Wife a workaholic/addition problem?
- Thread starter BUDFORCE
- Start date
Bluntly, her work are taking the ****. The problem is, she is allowing them to do so. Surely seeing people move on and up, earning more than her etc is a huge red flag and shows how little they value her?
I am guilty of booting up the laptop and getting some work done, but that is only if it aids me in getting a head start the following week. I also may take a call and help with an urgent issue. But this has become the norm for her, that is unacceptable.
The company are allowing this to happen and getting free labour, this is probably why she is not moving on - she is doing the work of several people 24/7. Why would they move her on if she is content to continue to keep doing this? She is a victim of her own success.
She needs to take a breath, step back and review the situation. Then book a meeting to discuss her concerns and express this cannot continue - she either stops offering the level of support she is giving or she is suitably financially reconciled.
But NOTHING will change unless she speaks up.
I am guilty of booting up the laptop and getting some work done, but that is only if it aids me in getting a head start the following week. I also may take a call and help with an urgent issue. But this has become the norm for her, that is unacceptable.
The company are allowing this to happen and getting free labour, this is probably why she is not moving on - she is doing the work of several people 24/7. Why would they move her on if she is content to continue to keep doing this? She is a victim of her own success.
She needs to take a breath, step back and review the situation. Then book a meeting to discuss her concerns and express this cannot continue - she either stops offering the level of support she is giving or she is suitably financially reconciled.
But NOTHING will change unless she speaks up.
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I would suggest getting her to see a career coach/therapist my wife had one for a few months to help her with some work based issues she was having (difficult subordinate and general work based anxiety)
Said pretty much the same same things I did, but coming from a third party somehow makes it better advice. She's now got it under control and doesn't work or stress half as much as she did
Said pretty much the same same things I did, but coming from a third party somehow makes it better advice. She's now got it under control and doesn't work or stress half as much as she did
OP she just needs to look at the time for the month / monthly salary.. it's probably below a graduate. She could put her CV out and see what comes back in terms of salary - I suspect she would be (as a total package) over £100K if she's senior etc.
When you get senior, it becomes less of a 'job' mindset and more of a 'my company/department' mindset. With that comes the expectation and conditioning to do whatever is required to be successful.
I know a guy in our company that has been here for 40 years, in various roles. Now he gets asked what he wants todo when roles are available. Length of service in this company is rewarded by first pick of roles, priority vacation cover etc. For the organisation that's seen as "derisking" but actually it slows down business innovation in the long term due to lack of understanding outside of the business.
Just looking at my hours this last week, mostly from 0300/0400 to 1800/1900, day before yesterday it was 0300-2200. So a 80-90 hour week. Before this role I was a C-level, now I'm happily not but it seems habits are hard to break so I'm going to have to ween myself off the hours and the expectation of the org. In the end it will be healthier all around (just need the funding for a delivery lead which requires 5 directors approval in 5 separate contributing companies... now you can see the mentality that drives it..).
When you get senior, it becomes less of a 'job' mindset and more of a 'my company/department' mindset. With that comes the expectation and conditioning to do whatever is required to be successful.
I know a guy in our company that has been here for 40 years, in various roles. Now he gets asked what he wants todo when roles are available. Length of service in this company is rewarded by first pick of roles, priority vacation cover etc. For the organisation that's seen as "derisking" but actually it slows down business innovation in the long term due to lack of understanding outside of the business.
Just looking at my hours this last week, mostly from 0300/0400 to 1800/1900, day before yesterday it was 0300-2200. So a 80-90 hour week. Before this role I was a C-level, now I'm happily not but it seems habits are hard to break so I'm going to have to ween myself off the hours and the expectation of the org. In the end it will be healthier all around (just need the funding for a delivery lead which requires 5 directors approval in 5 separate contributing companies... now you can see the mentality that drives it..).
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A good sit down, frank and open conversation.
I would say she is doing it out of habit and because she likes the simplicity of focusing on one thing, rather than facing up to reality of life. Some people bury themselves in work deliberately like this. It is like an addiction yes. Sometimes it can be fear of not feeling important or part of everything about the company, like you will miss some banter or information like everything is important and must be known.
For me, I like taking time off where I come back and can barely type and have forgotten all my passwords. I want NOTHING to do with work when I'm not working. I would encourage everyone to be like that.
For me, I like taking time off where I come back and can barely type and have forgotten all my passwords. I want NOTHING to do with work when I'm not working. I would encourage everyone to be like that.
I feel for you OP, I think personally this all needs to be out in the open but further to the above I'd say some kind of mediation may be required / councillor etc. in order to identify the issues it's causing at home and move forward