Associate
I really hope so
The most messed up day of my life (UPDATED)
- Thread starter GTA
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Associate
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Well, my day just got a whole lot worse, as the gods of fate once again crap in the bag of chips that is my life.
Here's what's happened since my first post.
----------------------
So I'm sitting at my desk, fresh out of the shower, and now blissfully free of paint, drool, and with the handcuffs+key stowed safely away in my drawer for "personal use" when my phone throws up some SMS beeps.
Its Rob.
"my mum sed u went round, soz, not there, at dads place. u left sumthing at the house, she sed u **** go pick it up"
At this, I'm raging with, well, rage. Not least because txt spk gets right on my ****.
I start screaming at my phone. "OF COURSE I BLOODY LEFT SOMETHING AT THE HOUSE!!! I LEFT A LOT OF THINGS, MY DIGNITY, SELF RESPECT, AS WELL AS MY ******* TROUSERS!!!"
I'm halfway through dialing his number to inform him that his mum is a screwed up skank, having already resigned myself to losing his friendship, when I start to think clearly. I put the phone down and reconsider.
His mum is never going to tell him what we did, she can't without revealing that she a) seduced me, and b) dresses as a leopard to get her jollies. Maybe there's a way for me to remain friends with this guy, after all, its not his fault that his mum is a headcase.
The way I see it, I've got limited options. I decide to go round to the house, and if worst comes to worst, and she attacks me, unless she's got a weapon, I can just kick her ass, get my clothes back, and then leave.
She's not getting the bloody handcuffs back though.
So I get dressed, text Rob back telling him I'm going over there, and head off. I drive to the house, park up and knock on the door. Mrs. Rob answers, very polite, and thanks god, not dressed as a leopard any more. She invites me inside, and I sit on the sofa, where the clothes I left behind the first time are folded up in a neat pile. She sits in a chair opposite me.
"I think we need to talk" she says.
Understatement of the bloody century darling! Only a few hours ago you were trying to rip my balls off.
"Yeah, I think we do" I reply. "Rob is one of my best mates, and I'm sure you don't want him to hear about what happened between us anymore than I do."
"Oh, I agree, I think it would be better if he didn't know about the whole furry thing if possible"
Alarm bells start ringing in my head. Something's wrong, she's being far too nice.
"Okay then," I say "We won't say anything more, I'll just take my clothes and leave" I start to make my way to the door.
Just then, I hear a click from the direction of the front door
I spin round to face her, scared now.
"Is there someone else here?! who the hell else is here?!?"
A very familiar voice from behind me, and my heart sinks.
"Hello Paul"
I spin round so fast I almost fall down. Standing there, with a small penknife in one hand, and a black binliner in the other, is Rob.
"Rob... what are you doing here, and, erm, what are you doing with a knife?" I try to keep my voice calm, but I do a poor job, probably because I'm VERY close to soiling myself.
Thankfully, he looks down at the knife, and says "Oh, ****, forgot I was holding that, I'm finished with it now." He folded the ( pitifully small I now notice ) blade away and put it down on the table.
Well, pant soiling narrowly avoided. But he's still staring at me, but now his expression has rapidly switched to anger.
"Sit down" He barks, I don't think this is a request, so I perch on the edge of the sofa. He's standing over me, pointing a finger at my chest.
"My mum told me what you did today you son of a *****! How could you do this to me! You're supposed to be my friend! "
This comes very fast, he's really ****** off.
"Erm, what did she tell you happened?" I inquire.
"EVERYTHING! How you came over here, got her drunk, and then tried to take ******* advantage of her!"
Holy crap, I'm not having this. I start yelling at him.
"THATS NOT HOW IT HAPPENED BONEHEAD! SHE SEDUCED ME! NOT THE ******* OTHER WAY ROUND! SHE HANDCUFFED ME TO THE BED AND DRESSED UP LIKE A WIERD CAT THING AND THEN HER TAIL CAME OFF AND THEN I ESCAPED AND THEN....."
