Why is it all sucky? (Probably the longest OcUK post ever)

MOT::

It seems you have had a tough time of it recently :(

I might suggest that you are trying to find/be happy through other people a bit too much. It is great when you find someone and you really click, but you need to keep your own identity as well.

Stay away from girls for the moment - they seem to be a major factor in your happines over the last few years. For someone that is 'just dating', I would opine that they are too big a factor.

Try and find some more stuff, like your car, that you enjoy doing on your own.

I can't really help with your family situation, and for sure, there are no quick fixes available.
 
You've been through a lot mate, and I feel for you.

Life is a strange old thing, but I expect that doesn't make you feel very much better at the moment.

You seem like a kind and genuine person, and this is something which seems all too rare now a days. You've made it to university, doing what may I ask? You have plenty going for you mate. Try not to look to others for your happiness, but find it in yourself. As others have said, bad things do happen to good people, and it sometimes seems like it'll never get better but IT DOES. Focus on the things that really make you happy. Focus on what you really want from life.

You can't choose your family, and I think your Dad's attitude is purely down to his own opinion of himself. In many ways you are being far more of an adult than he is. He will find it difficult to talk to you because he can't hide what he's done from you. You've done nothing wrong...remember that.

As for the girl issue, you're really quite lucky! It seems like you are able to get those most comlicated of creatures attention without too much trouble ;). From my experience, a lot of people at uni mess each other around. Suddenly there's a whole lot of choice any many don't know how do deal with that. Have fun but trust people too readily before you really know them...sorry if that's cynical but it's from experience.

You'll be right mate, and remember there's always someone awake on these boards! Without sounding patronising, there are also usually very good counciliing services available at uni, even if it's just someone anonomous to chat to...

Take it easy and take care

R.
 
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My eyes are all funny from the copious amount of white text on the blue background o_0

Anyway, the only bit of advice I would give is to sort things out with your family. My folks divorced a few years back and things are still difficult at times but theyre well on the way to being "normal".

It will be hard and it will probably cause some heartache but you have to start talking about what has happened if you want your replationship to move on / get any better.

Do it.

Its a bit of a cliche but you dont want to be in the position where you regret not ever having tried.
 
Wow Tom, that was a lot to read... but it was a good read.

I've been in your shoes a couple of times... been really really happy, had a girlfriend, a car that worked, brand new job with loads of opportunities... a few months ago I was really depressed though.

My car was broken, my girlfriend turned out to be the **** I thought she was, I'm bored of my job, I'm lonely and want someone to spend time with...

All I can say is hang in there! Things will get better if you work at them!

Your car will get fixed, you'll find a wonderful girl and you'll both settle down together in a place of your own. The relationship between you and your dad may or may not work out... it all depends on how much effort you both want to put into it. It sounds like he's not too bothered which I think is quite sad :(

But seriously though, you've opened up in your post and I think it takes a real man to be able to say all that. Hang in there, keep your chin up... maybe set yourself goals to work towards :)
 
Woah that was a long post!

Anyway as for my advice:

DAD: This wont be solved easily or quickly. Just dont let him walk all over you. It sounds like your fairly independant from him allready being at uni etc and having your mother there for any parentign that needs to be done. Try and become friends with him instead?

GIRLS: Both of those girls have been messing you around. END of story. Ignore them both pick yourself up (hard i know :() and find the next one! You dont need to try and be friends with those girls as they will keep leading you on. I promise! (been there got the t-shirt etc etc).
 
Right, I've just spent the last 30 mins of my precious time to read this post.
And I think it was time worth spent.

Firstly, I actually enjoyed reading it. It was well written and I could really empithise with your situation. I wrote something similar (I use this term loosly) on OcUK a while ago and I still need to finish it (its currently over 20,000 words), maybe I will soon. I must admit, it really did help to share your life with others, and many people (especially Treefrog) showed that complete strangers can care. You know what they say, a problem shared is a problem halved, and its true.

Raymond Lin said:
"It'll be ok at the end, if its' not ok, it's not the end."
Click to expand...

RL, that is so true, its unbelievable, literally.

Secondly, as for what you've been through already; this really does shape who you are and makes you stronger because of it. Life is never easy, but its not about the problems you face; its about how you overcome them. If you think about the negative points in your life there will be many more of them, but if you always look on the bright side of life, even the worst circumsatnces don't seem quite so bad.

Ok, lets actually go through your post:

1. Always be thankful of what you have, when you realise exactly how lucky you are, then the bad stuff is put in perspective. You've had a good life upto 16, be very thankful of that, some people don't even have a childhood.

2. I can really put myself into your position with your parents divorcing, but family is a very important thing, and you never know how important they are until you've lost them (I know this very well). All I can suggest is to make an effort with your Dad, tell him that dispite what he has done, he will always be your Dad. Don't let him become a complete stranger.

