Rule 2: Sever Contact With Your Ex
Before you argue, head right down to Erratta: Can I Be Friends With My Ex?, then find yourself right back here.
Think about how all of your emotional turmoil is tied up with the relationship between you and one person (and possibly their family and friends). You think staying in touch will help you get over that? No. Take a break from confronting both the source and reminders of that turmoil. Don’t call, text, email, read Facebook updates, visit, or have sex with your ex. Block their Facebook (not “hide feed,” not “unfriend”). Block their email and cell. If you live with your ex, move out. If you work with them, consider a transfer. If you share friends, spend time with other friends. Tell the people you spend time with that you want to minimize reminders, discussion, and anything else relating to your ex (unless you need to bitch. Limited venting can be cathartic if you don’t **** your friends off with too much).
Additional words of severing wisdom:
Minimaul said:
Do yourself a favor and remove the person from your life that chose to remove you from theirs.
“Do not contact your ex” doesn't mean that YOU don't make effort to contact them but you respond when they get in touch with you. Cause, I mean, you technically didn't contact them, right? Wrong. It means NO CONTACT WITH YOUR EX...Just because you aren't contacting them that does not mean you're properly severing. It means do not even respond to them. Do not take the bait to any comments that raise your hackles, pique your interest, slander or cajole your feelings into responding...Every single contact will set you back to a point so far behind that it takes longer to catch up and move on than if you had just severed and ripped that damn band aid off.
It will be hard and sometimes they get offended. Seriously! How absurd is that? They get offended because you're severing from them when they ripped your heart of out of your ass. It seems so absurd that it's impossible, but I assure you my fellow GoonyGoons, it happens more than you think. The ex [that doesn’t bother with these rules], most often, is trying to assuage their own guilt when they remain in contact. It's entirely selfish of them. Now it's your turn to be selfish, stop talking to them and accept things and move on. Severing is acceptance and moving forward.
You can approach the sever in many responsible ways. The best is to suggest that “I am going through a lot and don’t think it’s a good idea to stay in touch for a while.” The answer to “How long?” is “When I feel ready.” When is ready? See Errata: To Date or Not to Date Immediately , below.
What do you do if, after two weeks of a perfect sever, you crash through their apartment rip-roaring drunk in a Santa hat, catch them with some other loser, scream obscenities and spit right in their face? Here’s some fine advice about relapsing:
Chocolate Milk said:
Most people relapse at some point. The important thing to remember is that they will never respond how you want them to respond. Because what you want them to say is “I’m sorry, I love you, I’ll always love you, let’s get back together and pretend none of this ever happened”. And they’re not going to say that. And if they do, you won’t believe them, because hey: they did it once, they can do it again.
Finally, sometimes contact is inevitable. When forced into contact by accident or when you’re exchanging owned items, keep conversation cordial and short. Treat your ex like an acquaintance you don’t really want to get to know. Be nice, do your own thing.
The Breakup Megathread: Lushka16 severed, remains champ
Get reading, champ
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