![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,770
- Location
- Auckland
Some people are affected by the thing you're observing on. The humour may be lost on them.
Friends with Aspergers....
- Thread starter BunnyKillBot
- Start date
Some people are affected by the thing you're observing on. The humour may be lost on them.
"A little learning is a dangerous thing." The symptoms are similar to other things, such as (at the serious end) Schizoid Personality Disorder, and (at the relatively trivial end) just being severely introverted. Self-diagnosis (or remote diagnosis of another) is generally to be avoided, especially if you're getting everything you know off t'web.
M
Soldato
- Joined
- 5 Aug 2006
- Posts
- 11,441
- Location
- Derbyshire
I agree, but I would still like to see someone who is in the position to help me.
I have been thinking this for 3-4 months now, the thoughts haven't suddenly apeared since reading this thread.
theres not really any help for adults if you get diagnosed anyway , its all aimed at kids and teenagers, but as someone said you need to talk with your GP who is likely to not have a clue.
it took over a year from me seeing my GP to actually getting a diagnosis and i was extremely lucky to get one as pretty much everyone he contacted werent interested in diagnosing an adult because of the cost involved.
Firstly, I would say it matters not whether this chap has Aspergers or not. He may or may not have a diagnosis - he may or may not have Aspergers. Just because he doesn't have a diagnosis does not necessarily mean that he does not etc etc. Therefore it is a moot point.
What you are specifically asking is how do I gain the trust and friendship of someone who does not obey social norms and seems disinterested in my offers of friendship etc. I guess you already know that answer to this one: common ground, shared interest, genuine interest with a realisation that not everyone wants new friends (I know I don't) and that all relationships need to be mutually beneficial to be successful. Therefore, if this chap through desire or hardwiring does not want to form that relationship then you are kind of wasting time. If you persistently invade what he wants with your own demands then you'll most likely end up alienating the bloke. If he wants to chill and listen to his music then I guess you just need to take a book or something and patiently wait for him to make the first move and be available when he does. You already know for a fact he maintains one relationship that is satisfactory to him - maybe like with everyone you need to stop raising your expectations towards what you consider normal and accept him for who he is which surely you would to do anyway if you was planning on getting to know him better etc.
What you are specifically asking is how do I gain the trust and friendship of someone who does not obey social norms and seems disinterested in my offers of friendship etc. I guess you already know that answer to this one: common ground, shared interest, genuine interest with a realisation that not everyone wants new friends (I know I don't) and that all relationships need to be mutually beneficial to be successful. Therefore, if this chap through desire or hardwiring does not want to form that relationship then you are kind of wasting time. If you persistently invade what he wants with your own demands then you'll most likely end up alienating the bloke. If he wants to chill and listen to his music then I guess you just need to take a book or something and patiently wait for him to make the first move and be available when he does. You already know for a fact he maintains one relationship that is satisfactory to him - maybe like with everyone you need to stop raising your expectations towards what you consider normal and accept him for who he is which surely you would to do anyway if you was planning on getting to know him better etc.
You can't fight social dynamics (or the lack of). Just move on.
Or you could be more adult and understand that all friendships are different, and other people might want something different to you? That said, friendship is not rational, so attempts to deliberately create one are doomed to fail: you either get on with someone or you don't. But yes: some people are hard to get close to (either because they don't want you close, or don't care if you are, or don't notice if you are) and this is usually spotted quickly by other people, who dislike the person concerned. If you don't like them, you don't like them. But do NOT try to change them - that's going to make at least one of the two of you unhappy. If otherwise you get on, just accept that you'll never get really close, and get the best out of what you do have.
M