Corporate buzz words

[scorza]

"I don't want to teach you to suck eggs", means teach you something very basic and easy.

Isn't the saying "teaching your grandmother to suck eggs"? I prefer the Italian version, which makes a lot more sense, and involves your grandmother sucking something else entirely

Hang fire is a personal hatred of mine, as is to touch-base.

 

[Jon Frost]

touch base

I say that a lot, and 'close of play'

 

[Genoma]

"outside of my sphere of influence"

And I honestly watched a powerpoint presentation where they used, wait for it:

"disintermediation"

 

[chipperhead]

Isn't the saying "teaching your grandmother to suck eggs"? I prefer the Italian version, which makes a lot more sense, and involves your grandmother sucking something else entirely

Hang fire is a personal hatred of mine, as is to touch-base.

Yes I have heard that mentioned aswell, how bizarre, weirdos

 

[Dj_Jestar]

I just hate agile and scrum

This is getting off topic, but I love them. Makes my job so much easier.

 

[DanTheMan]

paradigm

I thought that was just a member of overclockers till now . Me and my sheltered life.

 

[Van Hellseek]

People who use this stuff should die in fire.

 

[Bobster]

Customer focused
and a new word entirely...customercentric ...WTF!

 

[Kobrakai]

Web 2.0

 

[malfunkshun]

Dont ever answer "you need to think outside the box" with "Of course, I have to be outside to put you in it"

 

[skaylesh]

assertive
brainstorm

'Brainstorm' is not a politically correct term as it might offend mental people because they have, er, storms inside their brain!

'Mindshower' is an accepted alternative.

 

[dantheman213]

Robustification, no idea what it means, but was used at my place of work for a while.

I personally like "lets touch base on this"

 

[Bungee]

'Brainstorm' is not a politically correct term as it might offend mental people because they have, er, storms inside their brain!

'Mindshower' is an accepted alternative.

Or trailblaze

 

[Stolly]

Customer focused
and a new word entirely...customercentric ...WTF!

We have networkcentric skillsbases.

We have a bloke who makes this stuff up on a hourly basis. Total muppet.

 

[The_TailGunner]

leveraging....

i really REALLY hate the corporate misuse of that word...

'i think we can leverage some of our human resource in a more proactive manner'

ARRRGH!

 

[fuzzy]

roadmap

ring-fence

liaise

out-source

utilize

implement(ation)

protocol

best practice

best advantage

deliver

performance management

value engineering

R.O.I

solutions

functionality

operating environment (eg. I am putting this stapler on my desk. The solution: a stapler. The operating environment: a raised horizontal surface. Key Performance Indicators: stapler is experiencing reduced functionality. Post-mortem analysis: project workflow was compromised by a protocol breach, somebody forgot to re-order staples.)

methodology

resource

policy statement

system integration

workflow

linkage

empowerment

downsize

benchmarking

brainstorm (now "moving forward" towards the much more exciting "thought shower")

"blamestorm"

CRM (Customer Relationship Management - Formerly PR)

scenario

ballpark

excremental (opposite of incremental. eg. instead of growing incrementally, sales are disappearing down the toilet.)

taking this forward (who ever decides to take "this" backward?)

Key Performance Indicators

Mission statement

synergy

focus

underpin

overlay

engagement

framework

groundwork

sustainability

CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility - now that really is ********)

impact (as a verb)

action (as a verb: I action, you action, he/she/it actions)

brand penetration

facilitate

heads-up

leverage (verb)

incentivise

concrete deliverables

variables

low hanging fruit

knowledge base

core competencies

holistic

rationalize

motivational hub

user group

robust

organisational structure

Quality Assurance (QA)

timeframe

timescale

parameter

mission critical

pro-active

in-house



This one's a classic from some bloke on t'bbc website:

"In a brainstorming, right-brain, left brain context, lets throw all the ideas into the proverbial wok and see if we get ourselves a stir fry!"



harness

redefine

leading-edge

approach (n.)

cookin' with gas

proof-of-concept

negative growth

negative dis-growth

diseconomy

paradigm

we're selling the sizzle, not the sausage

face-time

stakeholder

compliance

strategic objectives

outline

vision statement

annexe

interim findings

strategic partnership

trip hazard (any object which is loacted on or near the floor).

sector

segment

derive

capacity

melting-pot

collateral

fast-track

streamline (v.)

feedback

scope (v.)

drill down

realignment

externally facing

interface (v.)

monetise

point-of-sale (POS)

outcomes

spearhead

user-centric

key goals

input

accelerate

evaluation

green light

effectuate

 

[banja]

I'd just be too tempted to subvert the whole thing - subtly alter the phrases for fun.

"We need to get together next week and touch cloth"

"Let's get creative and think outside of her box"

"Let's organise a brainstorm session followed by golden mindshower"

"Rub it up the flag pole and see what stinks"

etc.

 

[RobH]

"We need to get together next week and touch cloth"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqnD6umhOGw

 

[greeny_fastcar]

roadmap

ring-fence

liaise

out-source

utilize

implement(ation)

protocol

best practice

best advantage

deliver

performance management

value engineering

R.O.I

solutions

functionality

operating environment (eg. I am putting this stapler on my desk. The solution: a stapler. The operating environment: a raised horizontal surface. Key Performance Indicators: stapler is experiencing reduced functionality. Post-mortem analysis: project workflow was compromised by a protocol breach, somebody forgot to re-order staples.)

methodology

resource

policy statement

system integration

workflow

linkage

empowerment

downsize

benchmarking

brainstorm (now "moving forward" towards the much more exciting "thought shower")

"blamestorm"

CRM (Customer Relationship Management - Formerly PR)

scenario

ballpark

excremental (opposite of incremental. eg. instead of growing incrementally, sales are disappearing down the toilet.)

taking this forward (who ever decides to take "this" backward?)

Key Performance Indicators

Mission statement

synergy

focus

underpin

overlay

engagement

framework

groundwork

sustainability

CSR (Corporate Social Responsibility - now that really is ********)

impact (as a verb)

action (as a verb: I action, you action, he/she/it actions)

brand penetration

facilitate

heads-up

leverage (verb)

incentivise

concrete deliverables

variables

low hanging fruit

knowledge base

core competencies

holistic

rationalize

motivational hub

user group

robust

organisational structure

Quality Assurance (QA)

timeframe

timescale

parameter

mission critical

pro-active

in-house



This one's a classic from some bloke on t'bbc website:

"In a brainstorming, right-brain, left brain context, lets throw all the ideas into the proverbial wok and see if we get ourselves a stir fry!"



harness

redefine

leading-edge

approach (n.)

cookin' with gas

proof-of-concept

negative growth

negative dis-growth

diseconomy

paradigm

we're selling the sizzle, not the sausage

face-time

stakeholder

compliance

strategic objectives

outline

vision statement

annexe

interim findings

strategic partnership

trip hazard (any object which is loacted on or near the floor).

sector

segment

derive

capacity

melting-pot

collateral

fast-track

streamline (v.)

feedback

scope (v.)

drill down

realignment

externally facing

interface (v.)

monetise

point-of-sale (POS)

outcomes

spearhead

user-centric

key goals

input

accelerate

evaluation

green light

effectuate

Thats my previous managers dictionary right there!!

 

[The Dread Pirate]

"Let's get creative and think outside of her box"

I'd rather get creative and think inside of her box