This is embarrassing - I'm honestly struggling to see how you can't comprehend the simple point. Obviously they have the choice of not accepting any deal, so no quid pro quo... I said as much, I said they could have no deal and the default would be tariffs on trade. But to have the deal they have they must accept EU laws.
It's not about screwing us if we left. They'd offer us a reasonable deal of access like Norway or Switzerland, but that's no better than we have now... it's actually worse (not apocalyptically worse, but it is worse).
Why are you putting 'they'll totally screw us' in quotation marks? Did I say that? And I'm not saying the EU wouldn't be viable economically etc, just that if we left and got a better deal, why wouldn't the other large economies like Germany and France agitate for that? If one or both of them followed obviously it'd fail. That's the political reality they have to consider alongside the economic arguments for what deal to give us.
Don't get embarrassed, we're all grown up here (i think anyway). I understand the point you are trying to make, but you need to understand the important point here (which I still don't think you get):
they are not forced to abide by EU law. They choose to partake in agreements (and have to live by certain conditions of those agreements), but they have
not given their sovereignty away. The UK
has given sovereignty away, and this is the key issue.
Being in the EEA but not in the EU means you retain sovereignty and have control over the following areas not specified in the EEA: agriculture, fish, foreign and security policy, justice and immigration. Norway has
optionally chosen to align with EU laws on some other areas like justice but they are not being
forced to do that.
This BBC article explains the sovereignty point well, and quotes:
BBC said:
However, those who want to leave the EU say the only sovereignty that matters is the ability to make all our laws in the UK. And if that's what sovereignty means, it's difficult to see how it can be achieved while the UK remains part of the EU.
So being in the EEA would mean we retain our sovereignty, and power over areas such as the above. We would
not be forced to "abide by their laws" as so many remainers claim.
As for the "but Norway/Switzerland still have to pay" argument -
this says their net contributions have been a total of €1.8bn for Norway for between 2009-2014 and €1bn from Switzerland over 10 years. Pretty modest considering our
net contribution to the EU is £8.5bn a year.