Worst insults you've ever heard?

Funniest one ive had was when I was at work. I was stood outside grabbigna bit fresh air and some scrawny little 16 year old chav comes up to me.

him: "By your a fat ****er aint you"
me: couldnt be bothered to respond so just carried on my business, abusive loudmouths are normal in wallsend
Some lass walking in teh other direction: "Yeah, hes probably twice your weight, so when he knocks you out youll be in hospital"
him: walks away silently
me: stood thinking wtf just happened here
 
Stellios said:
Funniest one ive had was when I was at work. I was stood outside grabbigna bit fresh air and some scrawny little 16 year old chav comes up to me.

him: "By your a fat ****er aint you"
me: couldnt be bothered to respond so just carried on my business, abusive loudmouths are normal in wallsend
Some lass walking in teh other direction: "Yeah, hes probably twice your weight, so when he knocks you out youll be in hospital"
him: walks away silently
me: stood thinking wtf just happened here
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Should've said thanks and asked if she fancied a pasty :p
 
danza said:
He so did not say that, did he? :eek:

Cracking insult TBH. :D
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It's hard to tell, because so many things have been attributed to him. Some of them he denied saying (e.g. the infamous insult of Clement Atlee), some of which are uncertain. There are many variations of the drunk/ugly insult, which implies that it's uncertain who made it up.

One of his which was stated to be true by someone who was there at the time was this exchange with Lady Astor:

If you were my husband, I would put poison in your coffee!

If you were my wife, I would drink it.

He wasn't a nice man. Brilliant war leader, but not a nice man.
 
Sharlaw said:
If my dog had a face like your's, I'd shave it's ass and teach it to walk backwards.
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Gleaming The Cube, apparently. I've never heard of that film.

The worst insult I've seen was from Casablanca. Partly the insult, partly the delivery.

"You despise me, don't you?"

"If I gave you any thought, I probably would."

The delivery is perfect - utterly dismissive in a casual manner without even glancing at the other person, conveying the message that even that brief instant of a fraction of his attention is more than the other person deserves.
 
So's your face!

I'll [any word from the other persons sentence] you in a minute. (I've been saying this a lot lately but not as an insult... just when ever someone says something to me :p)
 
"But not YOU! I'd rather ... he'd rather ... no, I'd rather **** my own ... dad ?.. than YOU!"

Edinburgh Uni, 1994. Mental bird at the bar thought I was trying to crack on to either her or her boyfriend (wtf?). Yeah, just what?
 
Some cricket sledging for you here.

An australian wicket keeper asked Beefey why he was so fat, he responded:
" Everytime I **** your wife she gives me a biscuit." :D
 
That's what she said thing isn't an insult. Its a joke used to point out the subtle way the sentence could be randomly sexual. :)
 
Stellios said:
Funniest one ive had was when I was at work. I was stood outside grabbigna bit fresh air and some scrawny little 16 year old chav comes up to me.

him: "By your a fat ****er aint you"
me: couldnt be bothered to respond so just carried on my business, abusive loudmouths are normal in wallsend
Some lass walking in teh other direction: "Yeah, hes probably twice your weight, so when he knocks you out youll be in hospital"
him: walks away silently
me: stood thinking wtf just happened here
Click to expand...

That's really funny, I think she fancied you.
 
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