Le relationship thread (keeping it short)

Hopefully that's it sorted dude, but I've been there with the whole "i don't want to lose you" bit and it does change for a little while then all comes crashing back down.

The problem is you will forget about this argument in a week or so but she will probably hold it over you for ever more.

KaHn
 
Well done regulus, I'm glad it worked out for you. :)

Ignore the cynics who think it is right to know every detail about everything your girlfriend does and doesn't do. If something is important, it'll come up in due time.
 
Gaygle said:
Wouldn't have even been worth asking then - she would have lied.
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Fair point. So basically he had no choice but to accept whatever she says and ignore the fact that she flipped out for fear of breaking up?

Dj_Jestar said:
Ignore the cynics who think it is right to know every detail about everything your girlfriend does and doesn't do. If something is important, it'll come up in due time.
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It's not every detail though, is it? I agree that if it's important it will come up.

I suppose all that matters is that regulus is happy with how it all turned out. :)
 
Good news! You actually spoke to her :)

Regarding whether you should leave the other thing, would it make a difference to you if she said 'yes'?
If so, find out.
If not and you are happy to just move on from it all, them don't ask.
 
regulus said:
Hey sorry for the lack of updates. Work keeping me busy. It went nothing like I thought it would. We had a nice meal where nothing was really said. She went on about her day and showed tons of interest in mine.

Afterwards I started watching 'The Unborn' when she came up to me on the sofa and sort off grabbed onto me. Teary-eyed (why does women always start crying :rolleyes:) she went on about how she doesn't want to lose me, so sorry for her behaviour, etc etc. Also said she'll never go out with this girl again if that's what I wanted (I didn't).

I also felt compelled to apologise for not doing more with her and allowing things to stagnate. It was very surreal having this conversation with her but it was probably long over due. In a moment of pure madness I even promised to go to dancing classes with her! She's coming to badminton with me tomorrow. We both agreed on making a much bigger effort doing more things together. Today she surprised me by coming round the site (cue wolf whistles from the guys) and taking me for lunch. Almost felt like a first date again. So yes, I'm holding quite a bit of hope for the survival of this relationship.

This about all that's happened so far. There's just one last tiny matter I still want to know but asking would perhaps take us back to square one. I'd like to know if there was another guy on the scene, however brief, when she was out all those nights. Leave it or touch upon later?
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Dude brilliant man it sounds all positive nice 1 and good luck :D
oh btw I don't think there is any need to ask because maybe she got a shock of her life in thinking you might leave her.
 
Definitely don't ask that question. No good can come of it. You'll feel better in the long run if you have faith in her and it all works out. If it doesn't, at least you didn't act like a ****.
Trust her. Put it aside and enjoy. Sounds like you've both had a wake-up call.
 
stinamoo said:
Sometimes, my boyfriend thinks it's fully resolved and that I am taking the **** if I bring it back up again, even to say it's not resolved in my mind.

I think I am keeping the peace and doing the best thing for the relationship by not saying anything, but it's eating away at me inside until I have a massive hormonal tantrum over something completely unrelated ;)
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Again ridiculous, the 'trying to not say anything to keep the peace' is the single most common reason relationships break up, you're not keeping the peace woman kind by doing this your planting a time bomb, women of the world stop doing this please or if you do don't even bring it up again in the future because it makes you look like complete manipulative fickle idiots, no wonder so many relationships hit the rocks if 50% of the relationship the one half is pulling stunts like this. Suffice to say this behaviour I don't tolerate, get to the point and sort it out and enjoy the positives in life, don't waste time doing that, if you do, then likely life is so boring it needs to be done to create drama. Suffice to say I learned over the years to put a stop to such stupidity and now me and the mrs just say if something is bothering us, it's an enlightened road I can assure everyone ! lol
 
shifty_uk said:
Am I the only one who thinks flirting with other men = instant binning? Perhaps I'm really that choosey or insecure. Luckily my other half seems to be on the same wavelength.
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Christ, the amount of times I wish I had done this in past relationships. Would have saved me so much aggro!
 
Theophany said:
Christ, the amount of times I wish I had done this in past relationships. Would have saved me so much aggro!
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Nope i'm with you... I completely understand many people find it harmless... And to an extent it is.

However... I guess i've always bought into the 'my eyes are only for you' notion myself and I never ever flirt with other women when in a relationship. If I feel that itch, then I leave the girl i'm with and stay single for a while.

My reasoning is that with the right girl, I wouldn't feel that need to have female attention. So to me if a girl flirts with other men... Out the door she goes because i'm obviously not right for her and I don't have time to waste trying to find the right one.

Crazy perhaps... But its worked for me, every relationship has gotten closer and closer to finding the right one and hopefully this time I have as we both seem to be completely on the same page with...well...pretty much everything! Had I 'worked' through the problems I would still be in an unsatisfying relationship with one of my exes now.
 
Dj_Jestar said:
Ignore the cynics who think it is right to know every detail about everything your girlfriend does and doesn't do. If something is important, it'll come up in due time.
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I find people giving their opinion on if they would want to know if said partner cheated or not. Lets not go over the top and assume people are demanding to know every move someone makes.

OP seems happy for now so good on him, hope things work out.
 
Gaygle said:
Leave it. Definitely leave it - if it happened, it'll come out soon enough. Obviously i have no way of knowing, but i don't think she went that far that night, she sounds like she probably just got hit on quite a bit, probably had some drink bought for her and a good time. Sounds to me like she just loved getting that much guy attention for the first time in 7 years.

If you do ask her, she'll lie if she has done anything. Basically, you won't know if she's telling the truth or not because, at the moment, she has every reason to lie (because you and her are getting on so well at the moment - in your words "it was like a first date") and no reason at all to tell the truth. If she did something, in her mind, she will simply dismiss it as a momentary lapse in judgement because she had been drinking/her friend was encouraging her/she didn't feel things were great with you at the time/the guy was really really hot/she felt you had neglected her.
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I like what you wrote there. I can accept a momentary lapse in judgement but perhaps it's better I don't know about it all the same. I actually thought about it quite a bit the past few hours and with each hour passing it mattered less. Perhaps it might change tomorrow but right now I don't really care either way. In my heart of hearts, applying cold logic .... I don't think she's done anything.

I'm just pleased that we reached a stage where both of us can be happy with giving it another go and trying to get it right this time by not taking each other for granted. Even after 7 years of her walking through the door, I still look forward to her coming home. More so tonight.
 
MissChief said:
Yay!

ohl, in case you don't get it yet, DON'T ASK!
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I totally understand this whole 'don't ask' mentality... Really I do.

However... In my opinion, If the OP had a genuine suspicion that something happened then he should ask.

By the sounds of it, her actions in this instance haven't warranted adequate suspicion. Therefore the 'don't ask' advice is appropriate.

But to not ask when there is a real reason to suspect would be totally going against every bone in my body. Should she actually have done the dirty, by not asking her he would be teaching her that she can get away with cheating just by being extra nice a couple of days later, and her man will be too weak to confront her on it, choosing to bury his potentially warranted insecurity instead.

Put it this way, if a girl cheated on me. I would want to know, even though it would destroy the relationship and even if the relationship is going very well. Simply, I cannot abide cheating in any form and any feelings I have for a person would be lost the instant I found out the truth.

Am I twisted? Perhaps... Just my thoughts on the matter.
 
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But by asking he risks upsetting everything good that's happened today and then she can throw the 'you don't trust me' angle right back at him. i still say 'Don't ask' and the Op has said that he doesn't believe she cheated. Leave it be and enjoy the new found impetus in the relationship.
 
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