The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
- Thread starter mattyprice4004
- Start date
Sounds like a no-go to me.
My first GF was quite similar to this in some ways and in other ways worse, I was quite a sucker at the time and just fell for her looking back and having a good think about it afterwards really made me think how I dodged a bullet there, its a good learning experience though helps you pick out the nutters.
Best advice is just to run the girl is nuts and in love with attention and cut her out your life before she ruins yours.
I don't think you were a sappy douche, you just thought there was still hope. You're just going through the usual stages people go through after a break-up. One thing I will say though, is to try your very best to drop the anger bit as quickly as you can - until you do, you won't be able to move on. I was angry as hell for a while, and all it did was cloud my thoughts and make things more difficult.
The loneliness is a killer, suddenly getting used to being on your own evening after evening is hard, very hard - I still have not come to terms with it and I'm a few months ahead of you; christmas was especially hard.
Just remember, things will get better (At least, that's what I keep trying to convince myself!
Just to balance out all the "woman are evil/crazy" posts, the bloke my sister was seeing was more manipulative and deceitful than any woman I have ever encountered. He was stealing her rent money, and also got her to sell all her stuff via one of his friends when they were moving in together. She never saw any of the money. Silly cow was blinded by love. 
Even now he's messing with her head trying to get her back, promising her a white wedding, a car etc (all of course, complete BS). He's some sort of kleptomaniac fantasist ********.
My brother's current GF lost absolutely everything to her ex who completely cleaned her out, sodded off and left her and the kids homeless.
So, it's not only women that can be obnoxious/plain mental. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Even now he's messing with her head trying to get her back, promising her a white wedding, a car etc (all of course, complete BS). He's some sort of kleptomaniac fantasist ********.
My brother's current GF lost absolutely everything to her ex who completely cleaned her out, sodded off and left her and the kids homeless.
So, it's not only women that can be obnoxious/plain mental. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Soldato
- Joined
- 24 Apr 2011
- Posts
- 5,455
Indeed. Delete that crazy ******* number my friend.
LOL i showed this thread to my missus and in particular that snippet and she just shook her head and said basically the same thing, get rid of the psycho.
Who in their right mind would give a diary to someone so that they can write when they think about that particular person??.
As my missus said to me, bat **** crazy.
Oh, absolutely ALL women are crazy, just to different degrees. There's "fun, cute" crazy all the way up to "decapitate your hamster and keep its head in my freezer" crazy. I've only ever been with one woman I'd classify as sane in all honesty. Probably says more about me than it does about them!
Need some advice on a fairly new relationship.
Quick bit of backstory to complete the picture:
Met each other 3 years ago via work.
Became friends and quickly became very fond of each other, both in relationships at the time so we ensured nothing happened.
About a year ago she moved back home to do a Uni course.
Fast forward to November:
Both being single we decide to date and give things a go over the distance. (About 1hr 30 journey, not much by some standards but does effect when we can see each other)
Generally seeing each other at least once a week but unfortunately not more than a day at a time.
When together things go rather swimmingly, close as ever.
However when we are apart we are finding ourselfs disagreeing and/or arguing over small things at an increased regularity. Obviously missing each other does not help things.
Unfortunately not able to see each other more regularly due to my work and her uni stuffs.
Its come to a head today from where we have noticed and we are questioning whether we are compatible for each other or if we could last with a LDR.
Im a bit torn on what to do in this.
In one hand, I adore her (and her me) and /really/ want things to work between us. We have both wanted to be together for a long time.
As said before, when physically together things are great.
In the other, I realise we cant seem to cope with LDR well and may be better off returning to friends until a point we can be together properly. Which will be a fair while down the road. (Also, if we are single again at the time)
Any ideas or advice to offer?
Quick bit of backstory to complete the picture:
Met each other 3 years ago via work.
Became friends and quickly became very fond of each other, both in relationships at the time so we ensured nothing happened.
About a year ago she moved back home to do a Uni course.
Fast forward to November:
Both being single we decide to date and give things a go over the distance. (About 1hr 30 journey, not much by some standards but does effect when we can see each other)
Generally seeing each other at least once a week but unfortunately not more than a day at a time.
When together things go rather swimmingly, close as ever.
However when we are apart we are finding ourselfs disagreeing and/or arguing over small things at an increased regularity. Obviously missing each other does not help things.
Unfortunately not able to see each other more regularly due to my work and her uni stuffs.
Its come to a head today from where we have noticed and we are questioning whether we are compatible for each other or if we could last with a LDR.
Im a bit torn on what to do in this.
In one hand, I adore her (and her me) and /really/ want things to work between us. We have both wanted to be together for a long time.
As said before, when physically together things are great.
