When should I be a Dad?

If you don't she'll leave you sooner or later. I know 3 people personally not including myself which this happened to. Still, 4 years ago I wasn't ready for a child, and I was 30 and had been with that lass 7 years. I've come round to the idea since my female best friend (who dumped her fella cos he didn't want to have kids) softened my heart a little.

Of course now I can't find anyone I would actually want to have kids with ;)

It's a big decision, and you shouldn't make it unless you're 100% - it wouldn't be fair to the kid or to yourself or your missus.
 
This is not a decision that can be quantified.

Get off the forums and have a long hard think, then talk to your other half about it.

Only you, the individual can know this or have an idea of this as it's very personal.
 
Having kids changes your life completely....and not in a good way....They bug you every second and if you dare try and do something you want before bed time they ruin it by nagging at you.

Yesterday my 4 yrd old cuddled me on the sofa and told me she loved me......

Totally worth it.

And adventure land is too much fun to go without.
 
You are 30 and getting older by the minute, you will find it progressively harder to get another girl the older you get, so just satisfy her needs tbh.
 
being a Dad is a great thing, theres never a 'right' time to have kids, and if you keep waiting for what you consider to be 'right' you will end up looking like their grandparent outside the school gates with the other parents and unable to run round the park with them due to painful joints, greatest part of being a Dad is having them smile at you, worst part is having them cry and you cant console them, being a bloke you will have a bit of spare time to yourself, its called work, lol
 
Mr. Anderson said:
You are 30 and getting older by the minute, you will find it progressively harder to get another girl the older you get, so just satisfy her needs tbh.
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rubbish, I've been knee deep all my life and getting deeper

women have a best before date, men are either attractive to women or they are not
 
finga said:
being a Dad is a great thing, theres never a 'right' time to have kids, and if you keep waiting for what you consider to be 'right' you will end up looking like their grandparent outside the school gates with the other parents and unable to run round the park with them due to painful joints, greatest part of being a Dad is having them smile at you, worst part is having them cry and you cant console them, being a bloke you will have a bit of spare time to yourself, its called work, lol
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As above.

Good luck
 
I would say you are ready if you could look your gal in the eyes and ask her to marry you.


I think marriage makes things a whole lot more easier and secure. If you have the love of a girl, and you love her back, then what are you waiting for?
 
I think the right time to be a dad is when you want to be one. It's tough being a parent especially when your world is turned upside down by the new family member. I can't imagine what that must be like when you didn't actually want it to happen.
It's amazing though, watching them as they grow, there's just so much reward that they give. As somebody said though, forget doing what you want when they're awake, your world literally does revolve around them. If you want to be a dad and are just worried about how good of a father you'll be, I think it's only natural, we all don't want to let our children down, you just got to do the best job you can.
I was the same about not being around babies, I remember the midwife told us she's give us some time alone with our son and left us to it. I picked him up and he started crying and I did not have aclue what to do, lol.
I keep a little photo record just to see him grow up.

Hope you make the right decision and welcome to the forums.

Edit: Just thinking, the wifey put our son to bed a while ago and they've both dozed off, got everything to myself this evening. :)
 
Dont just assume you both agree, she stops the pill you have a session and thats it either. We thought that and its not that easy, might take ages to get pregnant aswell you just never know. Trying for 1 year and nothing :(
 
schnipps said:
Dont just assume you both agree, she stops the pill you have a session and thats it either. We thought that and its not that easy, might take ages to get pregnant aswell you just never know. Trying for 1 year and nothing :(
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Aye, took us a good few months as well. We weren't having much success then my wife said that she seen some ol' thing on a womens forum about certain nights and missing a night and so on for trying. First month and it worked, dunno if it was coincidence or if the thing really worked. She's sleeping now and I can't mind what it was called.
 
LOL!

you have decided to come HERE for monumentallyimportantlifechanging advice??

You need to lay off the weed my friend!!!

khushy
 
The longer you leave it the harder (and more risky) it will become. 30 is actually quite old to become a first time dad if you look back at average age over the years, I'm certainly glad I was a little younger (27) when my son was born.

Risk of birth defects rises scarily once the mother is approaching/in her 30's.

I posted this a while back, it still holds true:

EasyG - I'll let you into a little secret, nobody ever thinks they are ready for parenthood (either emotionally or financially) and if we all waiting until we were we'd be too old to have kids.

Even though my wife and I were "trying" (ugh...hate that word - let's just call a spade a spade already!) it still knocked me into a mad panic when she came into the kitchen after taking the pregnancy test and said it was positive. You think all kinds of things, will I be a good father, how would they cope if something happens to me, do we have enough money etc. etc. I was still panicky when she nudged me awake at 5 a.m. 2 february's ago and told me her waters had broken. That panic all fell away when I held Aleksander for the first time. Heck, if you weren't even slightly worried about something so monumental there'd be something seriously wrong with you!

Truth be told, it doesn't have to cost an inordinate amount to bring up a child, they need love and attention more than they need the latest and greatest toy - heck, you buy them the toys and they have more fun playing with the boxes! With your salary you'll also qualify for a decent chunk of child tax credits, and you always get the £20 a week child benefit as it's not means tested - that should keep your baby clothed/fed easily.

There are also benefits to having a baby "early" (I say "early" as historically 21 and 25 isn't particularly early to have children) - there is an inordinately smaller risk of birth defects (it's worrying to see how much the risk of this increases just with the mother and father being a few years older) and you'll have more energy for those late nights and early mornings!

Yes, you will lose some freedom, but I'm sure grandparents will be more than happy to babysit some evening so that you two can go out and enjoy yourselves - in fact - it makes the quality time you spend together even more special. Also, worrying about not being able to stay together is a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you start having doubts like that they niggle away at you and you'll end up breaking up for definite (you'll start doubting yourself, your self esteem will get lower and you'll start picking fights for silly reasons).

Thinking back, one of the things I was most worried about (changing nappies) really isn't nearly as bad as you assume it's going to be!
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Kids are hard work, very hard, very hard indeed. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. You will be skint, you will not go out often. Say goodby to a lot of the gaming. Sex or lack of, I look back to our dating days and maybe its just rose tinted glases but I used to get sex a lot, in the car, on the couch, kitchen, in the bath and yes of course in the bed. Now its a bedroom activity only and I get sex about once a month if I am lucky. I love my kids they are the best thing that has ever happned to me. If I knew how hard they are and how much of my life they take, I would never of had kids.
 
wnb said:
Kids are hard work, very hard, very hard indeed. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. You will be skint, you will not go out often. Say goodby to a lot of the gaming. Sex or lack of, I look back to our dating days and maybe its just rose tinted glases but I used to get sex a lot, in the car, on the couch, kitchen, in the bath and yes of course in the bed. Now its a bedroom activity only and I get sex about once a month if I am lucky. I love my kids they are the best thing that has ever happned to me. If I knew how hard they are and how much of my life they take, I would never of had kids.
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I'm glad as hell you are not my father.


No offense, but wishing that you didn't have the wonders of the world for the sake of more sex and "a lot of gaming" is pretty damn pathetic.


Just my 0.02
 
Marriage is a bit of a scam frankly.

The happiest couple I could name are not married and are both past 60 now, the second happiest had a simple registry office marriage.
 
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