your thoughts on the midlife crisis

throwaway4372

throwaway4372

throwaway4372

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[38/m] I've been thinking about how I'm losing satisfaction my career and becoming aware of my mum's mortality, and generally wanting to go back and get a second shot at old decisions. I've heard these are signs of midlife crisis. I did some googling, but the results are poor quality - makes me think it was written by a woman, or society doesn't care about men's health /rant.

So I thought I'd ask the forum, plenty of guys here my age or older, so maybe you can chime in with your thoughts on the midlife crisis. What do you understand it to be, do you believe in it at all, what were your experiences or experiences of guys you know? How long did it last, any tips for handling it well or what to expect afterwards?
 
throwaway4372 said:
[38/m] I've been thinking about how I'm losing satisfaction my career and becoming aware of my mum's mortality, and generally wanting to go back and get a second shot at old decisions. I've heard these are signs of midlife crisis. I did some googling, but the results are poor quality - makes me think it was written by a woman, or society doesn't care about men's health /rant.

So I thought I'd ask the forum, plenty of guys here my age or older, so maybe you can chime in with your thoughts on the midlife crisis. What do you understand it to be, do you believe in it at all, what were your experiences or experiences of guys you know? How long did it last, any tips for handling it well or what to expect afterwards?
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Mid-40s here.

You kinda naturally start to think about what you want to do with your life at this age. Your 20s and 30s are pretty straightforward, study, party, work, climb career ladder, buy house etc, pretty standard stuff.

Once you tick all them off, what's next? Careers reach an inflection point where going further up the ladder is a lot of commitment and stress, is it what you want?

Understanding what you actually want in life is a surprisingly difficult thing to honestly question and think about. I guess kids are a big factor for most people but I neither have nor want them, neither does my partner.

What do I want? Probably to emigrate again in the next few years if I'm honest, bloody boring here.
 
throwaway4372 said:
[38/m] I've been thinking about how I'm losing satisfaction my career and becoming aware of my mum's mortality, and generally wanting to go back and get a second shot at old decisions. I've heard these are signs of midlife crisis. I did some googling, but the results are poor quality - makes me think it was written by a woman, or society doesn't care about men's health /rant.

So I thought I'd ask the forum, plenty of guys here my age or older, so maybe you can chime in with your thoughts on the midlife crisis. What do you understand it to be, do you believe in it at all, what were your experiences or experiences of guys you know? How long did it last, any tips for handling it well or what to expect afterwards?
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Its hitting.
Seeing people my parents generation die of stuff (often cancer, although not in my blood line). Particularly my partners mum. She's 32, her mum 67. And basically that wiped out of a year in trauma itself. Seeing that her mum just sat watching TV in the years I knew her.. That has been a wake up call.

Knowing that as time goes on I'm more and more likely to get it myself. Or something that prevents me becoming active.

Feel like I've only started to make more of time at 35+ (saving for a house etc before).

But yeah time seems very very valuable now. It's often what gets me out of the house during the week.

What hits quite hard is thinking "this is a bad summer". That's an entire year.. How many of those will I have left? 10? If I'm unlucky 40 If I'm lucky.

At the moment it's a good thing for me as I waste less time on computer games and stuff like that (I say waste as I don't have any good memories of the countless hours I spent gaming, I'm not dismissing gaming as a waste of time for everyone).

As depression runs in my family and me.. I do worry about it consuming me as life gets worse and worse. What would destroy me is not being able to go outdoors etc. And that it's likely to come before the end.



I'm overspending on holidays and underspending on stuff.
Eg
-nicked used a fridge from side of the road
-my holiday next month is 3k for myself alone.

I certainly do not want to save up only to pop it near retiring. Or be too ill health to use it.

I'm not going to do the classic and buy a porsche at 40.but I'm going to spend more on experiences
 
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413x said:
I certainly do not want to save up only to pop it near retiring.
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Don't worry about that bit, you're the only person that won't know about it.

Remind me of the Ricky Gervais quote:
Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others.
The same applies when you are stupid. :D

413x said:
Or be too ill health to use it.
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This is the bit to concentrate on. There's no guarantees but there is plenty we can do to increase our odds of staying fit and healthy for as long as possible.
 
