your earning potential, you could do a lot worse....
https://trailhead.salesforce.com/
Possibly the biggest free software learning resource I've ever seen.
Register.
Practice.
Start small.
Gain confidence and start experimenting.
Go for a job as a junior dev.
You need your mindset right first, as @Housey pointed out, or it won't work - but if you want to increase your earning potential, you could do a lot worse....
It's a shame we don't have more ability to 'try before you buy' with careers.
It's expensive in time and cash and a lot of work to try multiple careers properly.
Often the education is not representative of the real career. Or you get X years in and want a change.
But do you plough on? Or reboot? By time you have done that even a couple of times life responsibilities might have caught up.
But hardest part is the mimdset
It's so easy to dawdle along and put up with a bad situation. I'm terrible for it
It's super hard even If you want to change a mindset. (look at depression, addiction etc) let alone if you don't really want to
It's expensive in time and cash and a lot of work to try multiple careers properly.
Often the education is not representative of the real career. Or you get X years in and want a change.
But do you plough on? Or reboot? By time you have done that even a couple of times life responsibilities might have caught up.
But hardest part is the mimdset
It's so easy to dawdle along and put up with a bad situation. I'm terrible for it
It's super hard even If you want to change a mindset. (look at depression, addiction etc) let alone if you don't really want to
At the end of the day someone has to pay for career changes, and the only sensible way to handle that in the real world is for the person whose career it is to foot the bill or find a sponsor. I would definitely be up for a career change but a bit like you by the sounds of things, I've accepted that a job is just a chore that I have to deal with and I've largely given up on finding a job which I really like. Now I just want to get enough money together so I can retire while I'm still young enough that I can enjoy it properly.
Housey on point really and pretty much what I was angling at with life coaching. If you can sort your head space out and get the focus you need, everything else usually slots into place. Foxeye regularly posts things and in a manner that suggests he needs some kind of support. This isn't a bad thing, almost everyone needs it to some degree at some point in their life.
We do! They're called internships or work experience or spring weeks or summer placements or sandwich years... they exist for a whole bunch of careers.
Pretty much all undergraduate university courses have fairly decent Easter holidays and very long summer holidays...one exception perhaps being medicine though typically the people studying medicine have at least some idea of what they're getting into and still have a very wide variety of careers they can pursue as a physician or surgeon once qualified.
It's quite hard to get a decent 'summer job' all my summer jobs were grunt work. Just to earn to help pay for uni etc. Wasn't much around in rural Suffolk in terms of relavent experience.
Apprenticeship would have been much better.
Takes 2 years of sixth form and 3 years of uni before I sampled the job market. Could have definitely done 2 apprenticeships and work in that time.
Definitely not impossible
But going to uni makes it hard.
Soldato
- Joined
- 11 Sep 2009
- Posts
- 14,064
- Location
- France, Alsace
This is the @Housey show and they're all coming out!
Very conscious that medical advice is not permitted and I certainly don't seek to offer any, but @FoxEye read this (from a reputable source) and see if it resonates.
https://www.mind.org.uk/media-a/2935/depression-2019.pdf
It impacts MOST people at some point in their life, it is well understood and it can be fixed but you have a massive gaping chasm between ambition and reality today and you need to bridge that before you can head towards 50K.
Also, seek out The Kindness Method by Sharoo Izadi, maybe try with the audiobook as it's easier to digest. Once again it will not fix your problems, but it might help you start to understand them. There is no silver bullet either, just start with an open mind to learning more about yourself.
https://www.mind.org.uk/media-a/2935/depression-2019.pdf
It impacts MOST people at some point in their life, it is well understood and it can be fixed but you have a massive gaping chasm between ambition and reality today and you need to bridge that before you can head towards 50K.
Also, seek out The Kindness Method by Sharoo Izadi, maybe try with the audiobook as it's easier to digest. Once again it will not fix your problems, but it might help you start to understand them. There is no silver bullet either, just start with an open mind to learning more about yourself.
I’m not talking about random summer jobs though. Going to uni makes it easy, you’ve got long summer holidays, after first year you’re typically paying for a house or flat on an annual basis so it shouldn’t matter where your parents live. Any number of companies are open to some work experience/shadowing. Paid internships in various places are competitive though but well paid, can more than cover the cost of accommodation in say London.
Likewise there are the sandwich degrees where the university literally has employers lining up ready to take on students for a year of paid work. Though frankly there is nothing stopping a new grad from working somewhere for a year and then deciding it’s not for them after graduating too, very easy to explain in an interview if the new employer is a completely different industry.
For example a friend of mine landed a job at a big 4 accountancy firm, he basically fell into it I think, it was just the done thing to apply for a “graduate job” but he quit after a year as it was boring AF! He switched careers and got a job in media, he’s a very social guy and dealing with salespeople, building relationships in that sector was much better suited to him than studying for some incredibly dull exams at a big 4 firm.
Soldato
- Joined
- 2 May 2011
- Posts
- 12,140
- Location
- Woking
We work in similar industries...in contrast I imagine you find, like I do, areas where senior staff are underqualified and inept, and are in the their current position only due to longevity. I would imagine also that these types of people don't suffer from imposter syndrome.