Eye contact when communicating
- Thread starter Ed
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I rarely make eye contact unless I really mean business in a good or bad way... I tend to scan the whole face and body and read reactions as i find it more useful than keeping eye contact. With mates, I just I tend to look in the general direction of them to ensure they know I'm speaking to them and thats all; as with mates you know them well enough not to have to read reactions.
Girls tend to be big lovers for eye contact first... but how should it be before it ends up just staring at each other? of course anyways break it up smile if shes nice.
Girls tend to be big lovers for eye contact first... but how should it be before it ends up just staring at each other? of course anyways break it up smile if shes nice.
Caporegime
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Seasonal Affective Disorder? I'm still in the dark 
I do.
http://specialchildren.about.com/od/aspergersyndrome/a/eyecontact.htm
Nothing to do with confidence, as someone said earlier it's natural to dislike eye contact. Unless you're in competition with the person, which I suppose would be the equivalent to a fight.
I think that's probably the speaker's problem, I personally listen with my ears and not my eyes. I'd say they're the ones that aren't all that confident if they need me to stare at them to think I'm paying attention.
I might try that
Seasonal Affective Disorder? I'm still in the dark
Social Anxiety Disorder
Man of Honour
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I find this thread very interesting because I have exactly the same problem. I never used to have, it's only now that I am a little older (35) and it's come on in the last five years or so.
As Raikiri said "Nothing to do with confidence, as someone said earlier it's natural to dislike eye contact. Unless you're in competition with the person, which I suppose would be the equivalent to a fight."
I am totally confident (I think) and I don't have a problem per se communicating with people but I *am* aware I find it hard to keep eye contact and I am aware others notice it. We are even talking my mum, my fiancee (wife tomorrow) and my colleagues/boss at work. I consciously try to keep eye contact but because it is a conscious effort it's like keeping a muscle tensed and after a while the effort is too much.
A wierd thing though - I have no problem with people wearing glasses :/
I dislike it if someone artificially keeps eye contact or tries *that* stare - at that point I will stare them out and I don't believe I've ever been stared down.. that isn't a confidence issue.
General, subcinscious social eye contact can be hard and it's really worries me that a lot of people in my life have noticed and seem not to try to keep eye contact with me.. as I said, even my other half which I feel is really important
To those who "mock", that's fair enough but it's a serious issue and not everyone is comfortable with it - your problem if you are insecure enough not to be comfortable communicating with someone who doesn't keep eye contact. There are a lot better/more effective ways of reading communication between people.
As Raikiri said "Nothing to do with confidence, as someone said earlier it's natural to dislike eye contact. Unless you're in competition with the person, which I suppose would be the equivalent to a fight."
I am totally confident (I think) and I don't have a problem per se communicating with people but I *am* aware I find it hard to keep eye contact and I am aware others notice it. We are even talking my mum, my fiancee (wife tomorrow) and my colleagues/boss at work. I consciously try to keep eye contact but because it is a conscious effort it's like keeping a muscle tensed and after a while the effort is too much.
A wierd thing though - I have no problem with people wearing glasses :/
I dislike it if someone artificially keeps eye contact or tries *that* stare - at that point I will stare them out and I don't believe I've ever been stared down.. that isn't a confidence issue.
General, subcinscious social eye contact can be hard and it's really worries me that a lot of people in my life have noticed and seem not to try to keep eye contact with me.. as I said, even my other half which I feel is really important
To those who "mock", that's fair enough but it's a serious issue and not everyone is comfortable with it - your problem if you are insecure enough not to be comfortable communicating with someone who doesn't keep eye contact. There are a lot better/more effective ways of reading communication between people.
Associate
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I don't see what the problem is though. What is important about eye-contact? It seems odd to me that people are so interested in having their eyes looked at.
Angus Higgins
Angus Higgins
Definately look up Asbergers Syndrome
Eye contact is important to so many people as it allows you to diagnose what isnt being said or what is being implied but not being said directly.
All forms of autism tend to make for a more... logical... mind that doesnt quite grasp the nuances of "normal" inter communication. Often what isnt being said is more important than what is.
The eyes can twitch and move uncomfrotably when somebody is lying for example, and a proven auto response is the pupils dilate (or contract or something) which we are naturally wired to recognise without even knowing it. Thats probably one of the reasons we can soemtimes say "that person is lying, I dont know why, but they are."
I have a friend who probably falls under the umbrella term of an asberger. They find it hard to socially interact and much prefer to use digital communication as it removes the need to look for the hidden meaning. I personally wonder if this "instinctive" knowledge of human pyhsyiological responses is actually missing from those we label as autistic or an asberger. I have built up a rapor my friend though as we have been friends for well over 10 years now so we communicate very easily in the way most people do without thinking about it.
Sadly most peoples response to others who are different in the way they think is just to dismiss them and to take the mikey. If they dont want to do what you enjoy doing then simply move onto the next possible friend as you would with anyone else who wasn't openly different...
Associate
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Definately look up Asbergers Syndrome
Eye contact is important to so many people as it allows you to diagnose what isnt being said or what is being implied but not being said directly.
I have done.
People should simply say what they mean, not say something else in a cryptic manner and hope that the other person can decode it. It is more logical to do it this way, and therefore it provides a more efficient method of communication.
Angus Higgins
Soldato
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Just ask them to tilt their head until they eyes are level.
I'm not the most confident or upfront of guys so i'm not really an eye contact person. I nearly always focus on the lips but thats just a habit i've picked up from being partially deaf.
If it's one of my friends though, i do use eye contact. I think it's so much easier to understand what someones saying or trying to say when i do that.
If it's one of my friends though, i do use eye contact. I think it's so much easier to understand what someones saying or trying to say when i do that.
Ah but for some, the chase of finding the meaning is half the fun
If you want to look into the psychology im sure its all very complex, sometimes not saying what they mean because they dont feel comfortable doing so, or perhaps lying because they wish to make the person talking to them believe a nontruth.
Humans im afraid come in all shapes, sizes and flavours and the majority arn't logical some of the time. Sure most can take an objective view of a sutuation, or deduce through logical reasoning, but when it comes to the art of communication, a direct path is sometimes not the most tactful, so we find a different way to say what we mean that is less offensive or at least less obvious than the true meaning.
Either way, going back to eye contact, if you are talking to somebody who is looking the other way, regardless of how illogical it may be, for most people, most of the time it feels like the person you are talking to either isnt paying attention or maybe has something to hide. Fixing eyes with your subject shows without a shadow of a doubt that you are listening and that they are your sole current focus. Maybe it shouldn't be important, but for most, it is.
i keep eye contact, but i tend to switch between eyes.
i have been told its not staring and can be seen in, how can i say this?, a positive way with many of the the ladies, in fact all the ladies, because there have been a few times my missus has had to tell me off because of woemn coming onto me, and apparently its all in the eyes
i have been told its not staring and can be seen in, how can i say this?, a positive way with many of the the ladies, in fact all the ladies, because there have been a few times my missus has had to tell me off because of woemn coming onto me, and apparently its all in the eyes