The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Anyone been in a similar position to me?

I moved to London for a new job in the new year, my girlfriend came with me. We split up about a week later (wasn't 100% before Christmas, but we just put it off due to job hunting).

I'm not really upset from the loss, I'm more concerned that I'm now in a city where I literally know nobody. When I split up with an old ex whilst at Uni it wasn't a big problem, surrounded by friends and you could go out any night of the week for drinks and meet new people.

Now though I'm stuck in a Mon-Fri 9-5 job, my only spare time is at the weekends and I've got nobody to go out with! I'm not a socially inept hermit, but I didn't have the foresight to think that if it didn't work out with my girlfriend, I'd be forever alone!
 
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Quink said:
Thanks for the hugs.

The texts were very sexually explicit, describing what had happened in the past and what was going to happen next time they met up. :(

She's said she is so sorry, and 'it just happened'

I don't know what's going to happen now - my main concern is for our daughter (who is with me at home at the moment).

Life really sucks sometimes :(
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It didn't "just happen" she didn't just fall and land on his schlong.

I'm currently divorcing my wife, under similar circumstances, two daughters 5 and 7.

We split in September, i'm glad we did. Once that happens, its done. No going back.
 
Hugs for Quink!

benjo said:
Anyone been in a similar position to me?

I moved to London for a new job in the new year, my girlfriend came with me. We split up about a week later (wasn't 100% before Christmas, but we just put it off due to job hunting).

I'm not really upset from the loss, I'm more concerned that I'm now in a city where I literally know nobody. When I split up with an old ex whilst at Uni it wasn't a big problem, surrounded by friends and you could go out any night of the week for drinks and meet new people.

Now though I'm stuck in a Mon-Fri 9-5 job, my only spare time is at the weekends and I've got nobody to go out with! I'm not a socially inept hermit, but I didn't have the foresight to think that if it didn't work out with my girlfriend, I'd be forever alone!
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Sort of like how its been for me being back in England again. I ended up going back to uni and making some friends about the place but not regular meters as such. (so not that helpful, as a result I have signed up for pof and got to football with a mate regularly)

London has a million women on pof at very least (so I have found) so you at least stand a chance there to meet someone to have a few dates with or something.

Failing that ocuk meet at your place!
 
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pingwing said:
London has a million women on pof at very least (so I have found) so you at least stand a chance there to meet someone to have a few dates with or something.
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Other people have mentioned online dating to me too. I've been relationships pretty much since I was 15. I'm 23 now and I think the longest I've been single is about 6 months. It's what I'm used to, but I'm thinking it would be good for me to have some time to myself?

pingwing said:
Failing that ocuk meet at your place!
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Could probably fit about 3 people in my studio flat :p
 
benjo said:
Other people have mentioned online dating to me too. I've been relationships pretty much since I was 15. I'm 23 now and I think the longest I've been single is about 6 months. It's what I'm used to, but I'm thinking it would be good for me to have some time to myself?

Could probably fit about 3 people in my studio flat :p
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8 years and only 6 months single?!!? MAD!

Some time to your self to understand what you want is essential, but filling that with lots of video games or sitting about isn't all that sensible (take it from me, it's a bit of a waste of time and you'll crave what you had after a while). What id recommend is to try and enjoy dating for dating, ie maybe a bit of online dating but with no intention for trying to find a relationship, just having fun things to do with some random women. Make it almost a game just to meet nice women but really be aware that you are not replacing what you had with the ex.

Failing that go out with people at work and get horribly drunk once or twice... Bond with the work people could help you out there.

Also clearly pre drinks it is at yours :p
 
pingwing said:
8 years and only 6 months single?!!? MAD!

Some time to your self to understand what you want is essential, but filling that with lots of video games or sitting about isn't all that sensible (take it from me, it's a bit of a waste of time and you'll crave what you had after a while). What id recommend is to try and enjoy dating for dating, ie maybe a bit of online dating but with no intention for trying to find a relationship, just having fun things to do with some random women. Make it almost a game just to meet nice women but really be aware that you are not replacing what you had with the ex.

Failing that go out with people at work and get horribly drunk once or twice... Bond with the work people could help you out there.

Also clearly pre drinks it is at yours :p
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Thanks for the advice mate :) I think that's part of my problem, my intentions with females has always been to end up in a relationship :o I need to get out of that mindset otherwise I'll just fail when it comes to no intention dating.