Foghorn Leghorn said:
Don't worry about that bit, you're the only person that won't know about it.

Remind me of the Ricky Gervais quote:
Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others.
The same applies when you are stupid. :D


This is the bit to concentrate on. There's no guarantees but there is plenty we can do to increase our odds of staying fit and healthy for as long as possible.
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Even better. If I was stupid I probably wouldn't worry/get anxiety about so much! :D

Yeah, genetically (apart from mental health) my family is basically free from any early onset diseases. And genetics is a huge part. Obviously we have a very different world with food, micro plastics etc etc than even my parents did. So can't ride on it. But better then being riddled with disease
 
A mid life crisis I think we generally think of as a point where you're bored, questioning your life's value and/or whether you still can find excitement/pleasure in day to day life.
Stereotypically this is usually exemplified in television as almost a complete break down - almost always of a man - to the point where they take extreme measures such as buying a sports car, doing extreme sports etc.

However, I think a mid life crisis can be a point in your life where a feeling slowly eats away at you day to day.... that feeling of disappointment upon reflection of your life achievements or lack of them, and whether you realistically are in a position to have as much fun as you once had. You become a harsh critic on yourself. You realise that age is now a barrier preventing certain things you once could do.

Not sure I'm going through one in that I don't take actions that fit with "having a mid life crisis" per say, but I am at that point where I see the UK for what it is, and it bothers me that I feel trapped in the rat race and possibly not much will change until death due to having a large family that will tie me down to the UK ultimately. < Joyful! :)
 
Zatoichi.uK said:
Nearly bought a BMW but resisted as I'd look a right tit.
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FTFY :cry:

I think we all get it to a point, the last few years I've definitely spent evaluating what I want out of life and making some changes.

However I think it's a matter of perception & attitude - is it really a "crisis" if it prompts you to make positive changes to your life?

I guess if you've spent most of your life before "living a lie" and pretending to be someone you're not to keep other people happy then it can be quite damaging
 
Haggisman said:
However I think it's a matter of perception & attitude - is it really a "crisis" if it prompts you to make positive changes to your life?
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I thought that too at first, so I looked up the definition of 'crisis'. There are multiple definitions, I think it's this one which applies, written a couple of different ways:
- A crucial or decisive point or situation, especially a difficult or unstable situation involving an impending change.
- A stage in a sequence of events at which the trend of all future events, especially for better or for worse, is determined; turning point.
 
throwaway4372 said:
[38/m] I've been thinking about how I'm losing satisfaction my career and becoming aware of my mum's mortality, and generally wanting to go back and get a second shot at old decisions. I've heard these are signs of midlife crisis. I did some googling, but the results are poor quality - makes me think it was written by a woman, or society doesn't care about men's health /rant.

So I thought I'd ask the forum, plenty of guys here my age or older, so maybe you can chime in with your thoughts on the midlife crisis. What do you understand it to be, do you believe in it at all, what were your experiences or experiences of guys you know? How long did it last, any tips for handling it well or what to expect afterwards?
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i think these are all normal thoughts and experiences, I am 48 and have been thinking the same for the last decade. Every time i see my folks they are frailer and i absolutely have changed my attitude to work (multiple reasons why)

I dont think any of this is a midlife crisis just a natural evolution as you move on through life. There is nothing wrong with looking back at past decisions and changing direction. late 30s is still plenty of time left to do that.

I fully support the never grow up notion. I mean dont get me wrong, i have more responsibilites now and i cant do the silly stuff as often as i once did......... but I DO still do the silly stuff........ just in a more sensible manner and less often :D
 
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Mid 50s and I never experienced it. I sometimes feel I could have done more with my life but mostly I'm happy and content. I feel lucky to be alive. My mum died at 50, I was just 19, my dad died at 56 a month or two before her. So I'm close to his age. I think be grateful for what you have and I'm lucky to be loved by an amazing woman the love of my life. You never know what could be just around the corner, like when I collapsed at work recently and was in a coma for nearly 6 weeks.
 
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