The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

MisChief's situation sounds very similar to mine and my ex's situation. She craved attention/interaction, i wanted a very laid-back relationship. i ended up breaking up with her because i found it too much. i'm very much an introvert and my ex the complete opposite. unless you can find common ground to find time for each other and don't find it a burden, then it's as good as done. i'd say save yourself the hassle and just bail, doesn't sound like you meet each others' expectations or needs.
 
MisChief said:
I wish it was that easy for me to take everyone's advice and just walk away.. But I'm a woman goddammit, I'm very emotional and find it hard to let go >.<

To be fair, he doesn't 'ignore' me. Sometimes he may take a while to reply (although he's been fairly quick at replying this evening) but he's never ignored me. As to not seeing me for 3 weeks... Other than when he cancelled on me 3 weeks ago, I've not asked to meet up as I didn't want to pressure him into seeing me. He's not bothered to ask to meet up either though and some days he won't text me and neither will I text him. I guess you could say the same about me 'neglecting' him, when actually I just want to give him space :o
Click to expand...

If your "boyfriend" is fine with not seeing your for three weeks (short of being out of the country, at sea, in space, etc), then he's not your boyfriend. What's the point of "being with someone" if you're never together? You're just another woman he's stringing along like all the others. This is pretty much what everyone told you when you posted at the beginning of this relationship.

Isn't it about time to start taking your own advice before you really get hurt? Right now, you appear to be in denial.
 
Last edited:
MisChief said:
I wish it was that easy for me to take everyone's advice and just walk away.. But I'm a woman goddammit, I'm very emotional and find it hard to let go >.<
Click to expand...

Rubbish, you're just in denial.

You need to be honest with yourself and stop making excuses.

1. This is no good for you.

2. The only future you have with him is the idea of it and him in your head. It is not the reality. You need to accept that.

3. Being a woman has absolutely nothing to do with this.

4. You can walk away, you just don't want to because you can't accept that it might not be working or over. You need to learn to cut your losses as painful as that may be.

5. He's messing you about. Have some self-respect!

6. There will be somebody else out there. This has nothing to do with 'fate' or any of that nonsense.

It's time to move on. It's not a slight against him as you obviously care for him, but it's clearly not working and it's not going to work anytime soon. Life isn't a movie. As much as it sucks being alone, it's still better than being messed around.
 
Last edited:
al4x said:
One of the signs I cannot ignore is the intimacy side. For me this is very much a sign things aren't right. I don't think she needs this like I do. She says it's a guy thing. This is absolutely not a black white answer but oh well.
Click to expand...

it's a relationship, if you can't find a decent/comfortable balance then your better off finding someone else, its not black & white but like everything else there needs to be give and take in both directions.


al4x said:
This went round a couple of times until she snapped at me and said.. Shut up you are giving me a head ache.
Click to expand...

comes down to communication, she could have cleared it up earlier, but decided to play silly buggers not giving you a straight answer, or just wasn't listening to what your saying, is that the way things normally go ?



MisChief said:
I decided to text him and say I've not seen him in 3 weeks and that I miss him. His response was, "I know! Meet up in the week? I'm at a festival otherwise woulda said today."
Click to expand...

as everyone else has said thats just plain wrong, in a relationship with someone, not been together in a few weeks and he ***** off to a festival, sod the fact someone had a free ticket, should have been round with you.

it's not easy as you've said, but as you've pointed out if it was a friend you'd give them the advice you know you should take, just need to ask yourself one question, do you deserve to be treated like crap ?, don't make excuses for him and how he's having a "bad" time, seems fine enough to go to a festival.

as for his friend, sorry to sound harsh but it seems he prefers her company to yours, do you need to know any more ?
 
MisChief said:
Well apparently his friend had a spare ticket.

If I was giving advice to a friend I'd probably say leave him :(

Edit: so it appears he's gone to the festival with his female friend.. A friend of 12 years apparently and he's staying round hers tonight on the couch... Should I worry? :o
Click to expand...

