The worlds WORST jokes in here please.

Why's a woman like a KFC meal?

When you've finished with the leg and the breast, all you have left is a greasy box to stick your bone in...
 
Dogoid said:
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
nein
Click to expand...

I know expanded version of it:

- How many [write any nationality here] does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- Nine [let's say ;-)]
- Why ?
- One holds this lightbulb in hand and the rest twirl a house.
 
biuro74 said:
I know expanded version of it:

- How many [write any nationality here] does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- Nine [let's say ;-)]
- Why ?
- One holds this lightbulb in hand and the rest twirl a house.
Click to expand...

that only works with the Irish.
 
Tonyator said:
A man walks into a bar, and half his head is an orange.

He sits down, orders a drink.

The bartender looks at him and asks "what happened to your head, half of it is an orange!"

"Well it all started when I found a magic lamp in my loft.... I gave the lamp a rub and out popped a genie, who granted me three wishes."

"For my first wish, I wished for a wallet with a million pounds in it, that I could never lose, and whenever I take any money out of it the sum is immediately replenished."

"For my second wish,I wished that any woman I see to fall madly in love with me at first sight"

"Now this wish I really regret, for my third wish, I wished for half my head to be an orange.'"
Click to expand...

OMG someone else who's heard that joke! I posted it on here ages ago I think :D
 
And off topic, because they are nice jokes, not the worst :)

- Stirlitz had a thought. He liked it and had another one.

- Stirlitz went through the streets of Berlin in the night and thought hard about what set him apart from the usual German. Was it his open-air look? His military bearing? Or maybe the parachute dragging behind him?

- Stirlitz is sitting in his office. Someone knocks. "It's Bormann," thinks Stirlitz. "Yes, it's me," thinks Bormann.
 
You want bad?

I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper - dicing with death.




Patient: “Doctor, I’m so worried, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home’. Can you help me?”
Doctor: “What you have is the Tom Jones syndrome”
Patient: “Oh, gosh, is it common?”
Doctor: “It’s not unusual”
 
One day in the jungle a chimpanzee invented some tools to eat his dinner. One tool was a flat stick sharpened along one edge, this he used to cut his food.

The other was a stick with four smaller sticks attached to the end each sharpened to a point. He used to spear his food and place it in his mouth.

The chimp was very proud of his inventions which he called his one point tool and his four point tool. One day he awoke to find that the four point tool was missing. The chimp was distraught. He ran around the jungle trying to find his precious tool.

First he came upon the lion. "Lion, Lion!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?"

"No." Replied the lion, "I have not seen your four point tool."

Then the chimp came upon the gorilla. "Gorilla, Gorilla!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?"

"No." Replied the gorilla, "I have not seen your four point tool."

Then the chimp came upon the jaguar. "Jaguar, Jaguar!" he cried, "Have you seen my four point tool?"

"Yup!" replied the jaguar, "I've seen your four point tool."

"Well where is it?" inquired the chimp.

"I ate it." Said the jaguar, smugly.

"Why would you do that?" Cried the chimp.

...


...



"Because," replied the big cat, "I'm a four point tool eater jaguar!"
 
A man finds a lantern and rubs it, a genie pops out and grants the man 3 wishes, but warns however that whatever the man wishes for, his wife will recieve 100x greater.

The man first wishes to be the richest man alive, the genie warns that his wife will be the richest woman alive and will have no dependance on the man, which may end the marrage, the man replies "whatever is mine is hers, and whatever is hers is mine", and with that the genie grants the wish.

The man's second wish is to be the most handsome man alive, the genie wanrs however that his wife will be the most beautiful woman alive and all the men will lust for her he replies "but I will be the most handsome man alive and she'll only have eyes for me", and with that the genie grants the wish.

Finally, the man wishes for a mild heart attack.

...

I'll post more at a less :o hour!

-Aura
 
A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.

"Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.

Silence fell... then everyone turned to the masochist and asked: "So, what's it gonna be?"

To which he replied, "Meow!"
 
Azagoth said:
A guy walks into the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what's just happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. So I untied her, and we ended up having had sex over and over again, in every position imaginable; I mean everything! It was bloody unbelievable!"

His friend replies, "That's great! Did she do oral too?"


"Nah, I looked but I couldn't find her head.", he said.
Click to expand...


That doesn't belong in here... I lol'd!
 
I didn't get the 3 legged dog one either, but an older gentleman in my office explained that it's a famous cowboy line, where a guy stumbles into a saloon and says "I'm looking for the guy who shot my Pa" of course, with a strong western american accent.

He looked at me with a degree of cynicism when i explained i'd never heard that line. Apparently i'm a heathen. I guess you are too.
 
Morthoseth said:
What do you call a Spanish woman with no legs?

Gracias
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LOL!

What do you call a polite snake?
A civil serpent.


Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.


How did Tarzan die?
Picking cherries.


Why did the monkey fall out the tree?
It was tied to a fridge.


Why did the other monkey fall out the tree?
It was dead.


Why did the third monkey fall out the tree?
It was stapled to the dead monkey.


Why did the fourth monkey fall out the tree?
Peer pressure.


Why did the tree fall over?
Thought it was a monkey.


Why do moles live underground?
Scared of falling trees.
 
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