Y.A.R.T. (Yet Another Relationship Thread)..

  • Thread starter Thread starter SMN
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There is no excuse for the washing up thing lol, surely its a big reflection on her obviously confused mind, just get out mate, you might be able to pull it round for a bit longer but your just delaying the inevitable.

Dont spend all your time trying to figure it / her out
 
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"University comes first, our relationship/you are the least of my priorities at the minute"
"If i get a job anywhere in the UK after uni, I have to take it, regardless if your coming or not".

Sounds like she's thinking more about herself than about you. Granted Uni is important, but your relationship should come first.
 
shootersam said:
"University comes first, our relationship/you are the least of my priorities at the minute"
"If i get a job anywhere in the UK after uni, I have to take it, regardless if your coming or not".

Sounds like she's thinking more about herself than about you. Granted Uni is important, but your relationship should come first.
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What rubbish. How is a relationship going to further her (or even get her a) career?

I've explained to my girlfriend that we probably won't be able to see as much as we'd like of each other next semester due to how busy I'll be with university. She accepts this and we'll work around it. She understands the importance of it and is happy to take a back seat for a little bit. Talking through your issues with your partner seems to be a very underused tool by people on this forum.
 
Sounds like you've already made up your mind and you've come here to justify your decision.
It's clear what you have to do and from what she has said, she has left you with no choice. Time to call it a day.
 
shootersam said:
Sounds like she's thinking more about herself than about you. Granted Uni is important, but your relationship should come first.
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No it shouldn't. I cringe at stories of people fudging up uni because of a relationship. I almost did it and I don't recommend it.

Uni comes first.
 
Relationship is going nowhere. From what you've said you could both 'make the effort' and it's unlikely that much will change. You just seem like two people at different points in their lives, wanting different things, at least in the short term.

Talk to her, but to me it sounds like her mind is made up, even if she isn't prepared to admit it to you yet.
 
I don't think the point of the statement is does uni come first or not, I think that's a given, as Ahleckz added when he edited his post if both parties want it to work then you would discuss it and make compromises, the way she sounds like she is talking is with a complete disregard for the relationship.

Compare

"University comes first, our relationship/you are the least of my priorities at the minute"

to

"University comes first, but our relationship / you are also important, and I appreciate you doing the things you do to make sure I can focus as much as possible, however I am still not getting enough done"

But a contrast is not really the point either as its most likely just excuses and she is lining her nest elsewhere
 
Ahleckz said:
What rubbish. How is a relationship going to further her (or even get her a) career?
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Is a career more important than long-term happiness?

/devils advocate

Ahleckz said:
I've explained to my girlfriend that we probably won't be able to see as much as we'd like of each other next semester due to how busy I'll be with university. She accepts this and we'll work around it. She understands the importance of it and is happy to take a back seat for a little bit. Talking through your issues with your partner seems to be a very underused tool by people on this forum.
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Agree with this though, being unable to communicate properly with each other is pretty much the first nail in the relationship's coffin.

It's hard to advise people on what their own individual priorities should be. Some people will set out on a long-term relationship at a young age and things work out well. Others will do the same and end in heartbreak, while others will just enjoy being young, with no interest in being tied down.

The main thing is, that whatever you decide, be aware that things may not work out and so always try not to sacrifice other things in the pursuit of one particular path.
 
She sounds like she's looking for a way out. Do yourself a favor and and boot her out before the situation gets worse. Trust me, it will.
 
SMN said:
G'day GD'ers,

Apologies for the rambling about to follow but I'm looking for opinions and GD (bizarrely) gets it spot on most of the time :) So here goes.

10 months ago i met my girlfriend, and we hit it straight off on the first date. After a month she was spending pretty much every night round my flat, and we were inseparable and it was amazing.

I had a knee operation 3-4 months in so couldnt do "anything" (follow the drift..) for about a month after, so the sex life took a nose dive then and it never really recovered. In May our landlord said he wanted the flat back and we had to find somewhere else, so i found a flat and said to my girlfriend she can move in if she liked - which she did. Now I earn quite a high wage (especially for a 24/25 year old), so I pay for the full rent, council tax, bills etc as she is a mature student at university. I dont mind this at all, it doesnt bother me as i explained to her on numerous times I'll be paying it regardless if she was there or not so shes not mooching off me.

For 2-3 months over the summer I had my brother move in with me during university as my parents are in Australia and i have to look after him as hes my blood, so he had his own room etc and granted its not the best, but needs must.

He moved out in September, and since then things have taken a bit of a nose dive. My missus has started her 2nd year at university, and she has been super stressed with assignments. I have tried my best to help her, to read through things, do all the cooking/washing up etc so she can get them out the way in the hopes she'll be "happier" and back to what she was before.

Its gotten to the beginning of December now, and things are still no good. We've had a few "flash points" here and there, basically because I am quite unhappy with the way things are. Im quite full on in a relationship; I had a long distance one seeing my ex 2 weekends a month and i hated it, so i like the situation at the minute - but it just feels like we are 2 individuals operating in the same flat. If i didnt make the effort to go kiss her, or give her a hug, we'd literally have no contact at all and it just shouldnt be like this.

So yesterday (the crux of the matter), she asked me to move her Windows 7 machine onto a bigger disk, so i went to do it when she was out and noticed that Facebook was logged on and there was a message box up with one of her male friends (not threatened by him, hes miles away, long term bird etc), but she was talking about how we never have sex any more, and how she has been texting this friend of hers and hes gorgeous etc. So naturally i flipped out, and confronted her and said my piece.

I basically said i've been trying to be super helpful, and help you through it so in January we can be "how we were", but all this extra stuff is just too much for me. She went on saying that she hated living here, as she feels like shes not contributing - and complained about me basically looking after her, buying everything etc saying "Im not a pet, i dont want to be a kept woman, i want to contribute equally - but i cant do the washing up etc as im too busy with uni so i feel like im not doing anything and your doing it all". Now first, i find it nuts that a girl could be complaining about being taken care of "too much". Its like woah, there goes my chivalrous ideas.

So she wants to move back home, and go back to seeing me 3-4 times a week when shes done her uni stuff so she can focus on me and so shes not around me all the time "being suffocated".

To me, this is a phased pull-out / break up, and i just dont see where the logic comes from. She says she loves me, but then all this happens I dont know what to make of it. When we got together, we were thick as thieves, now it appears we have grown apart. My family live in Australia and she said she'd love to go over for a few years, but now that idea is "definitely off the table". She also said to me:

"University comes first, our relationship/you are the least of my priorities at the minute"
"If i get a job anywhere in the UK after uni, I have to take it, regardless if your coming or not".

Now im just sat here thinking, why am I bothering? Im tempted to sell what furniture i have, cancel my tenancy (its up now anyway), hand in my notice and just go to the other side of the world - live with the parents and start a fresh life in Australia far away from this mess.

I guess my question is, what would you do if you were me? I thought i was being a good boyfriend/partner in providing for her, protecting her and doing my best to make her life amazing, but apparently that is "smothering" and OTT. So i should say "Stuff it, you can buy your own flaming drinks" to a woman next time?

And am I right in thinking her moving out, is just a womans way of finishing with me slowly and "for my feelings"? Or is it a legitimate tactic for trying to make it work?

Thanks, and no tl;dr's please :)

Sam
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Google "emotional affair"

Get rid, move on. Easier said than done.
 
So every student I know has plenty of time for part time jobs/drinking/studying, but she has no time for washing up? Slap that bitch silly and kick her out on her arse!
 
I think although people are far to brutal in their replies they're half right.
I have been in the exact same situation as you OP, the lady in question annoyed me for the last year and a half of our relationship, in which I tried to leave several times to break it off, but due to being weak and not good at seeing girls cry, always took her back.

It lead to me not really following my path but being towed along being hers. I should have done what I wanted and been happy with someone else way before she got bored and decided to end it.

Funnily the reason was, she had been cheating on me. I now heavily regret not getting out when I did when I had the original gut feeling. (I knew and I think you know)
Women are never true and direct to the point, they say they're in touches with their feelings but the are mostly screwed in the head.
One thing I will say, is it feels a whole lot better when your in control and you say it's over rather than when she decides to kick you to the curb. Do it now before she does and it crushes you...
 
Dump girl.

Don't quit your job but move place with short-term lease. Save up a ton of money. Go travelling and smash round-the-world-pasty.

Go to Australia

/thread
 
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