Wedding present lists.

My girlfriend's cousin has everything and he is really hard to buy for at xmas/birthdays. During a drunken discussion about presents, and having just started dating, he said all he wanted were condoms.

Every one of his presents were little 2x2inch square packages :D

Thought it was funny.

(he got a bit of money in cards too)
 
We've asked for contributions towards Honeymoon in Maldives too, found a good travel agent and had the details in the invites with this as a suggestion only. Her indoors had already filled the house with stuff so didn't fancy yet more bowls, mirrors and glasses from John Lewis.
 
We just had this "issue" as mrs was like nah I'm not asking anyone for anything. Then we kept getting asked and we said don't worry, but people want to get you something. We're not asking for money, so set up a john lewis international wedding list as we found we only would like stuff like; nice linen, better plate sets and that. Glasses that match! You know?

Nothing big at all, but stuff we keep putting off that people could chip in for.
 
Me and my Fiancee are just going to say please don't bring any presents and request cash towards honeymoon if people feel the need to get us presents.
 
Some people will spend a lot of money on wedding gifts, but the important thing with a wedding list is to make sure that people don't feel obliged to buy expensive stuff, so you should have things on there for £5-10 as well as the more expensive stuff. We added a note to the invitation that we were just pleased that people were coming and that they needn't buy us a gift unless they wanted to.

I think the average gift value we received was about £30-40, but some people gave us £5 vouchers, and the most expensive gift was two BA Club World tickets to our choice of destination (about £5K's worth!).

/edit: I feel I should point that the Club World tickets were not on our gift list! I think the most expensive thing we had on the list was a £200 mirror, and the next most expensive was a few gifts around the £60 mark
 
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Traditionally, people got married around or just before moving into a house therefore wedding gift lists were more about buying into the couples new house. Benefit of this was that you can buy anything for a new house from a knife and fork, to say a new TV. These days this is very out of date. Some people live in a house for years before getting married and already have everything they need. In such cases, presents are kind of "for the sake of it" and fairly meaningless.

So what about money instead?
Personally, I don't like the idea of presents OR money at Weddings. I find it a little offensive when people say as politely as they can in the invite that they basically want money to "help with the cost of the wedding/honeymoon/bla bla bla". If you can't afford to get married (I can't, so I don't) then don't have a wedding. Why should I help to pay for your wedding? This is especially true of family weddings where you are told "you are wearing this" and you have to pay to rent/buy a suit or dress as part of the bridal/groom party. A lot of weddings you have to pay to stay in a hotel if they are far away and/or in the middle of nowhere as well - which they typically tend to be these days - and you actually want to have a couple of drinks.

I just feel like the whole wedding thing should be about being grateful that guests even come at all, let alone asking for money and gifts.

On my invites when/if I get married, it won't even mention money/vouchers/gifts/lists. It literally will just be an invite. If anything it would ask people NOT to give anything.
 
People like to give presents though. We aren't asking for money rather saying if they want to get a present then money would be best.
 
Friend of mine who got married a few years ago asked that anyone wishing to buy a gift should donate to the neonatal unit at the local hospital instead, as they felt they had received excellent care when their child was born 7 weeks premature, which I thought was a nice idea.
 
randomshenans said:
We just had this "issue" as mrs was like nah I'm not asking anyone for anything. Then we kept getting asked and we said don't worry, but people want to get you something. We're not asking for money, so set up a john lewis international wedding list as we found we only would like stuff like; nice linen, better plate sets and that. Glasses that match! You know?

Nothing big at all, but stuff we keep putting off that people could chip in for.
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We did this. It was a great chance to upgrade all my old uni rubbish and towels I'd had since I was 12. Generally things on the list were linen, kitchen stuff (ice-cream machine & a mincer - excellent) with a couple of cheeky high value things just in case anyone felt very generous. Ended up getting bought a Sonos and some expensive lamp the misses loved and I thought was a bit daft and no one would buy...

The added bonus of John Lewis is that people can buy any value of vouchers if they don't see anything they like and if you don't want something you can get vouchers instead.

