When should I be a Dad?

As someone else posted here the highs are high and the lows are low. You need to be pretty stable in the relationship and your own mind before such a commitment. You have no idea how distressing/infuriating/worrying when for example you little toddler just refuses to eat meals for a few days. But when the walk for the first time or say daddy for the first time well there isn't much better than that.

You will never be truly ready though ...

PS Some advice for when you have a child - EVERYTHING IS A PHASE (can not emphasise this enough) - if everything is going wrong don't worry it's just a phase they will stop that behaviour soon enough conversely when you think you have got them into some sort of routine - it's just a phase it won't last. If you approach with that attitude you won't get too wound up when things start to take a turn for the worse and it will give you some faith when all hope is lost and you have covered in porridge/vomit/god knows what whilst some little noise machine screams in your face - it's all a phase at 18 they go to uni ;)
 
MontyMike said:
I’m new to this forum but I need some advice. Been lurking for a bit and think you’ll give me some decent advice.

Basically my girlfriend wants a kid and I’m totally scared to be honest. I don’t mind admitting it. I just don’t know how to decide whether we should do it or not.

We’ve been together for 8 years, I’m 30 she’s 28. We have ok jobs, own a 2 bed flat & earn about 48k between us but we live in an expensive area. We will get married when we get around to it, she wants to more than me. I think I want a kid, definitely some day but she is gettin so obsessed about it it’s doing my head in. I think I’ll have to give in sooner or later. I guess I’m just terrified I won’t be any good. Never even really seen a baby. Can any guys out there tell me about being a Dad ( the truth pls, highs and lows). Is it really as bad as some people make out? Do you really not have time for anything else once you have a kid? I worry I won’t be able to play with my car or xbox! Maybe it’d be the best thing I ever did I just don’t know. Should I be a bit older, get a better house and car etc?

Would appreciate some advice guys.
Cheers.
Click to expand...

If you have ask when you're ready, then you're not ready.

Plus, it seems you are in a stage of your life that most people are when they are in their early 20's... worrying about not playing with a car and Xbox? Please spare a child any more **** than necessary... don't have one.
 
Dude,

I was in the same position as you about 11 months ago. Both working and enjoying life, being poor but getting along, playing on my PC and PS3. We are a bit younger and earn less but have been together the same amount of time.

In feb she/we decided to start trying for a kid (let me tell you this bit is a LOT of fun, try 2 times a day for 2 weeks!). Lucky enough we got pregnant 2 weeks later. I was worried about being a good dad and all that Jazz. Not changed a nappy for 15 years (my little sis) and never been responsible for a living thing. I was worried about my gaming as its what I do to relax.

On Nov 5th after a LOOOONNNGGG labour my son was born.

As soon as you see your baby you will be wetting your self. Wife had to go into surgery so I had him for 1.5 hrs alone. I had no idea what to do.

BUT and its a big BUT

YOU WILL COPE! If it was that hard the human race would have died out a long time ago.

Gaming -

Yes you have to make some sacrifices. I stopped my Warhammer account for a month and didnt switch on my PC for 4 weeks while he settled in. Now he is 9 weeks I either put him in a rocking chair or sit him on my lap when I play. He LOVES it! You may not play with it as much as you want but you have entire new thing to play with and when you see your baby smile for the first time your heart will break.

Money -

It is hard, they do need a lot but you can get stuff from the bay friends, markets etc. The only thing you will need new imho is a matress for the cot/crib and a child seat. Neither of which cost that much. Breast feeding and re-usable nappies also save a lot.

Being a father -

This is hard as it depends on you as a person but you will I have no doubt be great. As long as you look after, love and care for the baby you cant do wrong. I have been pee'd on because I didnt change the nappy right, puked on because I overfed him and poo'd on coz we stayed in the bath too long! Trust me its all part of being a dad and its all great!

You will never love anything as much as you will love your child. IMO DO IT!!! You will never regret it! I dont.
 
Our first was not planned. I was 21. Thought the world was gonna end when she got pregnant. Had only been with her 6 months. Sounds like a story from Eastenders I'm sure. How the **** do I be a Dad etc usual worries. No house, no money etc.

Yet today we have three kids and have been together 7 years. I wouldn't change a thing. Yes I'd like to be married and have my own house - not rent - but we have a good life and get most things we want/need. I put that down to me actually working my arse off and getting a semi decent job as I'm a single earner. There is never a good time to have a kid so if she has a B under her bonnet to have one...it ain't going away. And to those that say it takes time so start trying; I can only speak for my experience but every time we wanted to get pregnant it was so easy it's quite scary. She will also be all over you during your "trying" weeks/months and the love making will be rather nice sir.

If I were to give a proportional scale of highs Vs Lows in having kids. It would be about 80% highs, 20% lows. The only "bad" things are lack of time to yourself for your OWN stuff (that you would do without the kids) and lack of money. But you learn to work around this and do more stuff with your kids anyway.
 
Don't tell us you're scared, tell her you're scared. After 8 years together, I'd hope you can talk to each other about such serious issues.

It's not a question that can be answered by anyone but yourself unfortunately :)
 
To busy playing xbox to have kids? I'd say you're not ready.
Freefaller said:
I'm of a similar age to the OP but am no way in a position to even consider it. I'm still far too selfish and enjoy my own life more than being able to dedicate it to a small pink thing.
Click to expand...
It's the small pink thing that caused the problems :p
 
Last edited:
Men are rarely truly 'ready' to have kids.

The question you need to ask yourself is 'do you love this woman'? Because if the answer is 'yes' and she really,really wants children and you really,really want a good relationship then you'll have to man up and produce.

I wasn't ready to have my first 16 years ago.I wasn't ready to have my second 14 years ago.But I decided to give it a try.Everything went better than I could have dreamed,I love being a father and would never go back to being single,even if it were possible.

It's a scary commitment to be sure,but that's what being a grown up is all about.

I have 3 kids now,our third was planned by both of us.Life has changed for sure..and there is no getting around the fact that it can be *hard* work but providing you are in a stable,loving relationship having kids can only bring you closer together.

I say go for it and shag for England :D
 
One great thing I forgot to mention is that you can buy all sorts of wonderful things with your somewhat limited finances like lego etc - not for you of course it's for the little one and then it's daddy's duty to show them how to put it all together.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom