Trolling my 'rents.

[Theophany]

First and foremost, I love my family more than anything else in this world, but we do have something of an ongoing 'thing' of playing practical jokes on each other that started approximately on the day I was born.

On Sunday I was involved in a filming session for my housemate's job application to Saatchi & Saatchi, for which she has to spoof a popular TV advert. She chose to do the BT Adam & Jane campaign, which apparently will feature the marriage of the two on the same day as the upcoming Royal Wedding.

Many photos were taken as we staged the photo shoot and filming at the University chapel and some of them look quite believable for a student wedding on a shoestring budget. My parents hate the thought of me getting married until I'm at least 30 (not good enough for me, live your life, etc) so I thought I could have a bit of fun at their expense. A small selection of the many photos taken:

http://www.alexboni.net/ocuk/joke1.jpg
http://www.alexboni.net/ocuk/joke2.jpg
http://www.alexboni.net/ocuk/joke3.jpg

So now I'm thinking what should I write in the email I'm going to send with the photos attached? Or should I send them in a different format to email? I know my dear mother will **** a chicken when she sees them and I'm pretty sure my dad will freak out too. I'm wondering what is the best way to email them to convey sorrow for not telling them, but also great pride in what I'm claiming to have done. If I leave it to April 1st, they'll clock my troll immediately and a great opportunity will have been wasted. Plus, I could do with a laugh today.

Thoughts people?

 

[Theophany]

No one will believe you got married in that tie

Rawr!

I have a limited selection of suits and ties at my disposal when away from home and I was keen not to wear my job interview threads, knowing we'd be out at the pub straight afterwards

 

[Theophany]

She's pregnant. The baby is probably (not definately) yours.

That was actually the storyline for the ad!

 

[Theophany]

I reckon your dad will be proud to see his son punching above his weight, then when you tell him, he'll be "son, I am disappoint"

Oi!!

Damn, that dress is ugly.

£10 from a charity shop, what do you expect?

Ok, sent. IIRC my old man is out of the office until ~4pm today, so he won't pick it up until then. But here is the email:

 

[Theophany]

An update will come as soon as I get a response
Like I said, probably won't hear anything back until after 4; Dad's out of the office and Ma has no idea how to use email!

heh the email is spot on btw. Have your parents met Jo?

Nope, which is makes it even better. The girl has great banter so if they had met they'd guess it was a wind up straight away!

 

[Theophany]

Hahaha, this is awesome.

OT - do you honestly have that as your sig on all your emails? Eeeek. My old estate agent used to do that, really wound me up (for no reason whatsoever really).

Yeah, it's mainly for emails that go out from my University account as they specifically ask that we provide a signature to identify us for external emails. It's not enforced as far as I know, but it's easier to whack it in and comply than not to. Ended up putting it on my personal email account for the purposes of emails to prospective employers, seeing as I seem to end up exchanging a lot of emails with people in HR departments.

Still, it's nowhere near as bad as the enormous signature that I had to have on all my work emails!

 

[Theophany]

Did you rename the images?

I only renamed them for the OcUK upload, all the attached ones have their original DCIM_* names

 

[Theophany]

University offers to pay for the reception if it's 2 students? If your parents believe that please pass them the message that I have a goose for sale that lays golden eggs...

Believe it or not, but this is actually partly true! If two Exonians get married the University offers them Reed Hall as a wedding/reception venue for no fee!

 

[Theophany]

Random fun fact whilst we wait for the **** to hit the fan at home: the lady who partook in this spoof as my 'bride' was on Flog It! recently. Bloody glad my folks don't watch such tripe!

 

[Theophany]

More pics of bride please

Haha! Might have to source permission first!

Got a text message earlier today from my ex-gf; utterly fuming that my Facebook relationship status is currently 'Married' and there are a load of photos from this wedding troll that we are tagged in! (yes, the troll is going everywhere)

Might have something to do with the fact that the ex-gf hated this girl and saw her as a threat...

 

[Theophany]

that makes it even better! (depending on if you like your ex or not?)

I didn't much before and I definitely don't now!

 

[Theophany]

The eleventh hour approaches...

..meanwhile, aside from the many chat bubbles I've had opening up on Facebook to congratulate me and ask what on earth I am doing with my life, the lovely bride is remaining committed to the troll amongst her own friends. Truly stellar performance - maybe I should actually propose?

The parentals should be blowing their lids within the next 10 minutes I expect...

 

[Theophany]

****!!

So my phone has been ringing for the past few moments, going to let it ride to voicemail and see what the reaction is and who leaves the message, might give me some clues as to how it's been received!


THE **** HAS HIT THE FAN - REPEAT, THE **** HAS HIT THE FAN!!!

 

[Theophany]

Christ, ok, I think this has gone pretty much EXACTLY to plan folks. We are looking at a stage 3 meltdown right now. I have quite possibly given my mother a freakin' brain aneurysm.

Normally she's really bubbly, got a very happy tone to her voice and rarely gets angry. But she has this special tone of voice that I came to learn as a child growing up. Basically, this tone of voice you are about to hear is one I have only ever heard in my life moments before getting a massive bollocking and the sole of a slipper to my arse!

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Theophany's mum, probably with blood trickling out of her ears right now:

http://www.alexboni.net/ocuk/mum_voicemail.wma

Another few minutes and I call, hopefully just as she's reaching critical mass.

 

[Theophany]

just says can you phone me, but she does sound a wee bit startled

It's difficult to describe, but trust me that is the voice my brothers and I grew up to fear. It's short, sharp and basically not how she ever talks to anybody.

 

[Theophany]

Personally Id let it gestate a while longer - at least for a second call to come first - your move

ps3ud0

Two more calls, no more voicemails. I'm noticing that none are coming from my dad's office or mobile number, they're all coming from home, which is a bit off. Normally my dad would do the 'dad' thing and call son first discreetly to ask what the hell I'm playing at and warn me of an impending ass-whooping from my mum...

 

[Theophany]

Anyone else think there's too much sexual tension between our protagonists and that they will actually eventually end up getting married?

I could do a lot worse for myself!

Haven't heard of any trolls getting married in real life before

 

[Theophany]

The woman in voicemail says "Alex, it's Sam...can you phone me?"

She also sounds young...am I missing something?

"Alex, it's mum..." Ma Theophany turns 50 this year, she'd be flattered to hear you call her young-sounding!

 

[Theophany]

Theophany, are you not worried about the family putting a hit on you for disrespecting them? That's what happens right? I've seen The Sopranos.

That part of the family is up in Edinburgh, so I have a few hours before they get to Exeter yet

 

[Theophany]

Ooo I'll pop round to them and congratulate them

My cousin just scored an F1 seat with Force India this season, I doubt news of my marriage will distract them from that for so long