WTF quotes from other forums

lolism said:
Can't find it in work, but if anyone is on Entensity "The Rub" was a pretty good one - probably not OCUK friendly but someone might be able to find it through google and get a giggle.
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The forum is members only, can't find the thread anywhere else... what's the forum for/about anyway?
 
Makunouchi said:
The forum is members only, can't find the thread anywhere else... what's the forum for/about anyway?
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Bit of a random forum but with regular sections like OCUK (cars, art etc)

Just found it in the archived section:

KMC said:
What's your favorite method for jerking off? For me, it's something I like to call "the rub".

Though not as popular as other methods, when done correctly "the rub" can really be quite satisfying. "The rub" is where, instead of pumping away like the typical jerk off technique you see all the time, you rub the head of your penis back and forth across your lower abdomen.

One of the key differences between pumping and "the rub" is that your ****, hand, and stomach all need to be bone dry. You may need to keep a kleenex or two handy to dry up sweat and *gentleman juice*.

I recommend that any guy who has never tried "the rub" before give it a go and report back on how you liked it.
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raised many of "WTF" replies :D
 
Some guy debating the best contraception methods :

I've been considering asking my girlfriend to stop taking birth control altogether, as the hormonal contraceptives seem to seriously destabilize her mood. We would probably resort to a cocktail of the rhythm method (preventative) and terminations(reactive), but before suggesting this I'd like some hard facts on the physiological effects of terminations.

Will a 4-6 week pregnancy preceding termination have any long-term psychological effects?
Will multiple abortions have any effect on her ability to bear children in the future?

Ideally I could get a non-hormonal risug injection and skip this whole conundrum, but this isn't a perfect world so we have to make do with what's available to us.
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:eek:


On how to dump your girlfriend :

I've got a plan, but it takes 3 days to come to fruition.

On the first day, get a can of beans. Label them, "Jumping beans." When she comes over eat them, and then jump around the room like a maniac, laughing and shouting.

On the second day, get another can of beans. Label them, "Dancing beans." When she comes over eat them, and then dance around the room. Maybe do a little salsa or the electric slide.

On the final day, get another can of beans. Label them, "You no longer satisfy me as a woman and a person beans" When she comes over eat them, staring wordlessly at her with a dead, blank expression on your face.
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:cool:


On why rape is ok!

1. As punisment for a false accusation of rape in which the punishment has already been meted out.

Suppose Heather has a crush on Dick, a man with suitably Freudian moniker. Heather hits on Dick, but Dick takes no notice of her. In reality, Dick wants nothing to do with Heather. Heather, after realizing this, plots revenge. She goes to a bar and lies to the tough guys there "I was raped! Dick did it!"

The mob, riled up, surrounds Dick and beats him to death, despite Dick's pleas. They leave, while Heather examines the corpse. Unbeknownst to her, a big black man was watching the entire ordeal, from the accusation to the beating.

"I saw what you did," says the black man, "and now you're gonna get what's coming to you". It would be that man's moral right to rape the living **** out of that worthless ****.

Alternatively, suppose after the beating, Dick gets back up, but the hemmoraging in his brain leaves him only five minutes to live. Dick too would have the right to rape her within the remaining timeframe of his life. Since he was punished for a crime he didn't do, he might as well commit it.


2. As retribution for a previously committed rape.

Suppose there's this really dorky kid. Every day a hot bombshell of a babe torments him in school. Rubbing up against him, grabbig his ***** and ****, saying she wants him. This drives him to the point of lustful insanity, and he wants no more of it.

The kid, eager to get revenge, enlists the help of a friend. The friend will be on the lookout, while he makes his move.

The girl comes in and starts harassing him.

"Come on baby, I want that hot **** up my *****." she says.

"You're wish is my comand, ma'am" replies the kid, as he physically throws himself upon his assailant, assailing her in return. He presses up against her, copping a feel, rubbing. When he has satisfied himself, he stops, much to the horror of the girl.

This too is an act of justifiable rape. It is akin to a kidnapped victim strangling his kidnapper with the very ropes used to tie him up. This also happened in real life. I was the friend who did the lookout.


3. As punishment for a revealing form of dress.

Suppose there's this girl, let's call her Sarah. Sarah lives a rotten lifestyle. She swears at her parents, drinks, does drugs, goes to parties, and gets messed up. Worst of all, she dresses like a total ****, but only lets popular guys **** her.

