The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Well - fwiw Mrs Quink and I are still together. We've hopefully resolved some of the issues and we are back in the same house. 20 years together is too much to throw away - here's to the next 20 years :/ ^_^
 
mac1st3 said:
September is too far away, I'm stuck living with my most recent ex, we broke up in January when we realised we didn't really feel anything for each other anymore, she's moving up north for a job in August/September, but until then we're stuck living together, and I've got a box room :(
I need a sanctuary to escape from her(e) :p
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Is it just the two of you?
 
Never thought the hour would come where I would post something like this up.

I have been with the same girl coming on 9 years and now have a, lovely daughter of 18months, who I simply can’t bare to not see daily. And at the moment, that’s the only thing keeping me there.

A lot of BS has taken place over the years, she cheated, and then I cheated. She suffers from mental health issue which stem from been in social care from 2yrs old, not taken care off, been returned home to violence with a dunk uncle and a mother who still doesn’t give a toss.

Her father is a registered sex offender, her sister is dating another sex offender.

One min shes happy enough with me the next it’s a ****ing war zone. I do 2 things in my life, work and fish for salmon. When I am off fishing shes in a hump, but she’ll happily head out for a night and not bother coming home, nor let me know she’s not coming home. Phone is always dead at this point. And after almost every night there someone on FB texting her.

Constantly been put down for anything I do in the house such as lighting a fire, general cleaning, sorting the wee one. It’s all just wrong. Which has left me at the point now where I do sweet fa in the house unless I need to for myself or the wee one.

The thought of leaving my wee girl to this hell hole is unthinkable at the min but I don’t want to be there. My head is officially 6 ways since Sunday and the only person I want to see is my daughter.

My sister wants me to see a solicitor about the wee one but I just don’t know. I almost left a few weeks ago, ahd enough and broke down in front of her and went out to the lake for few hours, but I ended up back for the sake of the wee misses.

Stuck:mad::confused:
 
That sounds like an absolute train wreck fella, getting out and going for custody of the little one sounds like a better bet than sticking around.

I for one wouldnt want my little ones spending any time at all with her sister if thats the type of company she keeps... infact I'd bounce the guy down some stairs if was ever in the same room as my child.
 
Her sister would visit on occasion that her BF would let her out of the house. Control freak ffs.

We have social worker involvement and where close to getting rid of it but now am glad there looking in cause it keeps her on her toes.

I would love to get custody but its not feasible, I work 8 to 5 every day, I would have to quit work to manage it as there is no one able to look after her unless I get a child minder, and thats not worth it as it would end up leaving me and wee one skint every month after rent and the like.

My sister lives to far away to be off any help.

Things are just taking there toll at the min. I still love her but I just want out. I cant handle it anymore. And what I have said so far is just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on and on about the BS thats taken place but you get the jist
 
Have you looked at the benefits you might be entitled to? You may be able to get help with childcare costs. Also remember that your then-ex would need to pay child maintenance.

I would not want to leave a child in an environment where there are abusers and sex offenders in proximity.
 
Well thats the last time I trust anyone for a while, a week into a 5 month afghan tour I'm made single, literally out of the blue.

I had typed a massive list of reasons to post but since then its become clear that its all bs, and 'I didnt want to hurt you' is as much of a lie as everything else.

Good job I can take my mind off it for the next 4 months :(
 
There not in proximity while am there, I can assure you off that. problem is if I leave, she is known to make down right stupid decisions.

I must look into it and see what the craic is benefit wise. I earn 32k per year so am not sure how that would work out.
 
Rids said:
That sounds like an absolute train wreck fella, getting out and going for custody of the little one sounds like a better bet than sticking around.
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This.
Sounds like an awful situation for both you and your little girl. You say you still love her, but I'm betting once you've split up you'll feel differently once the initial feelings of hurt have passed. Not sure where I'd even start in regards to custody, but it doesn't sound like the kind of environment I would want to bring up a child :(

Boycey0211 said:
Well thats the last time I trust anyone for a while, a week into a 5 month afghan tour I'm made single, literally out of the blue.
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:( Were you together long? It sounds like you're better off without her! At least you are in a situation where you're guaranteed not to bump in to her in the next 4 months...gives you time to forget! Chin up fella.
 
FinglisHobbit said:
:( Were you together long? It sounds like you're better off without her! At least you are in a situation where you're guaranteed not to bump in to her in the next 4 months...gives you time to forget! Chin up fella.
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Not really, 5 months but I had made big changes in my life as I was feeling pretty confident it was something worthwhile and was going to last. Trying to forget but came out here thinking I was going back to someone :rolleyes:
 
That sucks. I imagine part of you will want to see her to sort things out because you’re away and might be feeling down anyways 1 week in to a tour. But from what you’ve said it sounds like it’s a good thing that you can’t see her. I think once lies come into a relationship it’s pretty much doomed. At least you’ve found out what she’s like sooner rather than later.
 
pretty much my thoughts exactly, although there were no signs of the bat **** crazy before I left so its really bizarre, in my mind things were going great so it was a massive shock, getting over it now as it was probably only a matter of time but think ill probably feel down again when its time to come home :/
 
Boycey0211 said:
Well thats the last time I trust anyone for a while, a week into a 5 month afghan tour I'm made single, literally out of the blue.

I had typed a massive list of reasons to post but since then its become clear that its all bs, and 'I didnt want to hurt you' is as much of a lie as everything else.

Good job I can take my mind off it for the next 4 months :(
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A lad I know whose been over there says it's a regular occurrence with guys being told it's over by letter or facebook, fair enough it must be difficult when you can't see each other for 5 months but surely telling them beforehand would be better than just sending a letter or telling them over facebook whilst at war :/
 
TaKeN said:
How we all doing?

I'm 2 months on.. and still feeling cack!
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funnily enough, im 4 months single today! but still hurts occasionally, given the circumstances of how we broke and what she did. dont think im ever not going to feel hurt by it as we were together for 4 years. but ive learned to live with it and ive moved on :)

but yesterday i went on my first date in 2 and a half years which was good and the girl is lovely :) weather anything happens is another question lol

The Saying "it always gets easier" really is true :)
 
FatFishMonster said:
funnily enough, im 4 months single today! but still hurts occasionally, given the circumstances of how we broke and what she did. dont think im ever not going to feel hurt by it as we were together for 4 years. but ive learned to live with it and ive moved on :)

but yesterday i went on my first date in 2 and a half years which was good and the girl is lovely :) weather anything happens is another question lol

The Saying "it always gets easier" really is true :)
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Good luck :)

MisChief said:
Almost 5 years single. WOOOOOOO!
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Do you not get lonely??
 
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