Mental health plays a bigger part in my family than I wish - I barely know anything about yet, yet myself, my mother, grandmother and grandfather all suffer from depression. We keep it to ourselves, and all cope with it well enough.
I've had counselling over the years, as I found it can get a little too much at times. As I've got older, and outgrown my adolescent years, I've had a better understanding of what it means, and how it affects me.
My father is one of those 'you chose your mood'. And I agree somewhat. From his point of view, you always have a choice to look at a situation half full or half empty, but anyone that knows someone who has depression or has it themselves would understand its not about the feeling in the moment. It's a long term effect.
For me, the worst part is vitality (or lack of). I can cope with the extreme feeling of despair and hopelessness, as I can usually sleep it off. But the lack of enthusiasm towards everything I loved as a kid, like gaming, reading, music and many sports is hard.
I used to be one of those teachers pets who'd study loads, not because I wanted good grades, but because I enjoyed learning. I loved it, in fact.
I excelled at my GCSEs, purely because I enjoyed learning.
Now I never have the energy. I finish a day at uni, and I'm exhausted. I nearly failed my first year because of it. I don't sleep more than 5 hours in a night, yet I used to be renowned for being that person who could fall asleep in a nightclub.
I don't socialise, nor have anyone to socialise with anymore (no fault but my own - no excuses here!)
But I deal with it. I don't think anyone would know I was unless I told them. I wake up every morning and put a brave face on.
Summer was tough, for me. I wasn't lucky enough to get a job, so put my summer rent on my overdraft, and borrowed the money for a holiday I had booked last year from my parents, then got robbed and had all of it stolen
(changed all of it up before hand in the UK due to getting a really good exchange rate - 1.11 GBP to EURO I believe). Insurance company haven't paid up either the muppets
This uni year, I've become a peer mentor. It essentially means I'm the first point of contact for the new students. I can help them with most stuff, or point them in the right direction (stuff like course related questions, or if they're not adapting to the new lifestyle well). I'm really excited for it, and meet my mentees on Tuesday
I'd like my post to be a message to those in need of just someone to talk to. Drop me a message if you just need someone to chat