Advice - Girlfriend & kids moving in

The Halk · 18 Apr 2012 at 02:01

Vespasian777 said:
This. Decent people see the children and know what to do. Idiots empty their balls and run away.

And harpies find a well meaning sap to pay for their spawn forever. I talked my mate out of getting financially involved with one a few years back. At that point she had 3 kids with 2 fathers. She now has 6 kids with 4 fathers.

I don't entirely blame single mothers who go "gold digging". They may not even realise they're doing it. But I think if I was to be financially struggling and meet someone who was not, even without being conscious of it the financial stability would appeal to me.

lofz · 18 Apr 2012 at 07:04

Just for the record I have a debt relief order and I'm under the momentum period until November so she is hardly a gold digger. If anything she has helped me out financially by helping with train fair to go and see her and the kids. She has also fed me. I can't afford to buy her a birthday present on the 23rd.

So gold digger she isn't

grudas · 18 Apr 2012 at 07:07

lofz said:
Just for the record I have a debt relief order and I'm under the momentum period until November so she is hardly a gold digger. If anything she has helped me out financially by helping with train fair to go and see her and the kids. She has also fed me. I can't afford to buy her a birthday present on the 23rd.

So gold digger she isn't

your life your choices.. i would probably try and help her a bit if she was a good friend of mine but no way would i get involved too much into it

if your age is correct i still think you got all your life ahead of you and you should create your own fresh family but then again if she can still pop another one out for you it will be all good i guess..

lofz · 18 Apr 2012 at 07:09

grudas said:
your life your choices.. i would probably try and help her a bit if she was a good friend of mine but no way would i get involved too much into it if your age is correct i still think you got all your life ahead of you and you should create your own fresh family but then again if she can still pop another one out for you it will be all good i guess..

We want a couple of our own once the current batch are a little bit older.

The Halk · 18 Apr 2012 at 08:04

lofz said:
Just for the record I have a debt relief order and I'm under the momentum period until November so she is hardly a gold digger. If anything she has helped me out financially by helping with train fair to go and see her and the kids. She has also fed me. I can't afford to buy her a birthday present on the 23rd.

So gold digger she isn't

Well, that does put a different light on it... a friend in need is a friend indeed etc.

It just sounds like the start of lots of sad stories is all.

lofz · 18 Apr 2012 at 08:49

The Halk said:
Well, that does put a different light on it... a friend in need is a friend indeed etc.

It just sounds like the start of lots of sad stories is all.

?

Pawnless Endgame · 18 Apr 2012 at 09:38

What's up with the responses about running for the hills? I thought the OP would only need a reason to be afraid if he owned the house. I know from personal experience that one of my old flatmates was kicked out of his own home (that he paid for himself) simply because his (then) ex-wife had kids and she gets to keep the house even though she hasn't paid a penny towards it.

chipachap · 18 Apr 2012 at 09:55

Monserrat said:
What's up with the responses about running for the hills? I thought the OP would only need a reason to be afraid if he owned the house. I know from personal experience that one of my old flatmates was kicked out of his own home (that he paid for himself) simply because his (then) ex-wife had kids and she gets to keep the house even though she hasn't paid a penny towards it.

That's marriage for ya! One of the reasons I'll never get married. I refuse to potentially sign away all of my possessions and earnings because some crazy bitch I was with had one of my kids and then felt like she had enough of it.

Back on subject though, it really all depends on the agency/LL and your own tenancy agreement. If you're wary about asking the LL/agency contact a 3rd party that would know more about the situation at hand.

Also Good Luck OP

edscdk · 18 Apr 2012 at 10:06

Tom0 said:
Whats so wrong about not wanting to raise another mans child? I mean some people are fine doing it, some are not. Surely if it's a well thought out opinion then it's not immature?

initially it does not seem like an issue, however after a while is a pain paying for someone elses kids all the time.. a simple micky D's is a £20 job... cinema is a £50 job... its also hit and miss weather the kids will accept you and be "good". there is no privicy.... holidays are gonna cost you a bomb... there is the extra mess... food and utility bills....

arknor · 18 Apr 2012 at 10:26

wannabedamned said:
I love how people post on here sometimes. Its like they live in somesort of make believe place. When replying to the op their mind has already created its own scenarios as how to the girlfriend is some sort of money grabber who just wants financial security. And is using the OP to achieve it.