I trail off, noticing that he's grinning.
"I knew you'd make up something like that Paul, you're quite an impressive liar. Do you really expect me to believe this crap?"
"But Its..." I start, but its no use, even I notice how ridiculous it sounds.
"Now we've got the bull**** out of the way, i'm gonna teach you a lesson for ******* about with my mum! Jesus dude, I still can't believe you'd pull something like this." He's still grinning as he says this, but its not a nice grin.
"Errr, what?" I don't like the way this is going.
"Take off your clothes, and put them in the bag." He holds out the binliner.
"Suck my balls pal! I'm not taking my bloody clothes off!" I don't know why I sound so brave, I'm a pussy.
"Fine, we'll do it the hard way." At this, he punches me in the stomach, and I go down like a cheap whore, coughing and spluttering. Told you I was a pussy.
He starts tearing off my jacket, and Mrs Rob joins in, and while he's working on my shoes, she gets the chance to whisper "Who's the freak now?" and spits in my face.
I'm kicking and screaming, but its no bloody use. There's two of them, Rob is a big guy, and as I said, Mrs. Rob is a fairly large lady herself. Fairly quickly I find myself lying stark naked on the living room floor. Rob is going through my jacket, he fishes my keys out of the pocket and chucks them at me. They hit me on the nipple, it hurts.
He now tells me : "Right, get the hell out ********, you can walk back home."
My curiosity as to why I'm walking when my car is outside and he's given me my keys lasts all of 30 seconds as he marches me to the door and boots me in the ass as he pushes me through it.
The ******* has slashed my tyres. Thats what the knife was for.
I turn round to look at him, he's standing leaning on the doorframe, laughing his head off. I launch an unprintable tirade of abuse at him. I invent 3 new swearwords in the process.
He just waits for me to finish, then says "Start walking" and slams the door.
So there I am, for the second time in one crappy day, standing on my "mate's" drive, scared, and with pretty much every bit of me on display.
I think for a second. There's nothing else for it. I start walking.
Its a 20 minute walk back to campus, which luckily for me is a main road.... Its bloody freezing, I'm huddled over, cupping my package with both hands, and trying to ignore the drivers honking at me.
At one point, I was hit on the back with a McDonalds milkshake, which some helpful soul slowed down to throw at me. Me subsequently using both hands to swear at him as he started to pull away only gave him a bigger laugh. If anyone reading this is that person, cheers *******.
And then the obvious happens, blue light, and a police car pulls alongside me. I stop walking. Its two WPCs, I take a second to curse equality, and say "What seems to be the problem officers?" as they wind down the window.
Fortunatly, they see the funny side, and they help me into the back of the car, where I sit looking sheepish.
The non-driver asks me the usual questions, why the hell am I walking along naked, is this some sort of rag stunt, do I know that its illegal to wave my nuts about in public.
I consider telling them the whole story, but I realise it wouldn't be believed, and I might get charged with lying to the police or something.
I end up telling them that my mates did it to me for a laugh, it was an initiation thing. We're fairly big on that in Loughborough, and they understand. In fact, they take me back to the station, give me some clothes and shoes from lost property, and a cup of tea.
After what seems like every policeman and WPC in the whole of liecester sticks their head round the door and has a good laugh at me, they let me go with a warning about public indecency, blah blah blah, and I walk home.
I'm obviously no longer friends with Rob, I've cancelled all my cards, just as a precaution, after all, he did keep my wallet, and there's no way I'm going round there again, except possibly in the dead of night to get my car back.
I can't wait for this day to end.
Here's what's happened since my first post.
----------------------
So I'm sitting at my desk, fresh out of the shower, and now blissfully free of paint, drool, and with the handcuffs+key stowed safely away in my drawer for "personal use" when my phone throws up some SMS beeps.
Its Rob.
