Soldato
your thoughts on the midlife crisis
- Thread starter throwaway4372
- Start date
Soldato
I’ve felt I’m going through a bit of this at the moment. The best way I can describe it is like an internal turmoil. You feel things are changing around you and you are moving into a new phase/chapter of your life.
It’s hard to pinpoint one thing that causes it but I think it’s both backwards and forwards looking. Seeing grandparents pass on and your parents start to have health scares. Your career path is pretty advanced and is this what you want forever? What are the things I want to do in the remaining 2 or so decades while I still can? It’s a realisation of this is it, maybe nothing is going to change and you will continue on this existence until the end.
It’s a tough time but it is making me think a lot about my career in particular if I want to keep climbing the ladder. I’m keen to do something new like a startup but need to make sure I’m more stable financially as I’m not going to be reckless with a family to take care of.
I think ultimately it’s a conflict between what you want in life and what is actually happening. You have dreams when you are younger and many of them are unfulfilled so you pursue them. They may appear impulsive to others but in reality they stem from a long term desire hit with the realisation you haven’t got as long left as you once thought.
It’s hard to pinpoint one thing that causes it but I think it’s both backwards and forwards looking. Seeing grandparents pass on and your parents start to have health scares. Your career path is pretty advanced and is this what you want forever? What are the things I want to do in the remaining 2 or so decades while I still can? It’s a realisation of this is it, maybe nothing is going to change and you will continue on this existence until the end.
It’s a tough time but it is making me think a lot about my career in particular if I want to keep climbing the ladder. I’m keen to do something new like a startup but need to make sure I’m more stable financially as I’m not going to be reckless with a family to take care of.
I think ultimately it’s a conflict between what you want in life and what is actually happening. You have dreams when you are younger and many of them are unfulfilled so you pursue them. They may appear impulsive to others but in reality they stem from a long term desire hit with the realisation you haven’t got as long left as you once thought.
Soldato
- Joined
- 23 May 2006
- Posts
- 7,212
i am 1 out of 3 there, with one in progress...... and no intention of ever having the 3rd thing on your list.
i will leave it to your imagination the order of those things.
on a serious note..... i have never been career orientated. that is not to say i do not take pride in my work. i absolutely do and will fight my corner on that if needed any day of the week, however moving up the ladder just has zero interest to me, management is a hard pass!. i love that for 90% of my job i start work at 8 - 8:30, finish at 6:30-7pm and that is it..... (with a 30 min break).
longer hours than many for a day but i only do a 4 day week and am 90% FTE which for me is an incredible work life balance sacrifice and well worth the £300 or so a month pay cut on my take home salary..
i am 48 and ever since i started work my goal has always been to retire at 60 at the latest. Admittedly having a child has made that slightly more challenging but am still on schedule.
I look at family and friends who work thier backsides off and on more than one occaision ended up in the ground before ever really getting to fully realise the fruits of their work.
I do not want that to be me.
Thankfully i am not one for being bored. i am easily entertained and do fancy taking up golf and also crown green bowling at a nice village pub (with beer....... lots and lots of beer
)some might say i have always been in a life crisis of one type or another, i worry about stuff far more than i should.
what ever happens i am out of a job in under 18months time. We are only allowed to work for 9 years at our place and then we are let go (they claim it is to get fresh blood and new ideas for research, but its actually for tax / pension purposes)
so i will be 50 and entering the job market, with a highly specialised and not that in demand skills set. for now i am burying my head in the sand.
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Unfortunately I have a vivid imagination!i am 1 out of 3 there, with one in progress...... and no intention of ever having the 3rd thing on your list.
i will leave it to your imagination the order of those things.
Ugh. I try not to think about career. It's another reason my old passive self bit me.
No love for my job. But unfortunately I don't earn enough to just jack it in and try something high risk.
But I earn too much just to jack it in and try something from scratch.
No way I have the stamina/money to go to uni and pay for another degree I might not like.
I don't hate it either, so giving up the salary at near 40 would be hard.
So I guess I'm like a huge number of people who've left it too late. And feel trapped.
I've decided that what comes with the job (WFH, it's not too difficult vs the salary, it's very transferable) is enough to make peace with it.
But if I could go back now.. Yes I'd change that. Do a different degree. Or bail on that degree early and restart etc.
Def not complaining.. But i do wonder when I look back in 20 years (assuming get there!) with regret or if I'll be OK with it.
Only changes I can see are emigrating or working for myself. Or getting a 4 day week job.
But I'd rather work hard for you to 8 months and have 4 solid months off than 4 day weeks.
It is frustrating to spend 8 hours of the day just "settling".
Also wondering if I can work remote. Or from a van or something. And really make the most of WFH
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Soldato
I can relate to a lot of what he is saying. I think a lot of my issues also stem from career as well. I think when you discover things that make you realise a lot of what you believed at the start is actually a lie it is tough.
Having gone through burnout I’m hesitant to do anything that would take me down that path again. My current job has that potential to take me there again so I’m very careful at the moment. The money is good so I see it as something that will help unlock a new phase in my career. I’ve thought about emigrating as well and just retiring in a low cost of living area but that’s hard to undo if I regret it. It’s still on my mind as a possibility and in the times of burnout and high stress it has been extremely tempting.
I don’t regret the path in my career. I started in engineering and side stepped into tech due to the pay. It’s a bit of a farce we pay engineers so little but that’s what it is. What I do feel wrong about at the moment is knowing my work and ideas will just sit on a shelf and not likely see the light of day. The company will just put a patent on them and then just leave them to gather dust. I get a nice plaque which is like a hollow victory. It’s why I will just do a startup as that is real impact.
Associate
Damnit! I did this! Unintentionally!
School friend died who was same age as me! Made me realise her lifestyle wasn't for me, so I got out!
It's working out to be fair...