Le relationship thread (keeping it short)

GordyR said:
Wow... I'm sorry to hear that mate. Must have been very very tough.
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it was but you just get on with things, it was many moons ago now and i see my kids every day but I guess thats down to luck more than anything as i know a few people who have kids and they hardly ever seen them
 
Dj_Jestar said:
You're smelling imaginary smoke tbh.
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Not really, no.

Cupra said:
i was with a girl for 6 years, we had a child, she was expecting another child

i found oyt she had cheated on me in th e first year so i waited till second child was born told her i knew then left
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Harsh. Good to hear that it has worked out OK in the end though.

It seems that there are 2 groups, those that would just carry on as if nothing happened and those who would want to know what happened and then cut her off if needed.
 
shifty_uk said:
She clearly has strong feelings for you Spawn. Is there nothing at all you can salvage from the relationship or work towards? :)

Sorry to hear that, though!
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Sorry for the delay in getting back....no unfortunately i dont think theres any chance of salvaging the relationship...too many words and hurtful words have been said by both of us to think that we could work it out...its sad and unfortunate to be fair but thats life.

I did go round to speak to her after waiting a day for things to calm down...we did have a very frank discussion about things and i told her that i dont think im in love with her anymore...i love her but not in love and if we had continued then it wouldnt have been good....this way at least we have ended it early enough so that the both of us can get on with things. She gave me back the engagement ring i gave her but i told her to keep it and sell it....maybe it was silly of me to do so but meh i dont care....materialistic things dont mean squat to me in all honesty.

The main thing is that we were both adults about it and i walked away much happier that we didnt end on a bad note...of course shes heartbroken and honestly i am too but it was clear to see that we were fighting over silly/stupid things which isnt how a relationship is supposed to be.

Anyhow ive booked a week in Barbados in 2 weeks time as i need to sort my head out...plus im desperate to get away for a few days....only going by myself although some of my mates want to tag along but id rather they didnt....i just want to chill on the beach and relax after the past few weeks.
 
GordyR said:
Not really, we're not saying that in this case the OP's girlfriend has definately cheated. We are just discussing what you should do if you genuinely suspect something.
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Also, if the shoe were on the other foot so to speak, how many threads (including this one) have we heard stories where the other party are suspicious of something, and again the same old advice is given out - "dump him/her" ?

I think I remember a thread where someone was almost in the same boat as the OP's girlfriend, but I could be wrong.
 
regulus said:
Hey sorry for the lack of updates. Work keeping me busy. It went nothing like I thought it would. We had a nice meal where nothing was really said. She went on about her day and showed tons of interest in mine.

Afterwards I started watching 'The Unborn' when she came up to me on the sofa and sort off grabbed onto me. Teary-eyed (why does women always start crying :rolleyes:) she went on about how she doesn't want to lose me, so sorry for her behaviour, etc etc. Also said she'll never go out with this girl again if that's what I wanted (I didn't).

I also felt compelled to apologise for not doing more with her and allowing things to stagnate. It was very surreal having this conversation with her but it was probably long over due. In a moment of pure madness I even promised to go to dancing classes with her! She's coming to badminton with me tomorrow. We both agreed on making a much bigger effort doing more things together. Today she surprised me by coming round the site (cue wolf whistles from the guys) and taking me for lunch. Almost felt like a first date again. So yes, I'm holding quite a bit of hope for the survival of this relationship.

This about all that's happened so far. There's just one last tiny matter I still want to know but asking would perhaps take us back to square one. I'd like to know if there was another guy on the scene, however brief, when she was out all those nights. Leave it or touch upon later?
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Well...would you like it if the positions were reversed and she brought it up later?

I think it isn't worth it. You don't have any hard evidence, just behaviour on her part that might have been down to guilt. There is another very plausible explanation, though. Envy of her friend, essentially. Her friend who can do what she pleases, without any ties to anyone else, without a relationship that after 7 years must have some mundane parts about it.