I've got about 3 cans of beer in the fridge, it'd be a terrible place for pre drinks :D
 
benjo said:
Thanks for the advice mate :) I think that's part of my problem, my intentions with females has always been to end up in a relationship :o I need to get out of that mindset otherwise I'll just fail when it comes to no intention dating.

I've got about 3 cans of beer in the fridge, it'd be a terrible place for pre drinks :D
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Yeah I hit that wall once or twice before, chatting up women and getting half way through thinking "would I wife her?" then getting nowhere or back into pointless relationships. It takes a little time getting past it but worth the effort and wait really.

Haha! Ocuk friends bring brinks to share :p
 
Interesting... I've never thought that dating for the sake of it is really for me. I did open a Match account to try to get out of that way of thinking, but I haven't put much effort in - I really must try harder!
 
Me and my girlfriend found out 3 weeks ago she is pregnant. After much talking discuss etc we decided we wanted to keep the baby and everything was fine up until last night. Her mum has been against us going through with it since she told them.

Last night my girlfriend was at home with her mum and her mum kicked off big time, I can't be bothered to go into detail. This has completely thrown my girlfriend into a state where she feels that an abortion is now the best option. Something I feel I can't let her do, nothing has ever hurt like this in my life, I don't nothing but cry for the last 4 hours or so. I'm laying here in bed, can't sleep, can't stop thinking. What do I do?
 
Quink said:
Thanks for the hugs.

The texts were very sexually explicit, describing what had happened in the past and what was going to happen next time they met up. :(

She's said she is so sorry, and 'it just happened'

I don't know what's going to happen now - my main concern is for our daughter (who is with me at home at the moment).

Life really sucks sometimes :(
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20 years with someone is a very long time, and from one point of view, you should do all that you can to fix things......however, once someone has done the dirty, it is going to be virtually impossible for you to forget it and ever trust her again, you'll always suspect - and that is no way to live a relationship.
 
ManLoveRulesOK said:
Me and my girlfriend found out 3 weeks ago she is pregnant. After much talking discuss etc we decided we wanted to keep the baby and everything was fine up until last night. Her mum has been against us going through with it since she told them.

Last night my girlfriend was at home with her mum and her mum kicked off big time, I can't be bothered to go into detail. This has completely thrown my girlfriend into a state where she feels that an abortion is now the best option. Something I feel I can't let her do, nothing has ever hurt like this in my life, I don't nothing but cry for the last 4 hours or so. I'm laying here in bed, can't sleep, can't stop thinking. What do I do?
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Tell that old bitch to butt out of yours and your girlfriends business, you have to knip stuff like that in the bud :mad:
 
benjo said:
Anyone been in a similar position to me?

Now though I'm stuck in a Mon-Fri 9-5 job, my only spare time is at the weekends and I've got nobody to go out with! I'm not a socially inept hermit, but I didn't have the foresight to think that if it didn't work out with my girlfriend, I'd be forever alone!
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Simple. Arrange OC-UK meets. Go out. Prey on unsuspecting woman. Sorted.
 
ManLoveRulesOK said:
Me and my girlfriend found out 3 weeks ago she is pregnant. After much talking discuss etc we decided we wanted to keep the baby and everything was fine up until last night. Her mum has been against us going through with it since she told them.

Last night my girlfriend was at home with her mum and her mum kicked off big time, I can't be bothered to go into detail. This has completely thrown my girlfriend into a state where she feels that an abortion is now the best option. Something I feel I can't let her do, nothing has ever hurt like this in my life, I don't nothing but cry for the last 4 hours or so. I'm laying here in bed, can't sleep, can't stop thinking. What do I do?
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I remember reading the thread you posted when you thought she was pregnant. It's a really tough position to be in, you have my sympathy.

Can you try and rationalise it with your GF, what are her mothers main arguments against it?
 
ManLoveRulesOK said:
Me and my girlfriend found out 3 weeks ago she is pregnant. After much talking discuss etc we decided we wanted to keep the baby and everything was fine up until last night. Her mum has been against us going through with it since she told them.

Last night my girlfriend was at home with her mum and her mum kicked off big time, I can't be bothered to go into detail. This has completely thrown my girlfriend into a state where she feels that an abortion is now the best option. Something I feel I can't let her do, nothing has ever hurt like this in my life, I don't nothing but cry for the last 4 hours or so. I'm laying here in bed, can't sleep, can't stop thinking. What do I do?
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Say to your girlfriend, "how would you feel if your mother aborted you? No wait.... if she did then you wouldn't even be here now to answer that question."

Unless you're both 12 or something, then tell the mother to mind her own business and stop controlling her daughter and her future grandchild's life.
 
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