In the other, I realise we cant seem to cope with LDR well and may be better off returning to friends until a point we can be together properly. Which will be a fair while down the road. (Also, if we are single again at the time)
Any ideas or advice to offer?
In my experience the 'when we are together it's great' aspect of long distance is merely a factor of both parties being more agreeable and placid (whether consciously or not) to avoid arguing/conflict during the brief 'special' period. During the normal periods the real personalities don't take such a backseat and the arguments happen.
Fast forward to a point when the distance is removed, time together becomes 'normal' and suddenly no longer a special occaison and the avoidance of arguments is removed.
Long distance creates an odd almost artificial dynamic during the short periods of togetherness and it's the behaviour when separate that I would pay more attention to personally.
I was in a relationship much the same and thought 'once we get to be together more it will be like the good times more often'. It wasn't, it was just like the previous normal periods of being apart except the arguments were happening face to face rather than over the phone.
Fast forward to a point when the distance is removed, time together becomes 'normal' and suddenly no longer a special occaison and the avoidance of arguments is removed.
Long distance creates an odd almost artificial dynamic during the short periods of togetherness and it's the behaviour when separate that I would pay more attention to personally.
I was in a relationship much the same and thought 'once we get to be together more it will be like the good times more often'. It wasn't, it was just like the previous normal periods of being apart except the arguments were happening face to face rather than over the phone.
Reppyboyo I'd say you need to get to the root of the problem - what is it that causes it? Is it your respective work lives? She may just hate where she is (or you do) and that creeps in. But you need to find the root of the frustration.
belive it or not, im 20 in june, lived with my partner for 3 years, i have a full-time job blah blah blah... and we are expecting out first child.
wasent planned but we are soooo happy that we are having a child.
ive had the lectures about being young and settling down etc... but tbh... this is what i want, i dont enjoy going out drinking on the weekends and hooking up with loads of people.
we have a arguments now and again but c'mon... what relationship dosen't? everythings stable for us and we have our own house (renting) and i have a steady income to support the two of us (and the child when born) and everything has been planned for a few years when our child starts school etc and my mother owns a company and will employ her.
for everyone that is not having a good time atm, be strong and do whatever makes you happy
wasent planned but we are soooo happy that we are having a child.
ive had the lectures about being young and settling down etc... but tbh... this is what i want, i dont enjoy going out drinking on the weekends and hooking up with loads of people.
we have a arguments now and again but c'mon... what relationship dosen't? everythings stable for us and we have our own house (renting) and i have a steady income to support the two of us (and the child when born) and everything has been planned for a few years when our child starts school etc and my mother owns a company and will employ her.
for everyone that is not having a good time atm, be strong and do whatever makes you happy
All of this gets a big YERP! Summs up which long distance is pretty much idea for the person sort of interested provided some one wants it no matter what...
Overall, I recommend poking both your eyes out over long distance (experience here, its been rubbish and it has improved which is a shame)
belive it or not, im 20 in june, lived with my partner for 3 years, i have a full-time job blah blah blah... and we are expecting out first child.
wasent planned but we are soooo happy that we are having a child.
ive had the lectures about being young and settling down etc... but tbh... this is what i want, i dont enjoy going out drinking on the weekends and hooking up with loads of people.
we have a arguments now and again but c'mon... what relationship dosen't? everythings stable for us and we have our own house (renting) and i have a steady income to support the two of us (and the child when born) and everything has been planned for a few years when our child starts school etc and my mother owns a company and will employ her.
for everyone that is not having a good time atm, be strong and do whatever makes you happy
Oh you're 20 you have no idea
at 23 you'll be in here with something mad (sorry 50% probably at 50% being a miserably fool...)
![[FnG]magnolia](/styles/overclockers/avatars/9.png){kind=avatar}
Caporegime
- Joined
- 29 Aug 2007
- Posts
- 28,768
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- Auckland
Generally speaking, LDRs are less likely to work than standard relationships. They're not impossible - there are at least two people on these boards who made it work - but they are harder and riskier.
If you can't cope with it then I'd suggest you don't try to force something which isn't working.
Oh you're 20 you have no idea
at 23 you'll be in here with something mad (sorry 50% probably at 50% being a miserably fool...)
He's not even 20 yet!
There are more options in life than either a) settling down at 20 or b) going out drinking with loads of people.
I know of a few people who settled down at your age and I can't say many of them are happy later in life. Hope that isn't the same for you.
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True, same with me. Im 29 and most of my friends are divorced, single parents or have different kids with different people. All of them say they wish they waited abit longer before settling down. There is more to life than,
Being born > Going through the education system > Going to a relationship > Getting married > Having a baby > End of life.
Fair play to you beasty6, hope you dont end up like them and it all works out for you