Your family is being split apart, don't let everyone go their seperate ways. Keep in contact as much as humanly possible.

3. As for your best friends brother; be chuffed that out of all the people on this earth, your best friend wanted your company and your help. Its time like this that really show that you are worth something. It must have been a very traumatising time for you and especially your mate. How has it affected him and has he managed to get on with life, finally? I know what its like to have friends that are so low they want to kill themselves and it still worries me to this day.

4. I know that my friends have been instrumental to keeping me sane and they are not an abundant resource, keep them close.

5. I have always wanted to drive since I was very little. I know exactly how you feel about your car. My Volvo isn't a car, its my baby. Its nice to absorb yourself in soemthing you care about isn't it? I've started to learn as much as I can about it, so I can repair it when necessary. Maybe you should do the same?

6. As for the women, I've not had the best track record so I'm hardly qualified to give advice. All I can say is: good luck and keep your chin up.

I've always believed that good luck is always around the corner, you just gotta hold on until it comes. Sometimes its not easy to wait though. Never look back, always look forward (but learn from your mistakes).

Life is not about the destination, its about the journey. Make it the best journey you can.

Good luck and mail me if you need to (in sig).

And can we keep the spam out of this thread please?

Burnsy

Edit: Damn, my post wasn't quite 5k words...:p
 
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I can't believe how much I wrote last night, took about an hour to get all that down.

Thanks for all of the words of support.

I didn't have the greatest day because one of my mates uncles just died and he is obviously very depressed and needed a shoulder.

On the other hand I look forward to finally being able to get my car on the road tomorrow. Heres hoping!
 
i actually read all of that. Don't worry mate. At least it looks like you don't have a problem attracting the ladies. You're obviously intelligent (your post is very well written etc) and you apparently have lots of friends.

Trust me, life could be worse. I know it hurts when someone you really care for mucks you around, and i'd imagine that your parents getting divorced must have been painful, but i genuinely feel that there are many others on this forum worse off then you.

This isn't meant to be a 'quit your whinging' type reply, as it's obviously healthy to get things off ones chest now and again, and i'd imagine you feel a bit better after posting that, do you?

Any way, good luck, and btw, where's some pics of girl #2? ;)
 
SherberT* said:
Biggest post evar.
Click to expand...

Wow, you're helpful. The guy searched his soul and must have spent several hours writing that post, and all you can reply is three pointless words.

I've read the whole post, and what I think you need to come to terms with if you can is that none of these issues have been your fault. You weren't responsible for your parents breaking up, or your mate's brother dying, or a couple of stupid girls messing you around, or your car breaking. Try and look at it from a positive perspective. You are (I'm assuming) a healthy young guy. You still have a family and friendship group, disjointed as they may be, and a roof over your head. You're at Uni so you're gonna come out with a degree which allows you to get a decent job. There, you might well meet a new girl who won't mess you around like these two have.

Life has been hard on you for the past few years, but things could be much worse. Chin up. :)
 
Wow, tough break mate. :(

Chin up though - some women are just too complicated to be figured out! :p

I can't really offer any advice though.
 
Fix that car M0T mate, I cant add to whats been said by others here, but I feel for you and I know how you feel for different reasons. Its true for me though, my car is my get away from it all, my sense of freedom and those little drives you do make things seem better don't they?

I read all of your post, it took some reading but thank you for sharing it and I hope that things pick up for you soon. Women problems by the way, jesus don't go there ;)
 
hey sorry about whats happened ive had the same problems with girls and am having the same sort of thing with my X at the moment . :( but Things will get better you will meet another girl :)


on another note : i think it was written very well and would be good to have that made into a film just add the happy ending your going to have and its 10/10 :)
 
in my opinion people take life waaaay too seriously, and if you do this you will always get hung up on the bad points.

Look for something you enjoy (would be your car) and concentrate on this for a while, family are very important so you should definitely put in the effort to work on the problems at home even if at the start your dad doesn't return the effort in the end there is no problem that cannot be fixed.

as for the ladies, u seem to be good at getting them interested in u.. stop willy waving ;)

in the end of the day you are still young, there is plenty more fish in the sea (ouch didn't want to have to say that one but its the truth) and as long as you realise this nothing a girl can do to you can be that bad
 
I never thought I was that good at attracting the ladies, however I do seem to get monsters from the pit of hell after me.

Well its almost the end of term so I won't have to see her until september, by which time I probably won't care any more or failing that perhaps she will have grown up.

One of my work friends made me feel better, apparently at the time that Girl 1 and I were sort of together everyone where we worked spent the best part of their time discussing how she wasn't good enough for me. Apparently they thought she would do something like what she did, but obviously they knew it wasn't really their place to get involved, and I suppose if they had I probably would have resented them.
 
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