The worlds WORST jokes in here please.
- Thread starter something_totally_different
- Start date
Associate
- Joined
- 23 Jun 2005
- Posts
- 2,495
- Location
- On the Edge*
A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinse Businessman and an
Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers
in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes!"
The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
poor golf!"
The Chinse Businessman called out "Move it, time is money"
The Catholic Priest said, "Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him."
"Hello, George!", said the Catholic Priest, "What's wrong with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
George the greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The Indian Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for
them."
The Chinese Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000 to the
fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls"
The Aussie said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Aussie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers
in front of them.
The Aussie fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes!"
The Indian Doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
poor golf!"
The Chinse Businessman called out "Move it, time is money"
The Catholic Priest said, "Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's
have a word with him."
"Hello, George!", said the Catholic Priest, "What's wrong with that
group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
George the greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire
last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic Priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight."
The Indian Doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my
ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for
them."
The Chinese Businessman replied, "I think I'll donate $50,000 to the
fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls"
The Aussie said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Associate
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- 3 Jan 2006
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- 2,073
- Location
- Bishopsworth, Bristol
What do you call a women with no arms and no legs?
Ilene.
Ilene.
NO! What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene!
Associate
- Joined
- 3 Sep 2005
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- Location
- Glasgow, Scotland
Caporegime
- Joined
- 28 Jun 2007
- Posts
- 52,812
- Location
- Tamworth, UK
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles o n the earth.
The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...
...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door .
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight
.. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..
That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you because you're not a monk.
The man says, all right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles o n the earth.
The monks reply, congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...
...silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door .
The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight
.. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
Caporegime
- Joined
- 28 Jun 2007
- Posts
- 52,812
- Location
- Tamworth, UK
Associate
- Joined
- 30 Jun 2004
- Posts
- 118
Did you know owls can't mate in the rain?
Too wet to woo apparently.
Too wet to woo apparently.
That was good... wasn't expecting that lol.
Dunno if it's been posted here? I've not checked all the posts... The two "worst" jokes that come to mine aaarrree:
Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
When I first heard 'em I cracked up to no end, then again I appreciate really terrible comedy I guess
Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
When I first heard 'em I cracked up to no end, then again I appreciate really terrible comedy I guess
