Wedding hints

mp3duck said:
I've just been to my friends wedding, who had also lived together for 3-4 years before they got married.

The way they tackled the wedding gift was by firstly saying that a gift is not expected, and the guest being at the wedding is enough.

however, if they wanted to give something, they had a system with the company organising their honeymoon, where you send money to that company, which then pays for the various activities that they'll go on.

I personally gave them John Lewis Vouchers, as I think they are about the best voucher you can give. They can be spent in both John Lewis and Waitrose, and also work online.
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As a few people have said I already own a property with my fiancee. We bought two and a half years ago and have almost all the "traditional" presents that would be given.

My fiancee and I have been to a local travel agents who open what is essentially a bank account on your behalf. Guests can gift an anonymous amount of their choice (if they would like to give a gift) and this money will be used towards our honeymoon via the travel agents. We appreciate the privacy/taboo associated with cash in a card and thought this the best option because of the anonymity.
 
mpledge52 said:
So onto my next question... the wedding!!! Any hints and advice on anything and everything around the wedding? Do's and dont's etc.

Tbh I don't really have much of an opinion on it all so I've already told my gf it's pretty much up to her. Not because I can't be bothered, but because I'd like it to be what she wants. Obviously I'll put my foot down on anything I really don't like (probably the budget!).
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You have answered your own question with the last paragraph. Just don't fall into the trap of looking uninterested.
 
Thanks for all the feedback and well wishes:)

On the present front, like some people here, we already have a house and have got everything we need so 'traditional' wedding presents would be of no use. I've been to a few when they've asked for cash towards their honeymoon or whatever and it feels a bit 'off', and sounds even worse when you accompany it with the "Being here is enough in itself...but if you want to give us cash...". The idea of having some kind of fund for them to pay into (John Lewis or Travel company etc) is better but still doesn't sit right with me.

The entertainment options is a good talking point and one that I hadn't really thought about. After thinking about the events I've been to (not just weddings), the live band has always been much more engaging, even if it's music I don't like. Maybe they've all been dodgy DJ's! My dad's is in a band which would be cool but I don't think I'd like to put the pressure on him! Although I would feel mean getting another band and not asking him!

I'm not sure about the photographer. Obviously we'll get one, but I'm not convinced on shedding out ££££'s on one. Very rarely have I seen wedding photos that aren't cliche and corny. The ones that I do like are more like works of art and are not the kind of photos you look back on as it always looks staged.

Lastly, there's no way we'll be getting into debt to pay for the day. If she wants to spend thousands then she'll have to wait a few more years to save up :D

And Kappa; the honeymoon is the one thing I'm not worried about! We already agreed I can be in charge of the honeymoon :D Need to save enough to get to Tahiti though!
 
Photographers varied massively I found out when I picked mine, go out visit them / ask for their sample albums to get a feel for them. As others have said, it's your day but like you, it was more for her than me so I was always interested but ultimately I let her decide the core things like theme etc...

Get looking at venues early though, this is something you want in the bag early to make it less of a hassle. I asked for cash, like you we already had a house and i didn't want 8 toasters etc... Can the band manage without your dad? You could potentially offer it to him first and then look at others.

the one oddball thing I'd suggest (venue permitting) - I got blowpipes and balls which were hilarious and kept everyone entertained before food arrived. We had to call a ceasefire in the end as starters showed up and the staff were not all that amused.
 
Knubje said:
I know of people who had their mate do the pictures and they never received them and after 2.5 years they had split up and were still waiting on them!
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:D My point exactly.
This is why you don't pay Dave £50 but get all your mates to bring cameras and then get every bodies pictures and make an album of that.
 
mpledge52 said:
The entertainment options is a good talking point and one that I hadn't really thought about. After thinking about the events I've been to (not just weddings), the live band has always been much more engaging, even if it's music I don't like. Maybe they've all been dodgy DJ's! My dad's is in a band which would be cool but I don't think I'd like to put the pressure on him! Although I would feel mean getting another band and not asking him!
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Make sure you shop around.. There are lots of good bands around. Also might be worth considering having the wedding on a weekday, everything will be much cheaper, We as a band are almost half price on weekdays, compared to the weekend..
 
I hate doing weddings with my bands and I've got another coming up.
The problem is we aren't a wedding band, we play one type of music and I always spell it out in big letters that an average wedding audience will not like what we do and we will empty the place.
However they always insist because we are the bride & grooms favourite band and we end up playing to anywhere between 1 and 10 people while everybody else finds alternative rooms or outside.
If you book a band make sure they can play loads of different material.
 
a1ex2001 said:
We had them so obviously they are the best! Slightly more seriously they are very very good with a bit more personality than most wedding bands and they don't sound like a wedding band ie the Bass guitar blends in not thrumbs over everything like 90% of wedding bands.!
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Thanks! What sort of stuff did they play?

I still think its not rude to ask for a donation for the honeymoon.... people expect to bring something to your wedding (you are in the end paying £50 - £100+ per head for them to be there!) and I have had experience of bride and grooms to be having loads of enquiries about wedding gifts because they never put anything on their invitations about it.

BB x
 
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Spend as much as you can actually afford- don't borrow to fund it unless you really can't avoid it- you could be paying it off for years! I know someone who spent £20K and took 3 years longer than the marriage lasted to pay it off!

That said, If you scrimp, in years to come she'll resent it. Take it from someone who's been married 15 years in December, and couldn't afford a 'flashy do'. Good luck.
 
mpledge52 said:
I'm not sure about the photographer. Obviously we'll get one, but I'm not convinced on shedding out ££££'s on one. Very rarely have I seen wedding photos that aren't cliche and corny. The ones that I do like are more like works of art and are not the kind of photos you look back on as it always looks staged.
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It's people's assumptions/low expectations of bad photography and videography that keep Dave and his shoddy 27 year old family business alive.

There are good photographers out there, and don't forget the film either ;)
 
mpledge52 said:
I'm not sure about the photographer. Obviously we'll get one, but I'm not convinced on shedding out ££££'s on one. Very rarely have I seen wedding photos that aren't cliche and corny. The ones that I do like are more like works of art and are not the kind of photos you look back on as it always looks staged.
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Jerry Ghionis

It can be staged and be a work of art.

and thanks guys :) very humbled thank you :)
 
Raymond Lin said:
Jerry Ghionis

It can be staged and be a work of art.
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I think he was trying to say that he doesn't like them when they're staged.

Also, make sure you actually meet with the photographer and you like them as a person. So many times I've seen couples cringing and apologising on behalf of the photographer because they obviously liked their work but didn't check on the person behind the camera. They're such a big part of your wedding (even with the smallest amount of set shots) that if the photographer annoys you then it'll taint the whole day.
 
Russinating said:
I think he was trying to say that he doesn't like them when they're staged.
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Yep. I've had a flick through the sample albums in Raymond's link and quite frankly I think they're hideous. They are undoubtedly very impressive pieces of work but they belong in a perfume advert or some fancy catalogue, not a wedding album. In my onion of course!

Thanks for the hint about meeting the photographer - wouldn't have thought of that, and is a very sensible thing to do thinking about it.
 
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