Soldato
Lol, my ****ing experience of 33 years in London begs to differ.
**The Mental Health Thread**
- Thread starter Gabbatek
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Does anyone else go into deep thought stood in the shower thinking about the past, but once you get out you've forgotten what you were thinking about?
Maybe as I've not long been out of bed it's more of a semi awake dream state?
Maybe as I've not long been out of bed it's more of a semi awake dream state?
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I have actual 'mental dazes' like Rimworld type of mental breaks where I just daydream and relive past events or imagine future ones.
Soldato
I literally just had a bigger water cylinder installed because I stand in the shower so long thinking about life. Probably because it's the only place I can't be distracted.
I had a short period of sessions with a therapist whose only real contribution to my life was the discovery that I never really relax, I only seek ways of distracting myself. My down time is video games or movies or gardening, but never just sitting or laying or like sunbathing. Do you find something similar?
I think this is quite common. There's even a Reddit board for it called r/Showerthoughts. It's something which I get, to some extent, on the weekends, but not during the week since my morning routine is so strictly-timed.
Caporegime
It sounds like meditation could be something worth pursuing. It will be hard as **** at first if you're naturally a must be doing something type of person but it seems to help people like this the most if they can persevere.
Yeah I also think my life is a big distraction from thoughts.
My favourite is when I'm out on the water. I just don't think of anything except the moment. It really is just me, the scenery, the waves.
Video games don't actually help now. May even be a negative.
This concenered me when I had knee issues as I was terrified I wouldn't be able to do my sports anymore, and if sport is what I need..
On plus side it put a lot of things into perspective. Worrying about appearance certainly vanished. I no longer care about that. It also made me appreciate time I have more.
I moved to Wales while I had this condition. And this is no exaggeration... I think it's only good significant decision I've ever made in life.
But on the flip side I am Scared that as I get older, my body will let me down. I'm scared that if I can't go outside and do this stuff cause of age I'll fall into depression eventually.
I am going through a tough time right now. My mum is suicidal with depression and nothing is working, my gf is getting signed off work with mental health anxiety (feels like she's got it too). It's making it super hard to stay positive. I just feel surrounded by negativity.
Ugh. Mental health is horrible.
My favourite is when I'm out on the water. I just don't think of anything except the moment. It really is just me, the scenery, the waves.
Video games don't actually help now. May even be a negative.
This concenered me when I had knee issues as I was terrified I wouldn't be able to do my sports anymore, and if sport is what I need..
On plus side it put a lot of things into perspective. Worrying about appearance certainly vanished. I no longer care about that. It also made me appreciate time I have more.
I moved to Wales while I had this condition. And this is no exaggeration... I think it's only good significant decision I've ever made in life.
But on the flip side I am Scared that as I get older, my body will let me down. I'm scared that if I can't go outside and do this stuff cause of age I'll fall into depression eventually.
I am going through a tough time right now. My mum is suicidal with depression and nothing is working, my gf is getting signed off work with mental health anxiety (feels like she's got it too). It's making it super hard to stay positive. I just feel surrounded by negativity.
Ugh. Mental health is horrible.
@413x in what will seem a brutally harsh comment, I have a theory that we surround ourselves with people who have similar mental health afflictions to ourselves without realising. This is subconscious. So the fact that your gf has issues, and you do, is no coincidence. Also the fact that your mother has issues is also no coincidence, these have been passed on, either biologically or psychologically, or both.
You are in a really hard situation since you love being outdoors and your gf probably has to spend all her time indoors. How do you look after her or can she manage for herself to some degree?
You could always leave her. I think we've spoken about that, but I know it's a very hard thing to do.
When you're older, at least you'll still be able to walk, surely. As long as you keep yourself active now, you'll be in a much better condition in a few decades' time. You may not be able to kayak down white river rapids, but you'll be able to do some stuff.
As for nothing working with your mum, did she seek help? Or maybe it's like my dad inasmuch as he refuses it.
At the end of the day, you know the things you have to do to keep yourself happy, and it's worth holding onto those as much as possible. Other people with mental health issues will only duplicate them and pass a copy onto you. Then there will be two of you dealing with the same issues. I don't see things improving in your current situation without some drastic changes [the same is true for me too, and I know how hard it is].
You are in a really hard situation since you love being outdoors and your gf probably has to spend all her time indoors. How do you look after her or can she manage for herself to some degree?
You could always leave her. I think we've spoken about that, but I know it's a very hard thing to do.
