What would you do? (relationship)

From your post I assume you are not religious, since your girlfriend obviously is is sex before marriage the only thing that you would have differing opinions on.

In the longer term would you be expected to practise the religion like her if you were to get married, she would obviously want to get married in a church and many will not do it unless you attend for a time period, would you be ok with this?

Is she against contraception or any type of family planning, if you do have kids would you be happy having them raised as practising christians.

Do you have any facets of your lifestyle/personality that she would find incompatible?

I would think about the longer term issues rather that just the sex.

edit: cant believe I wrote 'JUST" the sex
 
jp_bl_68 said:
I was expecting to get some stick for that.
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Nah, everyone is different, but men are more likely to have a genetic predisposition for a high sex-drive, and that dates back considerably further back than religion.

As for the OP's high sex drive vs whatever his lass's might be... aren't there some schools of religious thought that sex should only be done with the aim to procreate?

OP, what are her thoughts on contraception after you guys are married?
 
If you want to be with her just don't have sex for a while, they can still do sexual things can't they, but not sex? It's not that bad a sacrifice if you've found your perfect girl, you should feel lucky.

I personally place sex as a lower priority than a few other things, but I guess I'm not as manly as most here.

I think it will be worth it though if she's never had sex I'm sure it'll be great for the first few years, she'll be well into it.
 
vonhelmet said:
WTF since when is that the "Christian approach"

PS Yes, I know this is what multi-quote is for.
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well sex before marriage isn't allowed, therefore they must be married to have sex. You get married with a guy, you have sex, you get a divorce, meet another guy, you get married, you have sex, you get a divorce. Rinse repeat. The fact that they are not allowed sex out of marriage pretty much forces this routine on them and always has.

Sex out of marriage means just that. You don't need to get married.

Captain Planet won't be happy with you wasting your post counts ;)

WalesOwl said:
CONTRADICTION!

Hence you aren't in love you just want a score......
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I never wrote that, I think you miss-quoted someone else on that second quote.

Malakite said:
From your post I assume you are not religious, since your girlfriend obviously is is sex before marriage the only thing that you would have differing opinions on.
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Yeah I'm not a religious person, as previous post says, I was brought up with a Muslim father and a Christian mother and they made sure that my mind was free from religious opinion and wanted me to make my own mind rather than have it forced upon me while I was growing up.

But yeah sex before marriage is the only thing we have differing opinions on, I don't think it's a bad thing but I don't think it's a good thing either.

Malakite said:
In the longer term would you be expected to practise the religion like her if you were to get married, she would obviously want to get married in a church and many will not do it unless you attend for a time period, would you be OK with this?
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Yeah I don't mind practising her religion with her, I don't mind that and going to church on a Sunday gets me out of the house. I don't care where I get married, church, beach, graveyard (?) so yeah. I already go to church with her - There's some strange people there... when they sing some put their hands up in the air for extended periods of time, some do a little dance (?) but that's the only time I get weirded out. The rest is a very nice experience.

But yeah, I'm getting to know her religion so I'm getting to know her too, which is what I wanted. It's just annoying that I have to be forced into something that I shouldn't need to do just to be with someone I love.

Malakite said:
Is she against contraception or any type of family planning, if you do have kids would you be happy having them raised as practising Christians.
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No she's not against contraception. I mean I think I would have to end it right there if she was, I don't want a child every time I have sex. That would be ridiculous hehe. She said when she gets married she didn't mind taking the pill but I'm fine with condoms anyway so what ever. Guess you can never be too careful though.

I wouldn't mind raising them with Christian ideals, take them to church etc. But I don't want them to have beliefs forced upon them. I'm sure they will ask me if it's all real bla bla bla and I would rather them make their own decision than having a biased opinion. I don't know the answer to all that yet but yeah, I don't mind taking them to church as long as what they are taught they can choose to believe it or not.

but that's assuming it gets that far.

Malakite said:
Do you have any facets of your lifestyle/personality that she would find incompatible?
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None at all, we have a very similar personality and connect on a very deep level. I mean I like all her imperfections (I have a habit of putting gf's on a pedestal) so I still got my feet on the ground and she is the same. I think the biggest thing is that I live in Wimbledon and she lives in Kent but I will be moving closer anyway in january so that's no problem. Like I said, the only issue is the no sex before marriage which I'm looking for solutions

Malakite said:
I would think about the longer term issues rather that just the sex.

edit: cant believe I wrote 'JUST" the sex
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Sex is a long term issue. the issue doesn't go away once I'm married, I don't know if we are a match sexually. If we aren't then it's destined for failure.

**edit**

Jakek I'm not getting anything sexual. But I need to speak to her about it. I guess I'll just need know her opinions on:

1. if we aren't sexually compatible it will end in divorce
2. expensive wedding + divorce = loss
3. going into something blind is an unnecessary risk
4. should you marry, have sex, divorce you have done exactly the same as someone who had sex before marriage, but now you have a divorce number.

I guess there could be other opinions I should ask but can't really think of them...
 
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Depends on the person, i could never go out with a strict christian i don't think. It'd create too much arguments.
I've got a mate in your position, he's not to fussed, they can do things other than sex and he's quite christian as well to be fair.
 