Yes,worry, don't do this, you deserve a lot better, someone who treats you right, the more this "could" or could not go on, you will beat yourself up about not making quick enough decision when its too late

If he says hes been having problems with stress etc, and wants time alone, then goes to a festival with. Female friend..?? Idiot in my opinion, his loss

Sorry but you deserve better
 
As cheesy as it may sound "blinded by love" fits right in here.. ! I just hope he doesn't break you mischief! Quite a few girls come out a mess after relationship like this.
 
It's been at most 6 months, of which I'm guesstimating the "good times" lasted no more than three months.
How is this a woman breaker?
He's been a bit of an arse from the beginning so quite how you fall so deeply in that time I don't know.
I think it's more to do with chiefs "I don't want to be left on the shelf" mindset that is stopping her from finishing it with him over any "lurve" angle...

Admit it Mischeif.....
 
Life is too short for this hassle MisChief.

I've just split up with my partner of 2 years and my mum summed it up really well. If your relationship isn't complimenting your life but instead dominating it, it really isn't right for you. I realised this and did something about it.

So much happier now!
 
I find it hard to believe this is all in a relationship about 2 months old. Why in gods name would someone put themselves through that lol.

You might expect this crap 2 years in but 2 months is ridiculous.
 
MisChief said:
I wish it was that easy for me to take everyone's advice and just walk away.. But I'm a woman goddammit, I'm very emotional and find it hard to let go >.<

To be fair, he doesn't 'ignore' me. Sometimes he may take a while to reply (although he's been fairly quick at replying this evening) but he's never ignored me. As to not seeing me for 3 weeks... Other than when he cancelled on me 3 weeks ago, I've not asked to meet up as I didn't want to pressure him into seeing me. He's not bothered to ask to meet up either though and some days he won't text me and neither will I text him. I guess you could say the same about me 'neglecting' him, when actually I just want to give him space :o
Click to expand...

Is this the same bloke you've had issues with from near enough day one? If so people on here were telling you to get rid when this so called relationship first started after you mentioned the issues you were having. It was only going to end one way then and nothing has changed now.

Cut and run! Sure it will be hard but do it now before it drags on to its inevitable conclusion.
 
Last edited:
FinglisHobbit said:
I find it hard to believe this is all in a relationship about 2 months old. Why in gods name would someone put themselves through that lol.

You might expect this crap 2 years in but 2 months is ridiculous.
Click to expand...

Well there is an unfortunate skew in society's perception of women who haven't settled down long term by the end of their twenties. Guys seem to get away with it, but women get put under a lot of pressure to not be single in their 30s, ala Bridget Jones n whatnot.
 
krooton said:
Well there is an unfortunate skew in society's perception of women who haven't settled down long term by the end of their twenties. Guys seem to get away with it, but women get put under a lot of pressure to not be single in their 30s, ala Bridget Jones n whatnot.
Click to expand...

I've never understood this - despite it being nice to be in a relationship, if it came to it I'd see no problem with spending the rest of my life on my own.
There's an upside to being on your todd - porn and pizza night is every night! :D (not that I am, so I have to wait until she's away for the evening... :p )
 
mattyprice4004 said:
I've never understood this - despite it being nice to be in a relationship, if it came to it I'd see no problem with spending the rest of my life on my own.
There's an upside to being on your todd - porn and pizza night is every night! :D (not that I am, so I have to wait until she's away for the evening... :p )
Click to expand...

Society is pretty big on people living a predetermined and 'approved' life, rather than whatever life they want. ;)
 
Thanks guys. I really appreciate the advice.

I think the last straw has finally broke the camel's back. I was meant to meet up with him this evening but he just text to say he's staying round his mums for dinner and can we meet during the week instead. Yet another cancellation. I'm rocking up round his this evening to take two of my things back and I'll be done with him.

I can do so much better.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom