This is important. You crossed the line unfortunately. Be a little more careful the next time, think more about you, less about the girl and cut the obsessive thoughts.
Y.A.R.T. (Yet Another Relationship Thread)..
- Thread starter SMN
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She sounds immature, ungrateful, and a bit of a nightmare.
You sound like you were smothering her. It's not your job to do all those things for her, although taking care of everything like that is obviously nice once in while. A relationship has to be two-way, it's a quirk of human psychology that if she's putting no effort in she will value the relationship less. She needs to be working for it too.
Also, surely when you had a bad knee it could have been steak and *ahem* day every day, and visa versa?
Very similar situation to a friend of mine. He did everything for her, she ended up being stressed and depressed with various things and just ended up blaming him because she could. Instead, she should have observed that she was a total ****. She was a bit weird and depressive before meeting my mate, and just regressed into being that way after a while of being with him. I'm not saying that's exactly what went on for you OP, just got a little distracted with my rant
You sound like you were smothering her. It's not your job to do all those things for her, although taking care of everything like that is obviously nice once in while. A relationship has to be two-way, it's a quirk of human psychology that if she's putting no effort in she will value the relationship less. She needs to be working for it too.
Also, surely when you had a bad knee it could have been steak and *ahem* day every day, and visa versa?
Very similar situation to a friend of mine. He did everything for her, she ended up being stressed and depressed with various things and just ended up blaming him because she could. Instead, she should have observed that she was a total ****. She was a bit weird and depressive before meeting my mate, and just regressed into being that way after a while of being with him. I'm not saying that's exactly what went on for you OP, just got a little distracted with my rant
Hi all,
Sorry for the late reply - just back in the country after my vacation - and want to thank everyone for their advice.
So to follow up, I ended up breaking up with her when I got back from Australia. I took a risk (against the advice of the OcUK council of elders I must confess), and didnt do it before, i just wanted to take time to think about life and what i want and what I want to achieve and things, and i came home to the UK determined and focused on what I want in life. I had minimal contact with her over the break to give me time to think, and i came back with the mindset of "either she gives me what i want and we change for the better, or i'll finish it", and i wanted this done on the first day (like a plaster, get it over with).
We had a long chat today and basically she confirmed she is moving home. I said well thats fine, but what about X/Y/Z (see OP). She admitted she treated me like dogpoo, and that she feels really bad but she is swamped with university (she failed her 2 exams over xmas so she has to resit this month or she fails the year), and that she couldnt give me all the time i want.
I said to her that she needs to focus on her university, and that whatever happens will happen, but to not bank on us getting straight back together after exams etc which she understands.
I still class her as a close friend (as it stands), and it wasnt a messy break up, and i felt Mr Heart fighting Mr Brain with the "why not give it a go", which was hard to ignore and stay focused. You never know, we may get back together along the line but as far as I'm concerned I'm moving on with life. I hold no ill regard towards her, she has to do what is best for her as its the business end of the uni year, and that whatever happens will happen.
So there - thats what it is, not a happy end to the story but isnt that life
Sorry for the late reply - just back in the country after my vacation - and want to thank everyone for their advice.
So to follow up, I ended up breaking up with her when I got back from Australia. I took a risk (against the advice of the OcUK council of elders I must confess), and didnt do it before, i just wanted to take time to think about life and what i want and what I want to achieve and things, and i came home to the UK determined and focused on what I want in life. I had minimal contact with her over the break to give me time to think, and i came back with the mindset of "either she gives me what i want and we change for the better, or i'll finish it", and i wanted this done on the first day (like a plaster, get it over with).
We had a long chat today and basically she confirmed she is moving home. I said well thats fine, but what about X/Y/Z (see OP). She admitted she treated me like dogpoo, and that she feels really bad but she is swamped with university (she failed her 2 exams over xmas so she has to resit this month or she fails the year), and that she couldnt give me all the time i want.
I said to her that she needs to focus on her university, and that whatever happens will happen, but to not bank on us getting straight back together after exams etc which she understands.
I still class her as a close friend (as it stands), and it wasnt a messy break up, and i felt Mr Heart fighting Mr Brain with the "why not give it a go", which was hard to ignore and stay focused. You never know, we may get back together along the line but as far as I'm concerned I'm moving on with life. I hold no ill regard towards her, she has to do what is best for her as its the business end of the uni year, and that whatever happens will happen.
So there - thats what it is, not a happy end to the story but isnt that life
+2
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Classic blame you for something that isnt a problem to make the break up seem justified(in her head).
If she wants to moan about not paying bills and stuff how about instead of moving out at a greater cost to her (crazy women) you could let her pay some bills and make her clean the kitchen.
If she still doesnt want to do that in my mind i think she is taking the easy prolonged break up method. Dont be shocked if she is already seeing someone else btw. Seen this a lot where they test the water with the new person seeing how it goes while slowly breaking the other relationship up or putting the seeds in place to justify the break up. To which if the new relationship is what she wants she will break up with you or come back to you saying she made a mistake. Not saying this is the case but just horrible when it happens that way. I prefer the good old fashion straight forward end to the relationship with a simple reason.
She sounds crazy btw complaining that she doesnt have to pay anything while at uni.
Spider man her one last time and then do her best friend or mum if hot.... lol Bonus points for best friend and mum combo
If she wants to moan about not paying bills and stuff how about instead of moving out at a greater cost to her (crazy women) you could let her pay some bills and make her clean the kitchen.
If she still doesnt want to do that in my mind i think she is taking the easy prolonged break up method. Dont be shocked if she is already seeing someone else btw. Seen this a lot where they test the water with the new person seeing how it goes while slowly breaking the other relationship up or putting the seeds in place to justify the break up. To which if the new relationship is what she wants she will break up with you or come back to you saying she made a mistake. Not saying this is the case but just horrible when it happens that way. I prefer the good old fashion straight forward end to the relationship with a simple reason.
She sounds crazy btw complaining that she doesnt have to pay anything while at uni.
Spider man her one last time and then do her best friend or mum if hot.... lol Bonus points for best friend and mum combo
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Hi all,
Sorry for the late reply - just back in the country after my vacation - and want to thank everyone for their advice.
So to follow up, I ended up breaking up with her when I got back from Australia. I took a risk (against the advice of the OcUK council of elders I must confess), and didnt do it before, i just wanted to take time to think about life and what i want and what I want to achieve and things, and i came home to the UK determined and focused on what I want in life. I had minimal contact with her over the break to give me time to think, and i came back with the mindset of "either she gives me what i want and we change for the better, or i'll finish it", and i wanted this done on the first day (like a plaster, get it over with).
We had a long chat today and basically she confirmed she is moving home. I said well thats fine, but what about X/Y/Z (see OP). She admitted she treated me like dogpoo, and that she feels really bad but she is swamped with university (she failed her 2 exams over xmas so she has to resit this month or she fails the year), and that she couldnt give me all the time i want.
I said to her that she needs to focus on her university, and that whatever happens will happen, but to not bank on us getting straight back together after exams etc which she understands.
I still class her as a close friend (as it stands), and it wasnt a messy break up, and i felt Mr Heart fighting Mr Brain with the "why not give it a go", which was hard to ignore and stay focused. You never know, we may get back together along the line but as far as I'm concerned I'm moving on with life. I hold no ill regard towards her, she has to do what is best for her as its the business end of the uni year, and that whatever happens will happen.
So there - thats what it is, not a happy end to the story but isnt that life
Nice one mate, you handled that well.
I can't believe this isn't on the first page.
"We need pics to determine the best course of action".
But more seriously, ditch her - she's using you & protesting at the same time (while offering no help) - she basically wants the perks without having to show the gratitude (so making out it's not wanted).
"We need pics to determine the best course of action".
But more seriously, ditch her - she's using you & protesting at the same time (while offering no help) - she basically wants the perks without having to show the gratitude (so making out it's not wanted).
Read up about 10 posts. This thread was bumped with OP saying he had split with her.
OP here again. So we finally met up after her exams were finished, its now pretty much 2 months since i saw her properly as my girlfriend and it felt really weird seeing her again - she felt a little like a stranger at first.
We had a long chat for 3-4 hours about us and what happened, and we decided in the end to move on. She is too swamped with university and things going on at home to give me what i need, and i found it hard over the last 5 weeks to leave her alone and not text her etc which she said put pressure on her (who knows).
I just said that we might be able to make it work, but not now - too much has passed under the bridge the last 2 months to just slot back into "how it was" (thats not what i want anyway), so the best thing to do we've decided is to stay friends and that if it is meant to be be it will happen. I think its the best outcome, as we are (Cliche i know) at 2 very different stages in life- shes struggling to try and make it and has no free time, and im well established, my own flat / furniture, career sorted etc looking to the future for a family.
I'll learn from this experience and me and her will continue to chat, and we both conceded it was a whirlwind romance where we never really sat down and learned about each others pasts (ive been cheated on, which she said wouldve helped her understand why i was being clingy sometimes) and some things she told me made sense also etc.
You never know, it could be one of those things where it takes a friendship in order to work our issues out, but for now in my mind im not "banking on" getting back together as ive been hurt by that before in my younger days.
So there we are, /thread
We had a long chat for 3-4 hours about us and what happened, and we decided in the end to move on. She is too swamped with university and things going on at home to give me what i need, and i found it hard over the last 5 weeks to leave her alone and not text her etc which she said put pressure on her (who knows).
I just said that we might be able to make it work, but not now - too much has passed under the bridge the last 2 months to just slot back into "how it was" (thats not what i want anyway), so the best thing to do we've decided is to stay friends and that if it is meant to be be it will happen. I think its the best outcome, as we are (Cliche i know) at 2 very different stages in life- shes struggling to try and make it and has no free time, and im well established, my own flat / furniture, career sorted etc looking to the future for a family.
I'll learn from this experience and me and her will continue to chat, and we both conceded it was a whirlwind romance where we never really sat down and learned about each others pasts (ive been cheated on, which she said wouldve helped her understand why i was being clingy sometimes) and some things she told me made sense also etc.
You never know, it could be one of those things where it takes a friendship in order to work our issues out, but for now in my mind im not "banking on" getting back together as ive been hurt by that before in my younger days.
So there we are, /thread
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Have you bought a dishwasher yet? These things save marriages.
Hit the nail on the head here. If you learn nothing else from this, remember women don't want a housewife, they want a man. And they will fight you constantly for control, and if you don't continue to assert yourself they will lose respect for you.
Good man, glad to hear you've made a decision. After all that you were doing for her whilst you were working (presumably?) full-time and she was at uni... she sounds like a ****. Unless she's doing medicine. At Oxford. Even then I'd be ****ed though.