Hmm..

A few things:

1) Stomach cramps and wotnot from lack of sex? Surely these can be physically remedied by knocking one out now and again?

2) If you're her first boyfriend, the whole hand/blow job thing is going to be new, scary and maybe a bit "dirty" to her. I remember it took me a while to get the idea that doing such a thing for someone you love is fine, and not nasty or whorish at all. So I dunno, you may find as things progress she'll want to reciprocate - it may just take a while (don't go asking for it though, that'll put her off).

3) Sex /is/ important in a long term relationship, but also it does get better with time and practice. You'll have to take it easy with her to begin with, anyway, in some girls the first time is fine but for others it can be pretty painful. With the increased intimacy and love of a relationship (and gently talking about what you particularly enjoyed in that nice sigh-y period after the event), it can become mind-blowing. It's a special gift you'll get after marriage, even if it takes a while to hit the sweet spot.

It's clearly up to you.

She sounds worth it but only you can decide really how important the technicality of getting your end away is. If it's the physicalness of the ejaculation you need, see pt. 1). Intimacy can be had without the penetration (as you know), and she may even start to experiment with reciprocation anyway.

Finally assuming you do stick it out, don't expect to stick it in with crazy frequency straight away - it can take a few months to get used to each other... And was it Spawn who had a bad experience with a virgin wife? Hopefully that's unusual... for the most part you should be able to make her interested in sex by being loving, flirty, tender, etc - do it right and she won't be able to resist...

Good luck!

Edited to add: I'm not sure how much I believe in 'compatibility' unless we're talking physical sizes of bits, here. I think if a couple are loving and intimate, that's all you need really. I suppose vastly different sex drives would be a problem though - and I daresay she can tell how her libido will be by how much she enjoys your touching her...
 
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Sounds like you covered most points, since you seem to be compatible in every other way what reason would you have to think you would not be compatible sexually? Unless you have some fairly strange fetish what reason would you have to now work together?

If she has stuck to these ideals all this time then you would be working with a blank canvas so to speak, you can lead her the way you want things to go.
 
Malakite said:
If she has stuck to these ideals all this time then you would be working with a blank canvas so to speak, you can lead her the way you want things to go.
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mmm manipulative :p

knew someone like this, got their partner involved in all sorts because she had no previous experience, so she thought it was the norm
 
Tefal said:
*cough*details*cough*
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oh the usuals, orgies, bondage etc, then when the girl told a few of us what'd been happening, and the majority of us told her that's not how EVERYONE does it, she dumped him and told us how she thought it was strange she wasn't enjoying sex that much >.<
 
Tefal said:
if she's strongly Christian that would be a no no.


Wasting the seed and all ;)
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well it would go to waste anyway come time of the month ;)

sara said:
Hmm..

A few things:

1) Stomach cramps and wotnot from lack of sex? Surely these can be physically remedied by knocking one out now and again?
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although it is normal for a guy to knock one out every now and then, it's very demoralising doing it when your girlfriend is in the house with you. It's not something guys want to do but have to for release. Especially when you are used to having sex.

sara said:
2) If you're her first boyfriend, the whole hand/blow job thing is going to be new, scary and maybe a bit "dirty" to her. I remember it took me a while to get the idea that doing such a thing for someone you love is fine, and not nasty or whorish at all. So I dunno, you may find as things progress she'll want to reciprocate - it may just take a while (don't go asking for it though, that'll put her off).
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yeah, I'm not up for asking for it in anyway, I'd rather her choose to do what ever. It's up to her to make any sort of move. I know it's a very daunting experience and the male organs are not exactly a work of art. So yeah it does make things awkward to talk about because I don't want her to think that she has to. Even asking/suggesting it can put the thought in her head that she "MUST" when I don't want that. I want her to make her own choice. Anyway I told her about the whole blue balls thing so at least she knows my situation. If I didn't have that I really wouldn't care. but I think having it all the time is gonna have some long term effects.


sara said:
Finally assuming you do stick it out, don't expect to stick it in with crazy frequency straight away - it can take a few months to get used to each other... And was it Spawn who had a bad experience with a virgin wife? Hopefully that's unusual... for the most part you should be able to make her interested in sex by being loving, flirty, tender, etc - do it right and she won't be able to resist...
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Im gonna have to remember that it will take her time to get into the amount of times it happens... not something I thought about.

sara said:
Edited to add: I'm not sure how much I believe in 'compatibility' unless we're talking physical sizes of bits, here. I think if a couple are loving and intimate, that's all you need really. I suppose vastly different sex drives would be a problem though - and I daresay she can tell how her libido will be by how much she enjoys your touching her...
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I guess time will tell.
 
!bluetonic! said:
Firstly, are you she's not hiding 'mr happy' in her undies and that's the main reason for no-go all the way..?

Secondly, order a 'fleshlight' off t'internet. When she's next sleeping on her back, prop it into position and away you go..

Lastly, other people know your scenario... "Parental advisory article"
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39100
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LOL! Talking about doing it wrong.
 
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