Worst chat up lines you have ever heard

[Vonhelmet]

How about if i told you you could put your bead in my slot?



wait......

Miss Smilla's Feeling For Snow by Peter Hoeg is an excellent book, with an extremely surprising line at the end of one of the chapters, much along these lines.

 

[Sonea Fifer]

*Absolutely guaranteed to work every time:

*This may not be true

 

[ubersonic]

When we were in college back around 2002-2003-ish a mate of mine saw the girl he fancied sitting at a table across the student lounge so we encouraged him to go over and talk to her, he walked over and sat next to her then asked "what do you think about the military situation in Afghanistan?"

It didn't work.

 

[cainer]

i dont use them, i let the birds use then on me.... and they all work! there is no bad chat up line with me as im easy and shallow
if only

 

[Mr-White]

There's an epic thread some where from a few years ago with some awesome chat up lines such as

Get in my car i've got a knife
Does this smell like chloroform to you ?
You don't sweat much for a fat chick

MW

 

[twist3d0n3]

i love every bone in your body, especially mine

BLAP

 

[cainer]

these guys have it sorted, they dont need chat up lines lol http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spKqw5uvwIc

 

[Shayper]

My mate, to a business girl:

"Put this in your diary - 9.00, your place, shag. Can't miss your appointments"

I doubled over laughing

 

[Jonny69]

Hallo luv, fancy a curry and a shag? No? What about pizza then?

 

[cheets64]

"you dont sweat much for a fat bird"

 

[arc@css]

So, what do you think of the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?

 

[Cyclone]

"Here's 20p. Ring your mum and tell her you wont be home tonight - you've pulled."

"Nice legs, what time do they open"

 

[FNGsam]

There's an epic thread some where from a few years ago with some awesome chat up lines such as

Get in my car i've got a knife
Does this smell like chloroform to you ?
You don't sweat much for a fat chick

MW

hahah loving the 1st and 3rd one there.
Get in my car I've got a knife, would that one ever fail?

 

[steve-h]

 

[jamesblade]

^^ Brillient, only an Englishman could say it like that.

 

[dodgem]

"If i asked you for sex would the answer to that question be same as the answer to this question?"

Just read this one to my girlfriend, and then spent 10 minutes explaining the question to her. Took 9 minutes before she stopped saying, "Well i don't know what this question is!" One she finally got it i told her it's too late, i'd have moved on to someone more intelligent... guess who's not getting any tonight

 

[Delboy]

Can't believe we've not had any of these....

"If I said you had a fantastic body, would you hold it agains't me"
"Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes."
"Is there an airport nearby; or is that just my heart taking off?"
"I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"
"You know, I ain't this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet."
"We're playing pull a pig; would you fancy being my catch for the night?"

 

[The Funktopus]

"Nice legs, what time do they open?"

Edit: Beaten like a ginger step-child.

 

[Iamzod]

I've only ever used them whilst absoluteley wasted just because i found it funny to say something stupid, and not for a long, long time.

One that immediateley springs to mind was where I walked into a very busy chip shop at 3am, announced to everyone that i'd won the lottery and wanted to buy everyone onion rings, then just asked a random girl for her number, naturally it didn't work.

One that did work was "I've got something you can munch on" to a girl in a takeaway queue on new years eve one year, I only said it as a joke too

I guess they are not really "chat up lines though"

 

[Raymond Lin]

Awwwww, saw this thread too late lol

Went in Sainsbury's tonight after work to get some dinner. Soup, salad and some meat from the cooked chicken counter and some juice. In and out in 5 min job.

Went in, saw a pretty brunette in the first aisle (chicken & Salad).

Next item, see her again. (soup)

Next item, see her again. (drinks)

Make my way to self check out, she arrives at the same time and gave me a smile, I smiled back. All the tills were full so we waited for about a minute...I wanted to say something but my mind was blank.

Paid, walking out and managed to finish at the same time even though she had only chocolate and cream in her basket. Almost bumped into her and she apologised, I apologised. Yet my mind was blank!