When you're older, at least you'll still be able to walk, surely. As long as you keep yourself active now, you'll be in a much better condition in a few decades' time. You may not be able to kayak down white river rapids, but you'll be able to do some stuff.
As for nothing working with your mum, did she seek help? Or maybe it's like my dad inasmuch as he refuses it.
At the end of the day, you know the things you have to do to keep yourself happy, and it's worth holding onto those as much as possible. Other people with mental health issues will only duplicate them and pass a copy onto you. Then there will be two of you dealing with the same issues. I don't see things improving in your current situation without some drastic changes [the same is true for me too, and I know how hard it is].
@Lysander
Don't worry about being harsh.
Yeah I have thought about this too. Being attracted to similar traits in others. And absolutely I think in case of me and mum and my sister it carries down genetically (my biological dad had it too)
I do go out on my own. I have to. I no longer feel guilty for it. I'm out tomorrow with a friend on my bike.
And yeah when I say I worry about it (the future) it doesn't weigh on my mind. But every now and then I'll think about it. Sometimes it a plus. It makes me get out today. But yes. Hopefully by that point knee replacements etc will be better. Maybe even robotic. One can dream!
Now, I'm pretty healthy. And incredibly grateful for that. My knees are giving me no issues. Even after I went over the handlebars and landed on my knee. A good day.
But yes. As long as I can get out, that hopefully we'll be enough.
As to the situation at home. Still keeping on with that. If it really does bring me down, we will have to talk about it. Right now I'm OK. But for her, she's getting worse. It really sucks for her. Job, physical health, metal health. All negative. She is trying.
She can manage herself, cook etc. The physical side is bad but not crippling I guess at the moment.
But she just exists at home. But last night she couldn't mentally cook. This is a new one. It means her anxiety is so bad that it's interfering with basic tasks. I've only been that bad once. And it was bad!
Mum, she tried a lot. The thing my step dad and mum are tentative on is spending the big cash for staying at one of those' retreat 'type places. I can understand that, it probably won't "cure" it and it's a lot of money. But it seems last thing to try. Again, I think it would be better to move. But my step dad is too stubborn
Don't worry about being harsh.
Yeah I have thought about this too. Being attracted to similar traits in others. And absolutely I think in case of me and mum and my sister it carries down genetically (my biological dad had it too)
I do go out on my own. I have to. I no longer feel guilty for it. I'm out tomorrow with a friend on my bike.
And yeah when I say I worry about it (the future) it doesn't weigh on my mind. But every now and then I'll think about it. Sometimes it a plus. It makes me get out today. But yes. Hopefully by that point knee replacements etc will be better. Maybe even robotic. One can dream!
Now, I'm pretty healthy. And incredibly grateful for that. My knees are giving me no issues. Even after I went over the handlebars and landed on my knee. A good day.
But yes. As long as I can get out, that hopefully we'll be enough.
As to the situation at home. Still keeping on with that. If it really does bring me down, we will have to talk about it. Right now I'm OK. But for her, she's getting worse. It really sucks for her. Job, physical health, metal health. All negative. She is trying.
She can manage herself, cook etc. The physical side is bad but not crippling I guess at the moment.
But she just exists at home. But last night she couldn't mentally cook. This is a new one. It means her anxiety is so bad that it's interfering with basic tasks. I've only been that bad once. And it was bad!
Mum, she tried a lot. The thing my step dad and mum are tentative on is spending the big cash for staying at one of those' retreat 'type places. I can understand that, it probably won't "cure" it and it's a lot of money. But it seems last thing to try. Again, I think it would be better to move. But my step dad is too stubborn
My wife has struggled most of her life with mental health... I never did... but when my Dad died it all changed for me... My wife's support is MOSTLY good but there are times when I wish she was consistent in support cos she flips the other way....
So, not a case of like minded people attracted to each other for us...
I absolutely loath mental health... Never experienced problems and its scary and really unpleasant to not be in total control (part of my issues related to being a total control freak)
So, not a case of like minded people attracted to each other for us...
I absolutely loath mental health... Never experienced problems and its scary and really unpleasant to not be in total control (part of my issues related to being a total control freak)
Soldato
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@413x does your gf get a panic attack when cooking? Just trying to understand the anxiety part of it.
The anxiety is new. It's a direct result of work and a conflict with her boss.
Her job and the mindset it's put her in means she can't stop thinking about it.
You know, when an issue in Your life consumes you.