Any cash we were given is being put into wine from the vintage we were married to be drunk on future anniversaries and special occasions.
 
We didn't include the wedding list details in our invites. If people asked about presents we then sent them the details.

I don't understand asking people not to give; this is your wedding day and I'm fairly sure that if your friends want to come to your wedding then they would like to get you a gift.

I'm off to a wedding tomorrow. The couple have lived together for 8 years, they have two kids and a house but they don't have much cash and so the wedding reception is fish and chips and dancing at the village hall with 60's and 70's fancy dress. They said on their invites that the only present they wanted was our presence on their day, but that if people wanted to give something then a honeymoon contribution would suffice.

I thought that was perfectly polite.

I've completely ignored it and bought a present.
 
But I don't think the fact that you can give any voucher or cash value helps. If anything it makes it worse. Although it is meant to read as "don't worry you can give what you can afford" it to me reads "don't worry pikies, you can give a tenner if you can't afford a new John Lewis pillow". As an example, I am going to a wedding soon actually and they are a colleague only.
How much should I give since they have asked for money only.
£10?
£20?
£30?
£50?
£100?
If I should give what I can "afford" then well...what does that even mean? I can afford to give away £100 probably and still survive. Do I want to? No.
 
jaybee said:
But I don't think the fact that you can give any voucher or cash value helps. If anything it makes it worse. Although it is meant to read as "don't worry you can give what you can afford" it to me reads "don't worry pikies, you can give a tenner if you can't afford a new John Lewis pillow". As an example, I am going to a wedding soon actually and they are a colleague only.
How much should I give since they have asked for money only.
£10?
£20?
£30?
£50?
£100?
If I should give what I can "afford" then well...what does that even mean? I can afford to give away £100 probably and still survive. Do I want to? No.
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Fairly jaded view :) Give what you feel is right.

Our invite was words to the effect of: All we want is your presence on the day, if you insist on getting us a gift there's a list at John Lewis.

I'm pretty sure everyone got us something and many were 10 times as generous as they should have been. If I like you enough to invite you to my wedding I couldn't give a stuff if you gave nothing and would still invite you to the next one :p.
 
My fiancee and I spoke to our local travel agent and they suggested that we book a honeymoon wherever we like and then guests can pay whatever they like (anonymously) towards it. That way no-one feels pressured into giving as much as someone else, only what they want. In addition, he said that as we have to pay the balance a month before travel, if there are any late payments then they will refund us that as cash for our trip. Sorted. :)
 
I'm all in favour of gift lists, as long as they're sensible. As a guest it means I can get something I know the couple would like to receive. And as a recipient, I know that a lot of the things I see in my home were bought by my nearest & dearest.
 
Traditionally couples didn't live together or have a home set up, now many have already moved in together and / bought a home, so need little, as such lists are less popular now.

Honeymoon points are often used now instead giving people the opportunity to offer the couple some activities whilst on honeymoon.

However often it's usual to leave some cash for the couple nowadays in the gift box, I don't see anything wrong with that. I think it's a nice gesture. :) we've left foreign currency for people going away for their honey moon as an alternative to just cash.
 
I think it's taking the **** given that most people have gone out of their way to come to your wedding, and, certainly in the case of some some weddings I've been to, spent over the odds to be there.

I refused to have a wedding list, people still gave money.
 
platypus said:
I think it's taking the **** given that most people have gone out of their way to come to your wedding, and, certainly in the case of some some weddings I've been to, spent over the odds to be there.

I refused to have a wedding list, people still gave money.
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+1

I hate the idea of wedding lists at stores etc.

Why my good lady and I tied the knot 13 years ago all we asked from our friends was that they came and had a good day/night. We had already lived together for several years prior to getting married and had what we needed and if we did need anything we would get it ourselves eventually anyway.
 
Hate the idea myself. Just be thankful for what you get.

Having just got married myself it was great as most people don't know what to get us so we just get lots of money.:D
 
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