Not enough to be worth poking at, in my opinion, but if you do leave it you need to really leave it. Not bring it up later. Not bring it up ever. Most of all, you need to leave it out of your mind, not just out of talking with her.
 
regulus said:
I ain't so cool after all :(. Look, I can't exactly keep on being an ass after she came to me wearing her heart on her sleeve. I'm optimistic but cautiously so. She has quite a bit to prove to me and said so herself. From my side I can also make it easier for her by trying to improve some bad habits I had. I even said so in the first post that I haven't always been a perfect boyfriend to her.

I took her for granted, didn't always show much interest in her less serious issues ('Grrr, that Kelly can be such a bitch, guess what she said about Amanda today ..... Zzzzzz), etc. I didn't tell her as much but I will make more of an effort, unprompted.
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I suggest telling her as well. Actions speak louder than words, but many people pay more attention to words. At the moment, it's a bit gendered. Putting more weight on actions is somewhat masculine, putting more weight on words is somewhat feminine. Chances are that she'll consider the words more important than you do.
 
GordyR said:
Im not saying you're wrong mate but seriously? :eek:

Perhaps i'm the crazy one, I don't know... To me, cheating is never acceptable. Your statement, although very sensible, logical and commendable just shocks me rigid from an emotional point of view.

If I had been with a girl for 5 years and I found out that 3 years ago she had cheated, I would leave her without hesitation and be sickened by the fact that I hadn't known for 3 years and went on thinking all was fine.

Some of you may find it an over-reaction but it's just how I am.
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I wouldn't end a relationship over a one-off sex-only cheating. A relationship with someone else, yes. Sex with someone else, no. Got a bit drunk, shagged some random from a club? I can forgive that. It's not massively important.

Different people, different reactions.
 
Angilion said:
I wouldn't end a relationship over a one-off sex-only cheating. A relationship with someone else, yes. Sex with someone else, no. Got a bit drunk, shagged some random from a club? I can forgive that. It's not massively important.

Different people, different reactions.
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If my girlfriend did that to me, she'd be out the door and I'd never see her again (and I really love my girlfriend). To me, accepting and forgiving that would create a total lack of self respect, and if you don't respect yourself how can others, including the loved one.

I also agree with the lads on the flirting front, my flirting is kept exclusively for my girlfriend, and hers for me. Flirting is a suggestion, it may and probably won't ever materialise into anything, but the suggestion remains.

I'm not a jealous person at all, my girlfriend has friends that are boys and i have many friends that are girls. But there are certain things which are not acceptable (in my eyes) when you're in a relationship.
 
Angilion said:
I wouldn't end a relationship over a one-off sex-only cheating. A relationship with someone else, yes. Sex with someone else, no. Got a bit drunk, shagged some random from a club? I can forgive that. It's not massively important.

Different people, different reactions.
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Lol, wut? If mine did anything of the sort, she'd be out of the door in an instant!
 
Angilion said:
I wouldn't end a relationship over a one-off sex-only cheating. A relationship with someone else, yes. Sex with someone else, no. Got a bit drunk, shagged some random from a club? I can forgive that. It's not massively important.

Different people, different reactions.
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Wow, i'm actually genuinely amazed by how different some peoples views are regarding this. I couldn't even begin to contemplate staying with someone who had showed me so little respect and who clearly didn't love me in the first place.

For me it would be a swift, cold boot out the door. And I truly would not answer the phone to her ever again.
 
GordyR said:
Wow, i'm actually genuinely amazed by how different some peoples views are regarding this. I couldn't even begin to contemplate staying with someone who had showed me so little respect and who clearly didn't love me in the first place.

For me it would be a swift, cold boot out the door. And I truly would not answer the phone to her ever again.
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I think it's the people that would forgive their partner for having sex with someone else that are in the minority here mate.

Personally, if a girl I was seeing kissed another guy I would show her the door.
 
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