She just can't 'forget about it'
It's just completely shut her down
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Does she work for Blizzard by any chance?
Ha no. A lowly marketing position. She's in a role she shouldn't be in. Just not suited to it. Liked writing.. Ended up in marketing.
Funny, we were just talking about this at work. About managers causing mental health issues and causing people to go off long-term sick. Some managers are toxic and the best thing anyone can do is leave them.
As someone said to me once, "people don't leave jobs, they leave managers".
Yes. If she was in my position shed long be left. But it's a tough environment for her jobs are not so readily available. The 'count down' to her having to go back to work makes it worse, each job she goes for is more pressure to get it.
Unfortunately she's one of those who if job isn't OK. Life isn't OK.
Soldato
Going to chime in here as my girlfriend had similar shortly after we met. Sort of 3 or 4 months in when we were getting pretty serious but hardly planning to move in.
She had a panic attack at work on a Monday. Sent home. Another panic attack on Tuesday, sent home again and told to take the week off. Back next week - same again.
She was off sick, then signed off sick, and then signed off on indefinite sick leave. She had been thinking over this time she was too stressed at work and didn't really want to go back, so it wasn't awful when she eventually got told she was being let go (though obviously unpleasant and a bit painful).
At this point she had moved into mine for a few weeks as she was between houses and the roof wasn't finished at her parent's where she would've stayed. She was very much a nervous wreck, would have a panic attack if housemates slammed our front door. Didn't really go out - needed more than a day's notice to go to the shops, if I suggested popping out or visiting family she would hyperventilate.
Glued to the sofa for some weeks or months, obviously with some doctor's visits and then some medication and some therapy being added to the mix. She never really ended up going back to her parents or finding a house, so with me she stayed as I had space and energy to support her. It was a long rough patch.
To put a silver lining on it, while she was in this state she took up several hobbies for anxiety like colouring in, knitting, sketching etc. These somehow developed into some ideas for jewellery which she had a batch manufactured. Sold those online, made some more, designed some new stuff, started a little business. She works on her terms, her hours, can do it all from home as we live next to a postbox. 5 or so years later she has her own laser cutter, a brand and a business all her own which is brilliant. She still wouldn't be able to hold down a 9-5 40 hour job, between varying stress and stability levels and the added burden of commuting etc.
So tl;dr, sometimes the way to work through these solutions is to adapt and change and grow rather than expecting to go "back to normal"
She had a panic attack at work on a Monday. Sent home. Another panic attack on Tuesday, sent home again and told to take the week off. Back next week - same again.
She was off sick, then signed off sick, and then signed off on indefinite sick leave. She had been thinking over this time she was too stressed at work and didn't really want to go back, so it wasn't awful when she eventually got told she was being let go (though obviously unpleasant and a bit painful).
At this point she had moved into mine for a few weeks as she was between houses and the roof wasn't finished at her parent's where she would've stayed. She was very much a nervous wreck, would have a panic attack if housemates slammed our front door. Didn't really go out - needed more than a day's notice to go to the shops, if I suggested popping out or visiting family she would hyperventilate.
Glued to the sofa for some weeks or months, obviously with some doctor's visits and then some medication and some therapy being added to the mix. She never really ended up going back to her parents or finding a house, so with me she stayed as I had space and energy to support her. It was a long rough patch.
To put a silver lining on it, while she was in this state she took up several hobbies for anxiety like colouring in, knitting, sketching etc. These somehow developed into some ideas for jewellery which she had a batch manufactured. Sold those online, made some more, designed some new stuff, started a little business. She works on her terms, her hours, can do it all from home as we live next to a postbox. 5 or so years later she has her own laser cutter, a brand and a business all her own which is brilliant. She still wouldn't be able to hold down a 9-5 40 hour job, between varying stress and stability levels and the added burden of commuting etc.
So tl;dr, sometimes the way to work through these solutions is to adapt and change and grow rather than expecting to go "back to normal"
Soldato
Love thisSo tl;dr, sometimes the way to work through these solutions is to adapt and change and grow rather than expecting to go "back to normal"
Caporegime
That's a great story and outcome! On this quoted point, I'm a firm believer that some people just aren't cut out for the vast majority of jobs. I'd probably count myself in that if I hadn't lucked my way into a niche area.
Edit: when I say the vast majority of jobs I mean just that, not careers.
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@LuckyBenski
What a great story and especially the result.
Is she happier than she ever was with work situation?
What a great story and especially the result.
Is she happier than she ever was with work situation?