So many immature people with absolutely no clue about aspects of real life. And it gets proven again and again when they post.

shes in social housing it what is likely a pretty desperate situation, you have to be careful about getting into relationships like this, does she really love the op and want a long lasting relationship? or is it just a way out of the situation shes in right now?

i wouldnt discount someone with kids aslong as they are in a stable and secure situation and this womans sounds far from that

Vespasian777 · 18 Apr 2012 at 10:29

edscdk said:
initially it does not seem like an issue, however after a while is a pain paying for someone elses kids all the time.. a simple micky D's is a £20 job... cinema is a £50 job... its also hit and miss weather the kids will accept you and be "good". there is no privicy.... holidays are gonna cost you a bomb... there is the extra mess... food and utility bills....

So it's family life then?

lofz · 18 Apr 2012 at 10:30

I've just phoned the agency, I await judgement. If the owner has a mortgage its a no because it will invalidate it as you need to have a job to pass a credit check. If she doesn't have a mortgage them moving in shouldn't be a problem providing the owner agrees.

We have other options to explore yet.

lofz · 18 Apr 2012 at 10:35

arknor said:
shes in social housing it what is likely a pretty desperate situation, you have to be careful about getting into relationships like this, does she really love the op and want a long lasting relationship? or is it just a way out of the situation shes in right now?

i wouldnt discount someone with kids aslong as they are in a stable and secure situation and this womans sounds far from that

I was going to move to her originally but we decided it would be better for the kids long term for us to move here as its a nicer house, better area, schools etc..

BigBoy · 18 Apr 2012 at 10:42

arknor said:
I wouldn't discount someone with kids

Agree Completely, My Dad took on my Mum and her 5yr old son (my older Brother) and they have been happily married 33 years this year!

edscdk · 18 Apr 2012 at 10:57

Vespasian777 said:
So it's family life then?

yes, but with someone elses kids.....

lofz · 18 Apr 2012 at 11:05

edscdk said:
yes, but with someone elses kids.....

It isn't quite such a big deal nowadays

Cuchulain · 18 Apr 2012 at 11:10

lofz said:
I would like to be able to name my girlfriend and her kids as living with me

Craig R · 18 Apr 2012 at 11:23

wannabedamned said:
I love how people post on here sometimes. Its like they live in somesort of make believe place. When replying to the op their mind has already created its own scenarios as how to the girlfriend is some sort of money grabber who just wants financial security. And is using the OP to achieve it.

So many immature people with absolutely no clue about aspects of real life. And it gets proven again and again when they post.

How is this being "immature" and having "no clue about aspects of real life"?

Cynical and untrusting, yes. But grounded in realism. If you honestly believe that no girl in this situation could possibly ever just be after someone who offers security, then it is you have has absolutely no clue. You're living in a fairytale land where every human is perfect and honest and trustworthy and would never do anything for selfish reasons, or out of desperation purely to improve their current situation.

It may very well not be the case with the OP and his girlfriend, but is none-the-less a distinct possibility and a valid point to raise.

aln · 18 Apr 2012 at 11:32

KaHn said:
Run away, run away run far far away.

KaHn

/edit :- I realise this may not be helpful

You've been with her for < two years, you've not properly lived together, and you're adopting her kids. You're moving too fast, but don't let common sense stop good.

Good luck mate.

lofz · 18 Apr 2012 at 11:36

aln said:
You've been with her for < two years, you've not properly lived together, and you're adopting her kids. You're moving too fast, but don't let common sense stop good.

Good luck mate.

I'm not adopting her kids yet! I would eventually though.

Why did I post here in the first place.

Thanks to those who haven't trolled.

can thread be locked / deleted or something please mods.

Thanks