"my mum sed u went round, soz, not there, at dads place. u left sumthing at the house, she sed u **** go pick it up"
At this, I'm raging with, well, rage. Not least because txt spk gets right on my ****.
I start screaming at my phone. "OF COURSE I BLOODY LEFT SOMETHING AT THE HOUSE!!! I LEFT A LOT OF THINGS, MY DIGNITY, SELF RESPECT, AS WELL AS MY ******* TROUSERS!!!"
I'm halfway through dialing his number to inform him that his mum is a screwed up skank, having already resigned myself to losing his friendship, when I start to think clearly. I put the phone down and reconsider.
His mum is never going to tell him what we did, she can't without revealing that she a) seduced me, and b) dresses as a leopard to get her jollies. Maybe there's a way for me to remain friends with this guy, after all, its not his fault that his mum is a headcase.
The way I see it, I've got limited options. I decide to go round to the house, and if worst comes to worst, and she attacks me, unless she's got a weapon, I can just kick her ass, get my clothes back, and then leave.
She's not getting the bloody handcuffs back though.
So I get dressed, text Rob back telling him I'm going over there, and head off. I drive to the house, park up and knock on the door. Mrs. Rob answers, very polite, and thanks god, not dressed as a leopard any more. She invites me inside, and I sit on the sofa, where the clothes I left behind the first time are folded up in a neat pile. She sits in a chair opposite me.
"I think we need to talk" she says.
Understatement of the bloody century darling! Only a few hours ago you were trying to rip my balls off.
"Yeah, I think we do" I reply. "Rob is one of my best mates, and I'm sure you don't want him to hear about what happened between us anymore than I do."
"Oh, I agree, I think it would be better if he didn't know about the whole furry thing if possible"
Alarm bells start ringing in my head. Something's wrong, she's being far too nice.
"Okay then," I say "We won't say anything more, I'll just take my clothes and leave" I start to make my way to the door.
Just then, I hear a click from the direction of the front door
I spin round to face her, scared now.
"Is there someone else here?! who the hell else is here?!?"
A very familiar voice from behind me, and my heart sinks.
"Hello Paul"
I spin round so fast I almost fall down. Standing there, with a small penknife in one hand, and a black binliner in the other, is Rob.
"Rob... what are you doing here, and, erm, what are you doing with a knife?" I try to keep my voice calm, but I do a poor job, probably because I'm VERY close to soiling myself.
Thankfully, he looks down at the knife, and says "Oh, ****, forgot I was holding that, I'm finished with it now." He folded the ( pitifully small I now notice ) blade away and put it down on the table.
Well, pant soiling narrowly avoided. But he's still staring at me, but now his expression has rapidly switched to anger.
"Sit down" He barks, I don't think this is a request, so I perch on the edge of the sofa. He's standing over me, pointing a finger at my chest.
"My mum told me what you did today you son of a *****! How could you do this to me! You're supposed to be my friend! "
This comes very fast, he's really ****** off.
"Erm, what did she tell you happened?" I inquire.
"EVERYTHING! How you came over here, got her drunk, and then tried to take ******* advantage of her!"
Holy crap, I'm not having this. I start yelling at him.
"THATS NOT HOW IT HAPPENED BONEHEAD! SHE SEDUCED ME! NOT THE ******* OTHER WAY ROUND! SHE HANDCUFFED ME TO THE BED AND DRESSED UP LIKE A WIERD CAT THING AND THEN HER TAIL CAME OFF AND THEN I ESCAPED AND THEN....."
I trail off, noticing that he's grinning.
"I knew you'd make up something like that Paul, you're quite an impressive liar. Do you really expect me to believe this crap?"
"But Its..." I start, but its no use, even I notice how ridiculous it sounds.
"Now we've got the bull**** out of the way, i'm gonna teach you a lesson for ******* about with my mum! Jesus dude, I still can't believe you'd pull something like this." He's still grinning as he says this, but its not a nice grin.
"Errr, what?" I don't like the way this is going.