One day at a party full of drugged up scumbags, she passes out on the sofa. A scumbag teenager takes advantage of her. While the act of raping her would be wrong, considering the lifestyle she leads, it would also serve as a wake up call to her as well as her getting her just deserts. Therefore, in a sense, raping her would be justified.


4. As a last recourse to save the human race from extinction.

There is a nuclear war. The survivors are divided into two groups. 10,000 men, and 10,000 nuns (alternatively, 10,000 militant man-hating lesbians). The only way to save the human race is through the act of vaginal intercourse. But there's a catch. the nuns/lesbians do not want to have sex. And they are adamant.

Therefore, to save the human race, the only viable option would be for the 10,000 men to rape the 10,000 women, preferably tying them down so that multiple children could be administered.

Though a woman's sexual and reproductive rights are sacred, they pale in comparison to the survival to the human race.
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There aren't enough :eek: 's to describe that ...
 
doofer said:
There's an old one somewhere of a Mother 'Helping' her Son with vigorous daily massage to 'Help' him with a bent penis... No idea which Forum it was but it was quite the 'Internet Sensation' at the time and a definite WTF candidate!! :p
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Could it have been from Mumsnet / Netmums? I've not been there personally, but there was a post on GD about it being a really weird forum.
 
Somnambulist said:
I was also privy to one of the first uses of The Terminator:
I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.
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HAHAHA! I can't get that image out of my head now. :D
 
[FnG]magnolia;18535534 said:
EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP AND OPEN PALM SLAM A VHS INTO THE SLOT. ITS CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK AND RIGHT THEN AND THERE I START DOING THE MOVES ALONGSIDE WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER, RIDDICK. I DO EVERY MOVE AND I DO EVERY MOVE HARD. MAKIN WHOOSHING SOUNDS WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME NECRO ******** OR EVEN WHEN I MESS UP TECHNIQUE. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY ESCAPED THE GALAXYS MOST DANGEROUS PRISON. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY COLLEGE CLASS AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE IN COLLEGE CLASS CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JEKRS. AND IVE LEARNED ALL THE LINES AND IVE LEARNED HOW TO MAKE MYSELF AND MY APARTMENT LESS LONELY BY SHOUTING EM ALL. 2 HOURS INCLUDING WIND DOWN EVERY MORNIng
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this brings human thought to its knees
 
Do I have potential?

Potentialassmuncher.jpg
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So simple yet so epic

Google Do I have potential
 
HAHAHA the bulldog thread was hilarious, i havnt got round to reading the bodybuilder one yet but had a peek at the pics which made me lol.
 
No prizes in guessing where this quote is from... :p

PixelMagic 119 points 7 hours ago* [-]
'I have an affinity for females with ample posteriors. This claim I cannot refute.'
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Aqualung90 66 points 7 hours ago[-]
'At the time in which a female enters the premises sporting an adequately diminutive lower abdomen, whilst flaunting an almost spherical hind-quarters, one tends to develop an erection.'
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FuturePiePants 41 points 5 hours ago[-]
'You become excited, want to display your masculinity to others because you noticed this particular female has a substantially swollen posterior. Her clothing compliments her feminine form, she has caught your attention and it will not be focused elsewhere. Not to use colloquial terms of endearment, but you have me enraptured and I desire photographic evidence. My many friends and acquaintances have attempted to dissuade my amorous attempts, but your enlarged gluteus maxiumus has caused me to yearn for copulation.'
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insulanus 22 points 5 hours ago[-]
Your protruding posterior of peerless skin, untroubled by wrinkle or blemish, makes me want to exclaim! Indeed, to enquire, if you would -- ah, but it would be too forward -- to enquire if you would accompany me in my automobile. I am not inconvenienced by your imposition, for among my admirers you are unparalleled.
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hunkydory 16 points 3 hours ago[-]
I have observed the aforementioned females partaking in expressive body movements to the rhythm of auditory art, such so that I shall disregard the routine practice of courtship through means of flattery to curry favor. This lady is excreting perspiration through her exocrine glands as a means of body temperature regulation such so that this act could be compared favorably to a gas compressed engine of an American made sports car.
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