The OCUK anonymous confession thread!

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Currently lying in bed, phoned in sick to work because i cant physically stand up without going dizzy, but anyway....

Rewind to 8pm last night, I got in and felt fine. Had some tea (plate full of pasta + ketchup) and a bottle of pepsi.

Around 10pm I went to bed, watched BB, and then an episode of 24 and my stomach stated feeling a bit odd.

About an hour after I went to sleep I woke up in agony. My stomach was killing and everytime I lay on my side I felt sick. I felt like I needed the toilet, or a really big burp, so off I trundle to the toilet.

Now what I should point out is that last night we had a guest stopping here, and she'll be here every night till Sunday as her parents left her in our care. She's 17, and slept in my mums room opposite the bathroom.

So I'm sitting on the toilet, and all you have to imagine is the scene in dumb and dumber when Harry FINALLY gets to a toilet following Lloyd planting a laxative in his drink.

Everything was deadly silent, then all of a sudden I let rip, the much feared Diarrhoea had struck! Now I know for a fact that you can hear anyone taking a **** in our house from any room upstairs, but obviously my situation wasn't just a few simple "plops".

I feel so embarrassed :( I think I ate way too much pasta, bot sure really. Still in agony now, feel like I need to bump constantly but nothing will happen.
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You should have antisipated the outcome and at least made a cussion out of toilet roll to dampen the splashes :p :cool:
 
LOL

I remember some years ago, after a seriously heavy session of Pernod & Black, and this weird cider that had crows beaks and twigs still in it ( runnign joke cos it was so vile, but it was 19% so who gave a stuff? )

Anyway, on the way home, we had our ceremonial Spring rolls from the chinese, and later on that night, I suddenly awoke and not feeling 100% I ran to the door , but i twas locked and it was dark... I tried runnign to the window, but too many bodies were on the floor, so I tried the door again, but I freaked and blew my guts everywhere!!!! - I made such a noise, that it woke a couple of the others up, and of course they were not too clever themselves, and thought I was a burglar, so they jumped me, and we all slipped in the spew, and then sue switched the light on and the horror of my guts was revealed to all... The black currant of course was the staining agent, I was absolutely stark naked covered in half digested purple acidic noodles and beansprouts and it was absolutely everywhere... The stench was amazing... Everyone had to get out and they filled the hallway and down the stairs while fat muggins here had at it all with a toothbrush, and a washign up bowl, and some matches to hook it out of the cracks.

Funny thing is, I cant remember ever getting invited after that?
 
This is my confession.

He just kept shouting and shouting so I grabbed that bar and I closed my eyes and starting swinging it around and around and when I opened my eyes he was just lying there. There was blood everywhere. I tried to wake him, I swear I did.

I felt so dirty, I stayed in the shower for around 8 hours trying to clean myself.

Oh my god what have I done.....

























































































;)
 
benjo said:
You should have antisipated the outcome and at least made a cussion out of toilet roll to dampen the splashes :p :cool:
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We're so cool :cool:

Feels like I'm a member of an elite club.
 
I've sent in tonnes of confessions that haven't been used, I think Vanilla's fear for his account is preventing us hearing the real good stuff, trust me, these will blow your socks off.
 
My parents split up when I was about 8. I dont think I took it too bad, but my behaviour at school went downhill. On top of this I also wet the bed until I was about 15. It was so embarrasing and there was nothing I could do about it. One time I fell asleep in a friends house in their chair and wet myself. I dont think anyone noticed but I had to walk home through town. This is probaby the most ashamed I can remember bieng.
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Can I just say something that may help not only the poster of this, but others out there... As there are some, although its a very touchy subject and can be a very embarrasing one.

I used to wet the bed until I was about 13

I was also a little bit of a rogue and have seen *** inside of the local police stations enough to know what was on the notice boards.

Now, the best thing that has ever happened to me, was that my father got me into the Cadets... Royal Welch Fusiliers to be more precise.

Now, on our first weekend camp, I woke up in the morning and I had wet the bed... However, there was another lad they called Jimmy Riddle ( So called because we always widdled the bed ) and they expected him to wet his, and he did, and what happened, was that they were so concerned about taking the piddle out of him ( no pun intended ) that they never knew that I had also wet the bed too!

Of course, I was able to make my bed and hide it, but later on during the day, my bed was still soaking and so, what I did was wait till everyone was out on C&C and I came back and I swapped my bed sheets for jims clean ones.

I got away with that but to this day, I feel so rotten for it.

This lad still ives locally and I saw him a few weeks back.

I think that the next time I do see him, I will come clean because he is a really nice guy. ( No, Im not gay )
 
Tru said:
I've sent in tonnes of confessions that haven't been used, I think Vanilla's fear for his account is preventing us hearing the real good stuff, trust me, these will blow your socks off.
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*make new account at work, post saucy details, we read saucy details, alternate account gets banned, but it was colateral

win-win


*but dont actually do this cos more than 1 account is against the rules
 
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