"Take off your clothes, and put them in the bag." He holds out the binliner.
"Suck my balls pal! I'm not taking my bloody clothes off!" I don't know why I sound so brave, I'm a pussy.
"Fine, we'll do it the hard way." At this, he punches me in the stomach, and I go down like a cheap whore, coughing and spluttering. Told you I was a pussy.
He starts tearing off my jacket, and Mrs Rob joins in, and while he's working on my shoes, she gets the chance to whisper "Who's the freak now?" and spits in my face.
I'm kicking and screaming, but its no bloody use. There's two of them, Rob is a big guy, and as I said, Mrs. Rob is a fairly large lady herself. Fairly quickly I find myself lying stark naked on the living room floor. Rob is going through my jacket, he fishes my keys out of the pocket and chucks them at me. They hit me on the nipple, it hurts.
He now tells me : "Right, get the hell out ********, you can walk back home."
My curiosity as to why I'm walking when my car is outside and he's given me my keys lasts all of 30 seconds as he marches me to the door and boots me in the ass as he pushes me through it.
The ******* has slashed my tyres. Thats what the knife was for.
I turn round to look at him, he's standing leaning on the doorframe, laughing his head off. I launch an unprintable tirade of abuse at him. I invent 3 new swearwords in the process.
He just waits for me to finish, then says "Start walking" and slams the door.
So there I am, for the second time in one crappy day, standing on my "mate's" drive, scared, and with pretty much every bit of me on display.
I think for a second. There's nothing else for it. I start walking.
Its a 20 minute walk back to campus, which luckily for me is a main road.... Its bloody freezing, I'm huddled over, cupping my package with both hands, and trying to ignore the drivers honking at me.
At one point, I was hit on the back with a McDonalds milkshake, which some helpful soul slowed down to throw at me. Me subsequently using both hands to swear at him as he started to pull away only gave him a bigger laugh. If anyone reading this is that person, cheers *******.
And then the obvious happens, blue light, and a police car pulls alongside me. I stop walking. Its two WPCs, I take a second to curse equality, and say "What seems to be the problem officers?" as they wind down the window.
Fortunatly, they see the funny side, and they help me into the back of the car, where I sit looking sheepish.
The non-driver asks me the usual questions, why the hell am I walking along naked, is this some sort of rag stunt, do I know that its illegal to wave my nuts about in public.
I consider telling them the whole story, but I realise it wouldn't be believed, and I might get charged with lying to the police or something.
I end up telling them that my mates did it to me for a laugh, it was an initiation thing. We're fairly big on that in Loughborough, and they understand. In fact, they take me back to the station, give me some clothes and shoes from lost property, and a cup of tea.
After what seems like every policeman and WPC in the whole of liecester sticks their head round the door and has a good laugh at me, they let me go with a warning about public indecency, blah blah blah, and I walk home.
I'm obviously no longer friends with Rob, I've cancelled all my cards, just as a precaution, after all, he did keep my wallet, and there's no way I'm going round there again, except possibly in the dead of night to get my car back.
I can't wait for this day to end.
Last edited:
Soldato
and once again ttiuwp (not of you nekkid though) 
you should really get into writing kinky books
you should really get into writing kinky books
Associate
Yeah, sorry about that, it was Burger King though. But nice "package" anyway...
Man of Honour
As compensation I'm sending you a nice Horlicks and a copy of the Times to read.
Enjoy the rest of your day
Enjoy the rest of your day
Soldato
Very good stoy buddy. .
.Deleted member 11679
D
Deleted member 11679
Excellent story, if its all true then its the most awesome thing ever!
Soldato
LMFAO this is gold. Is this real!!!?? Legend!!
Soldato
Originally posted by AmDaMan
LMFAO this is gold. Is this real!!!?? Legend!!
Hmm don't think it is
Soldato
Almost certainly bs, but who cares, he has a talent for humour!
. You certainly tell a good story.- Status