What did she do to cross the line?
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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What did she do to cross the line?
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She'd had a lot of problems with money, car insuracne had come up, and the car tax. Id already helped out with maintenance with the car, and clearly stated I could not afford to tax it. Ealier that one she had claimed she'd taken the money out of the ATM but could not tax the car since she didnt have all the documents..
Later on in the evening she decided to renew it online, and she said she would pay me back later on the next morning with the cash she'd taken out. However in the next morning she told me she didnt have the money and had pretended to take out the money. Basically making it plain I wasn't getting my money back
When I arugued this, stating I dont like being lied to and played with. She'd upcast something I'd done at the start of the relationship. (The fact Id kept in contact with an ex) But we had previously discussed this and put this to bed.
The whole ordeal questions our relationship, the respect and trust and this is a big breach. This week, she has asked me to travel for this funeral, I am I am now down on the cash because of what she has done.
Naturally I am very miffed off about whats happened and been given total lack of respect, and in order for us to have any future this has to change. I know that I am probably being harsh as her friend has passed away, but I am not willing to be downtrodden in such a way.
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double post sorry
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So she lied to you, and there are trust issues? I'd either get out or have a serious discussion about what the hell is going on... before things get even more complicated. I know it's never as black and white as that and it's easy for me to say as an outsider, but I think trust forms the basis of any relationship. Once that's gone then it's hard to maintain anything lasting unless you're willing to put a massive amount of work in? Even then, its difficult.
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Exactly! Thing is been seeing her a while now, almost of year. What happened in the past was put to bed at chirstmas and clearly she cannot let it go. Now shes just used this as an excuse when she needed the money.
Totally fed up, as I am trying to make arrangements to get the time off, so I dont have to go up and down motorways. Part of me cannot be bothered now. feeling totally gutted.
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IMO it all comes down to what you as a person want, if you love this woman and want to be with her then try to sort it out, sit down and say look this needs to change or im out of here.
but we are all human, theres only so much we can take, believe me.....
I added you on msn, to discuss IBS btw
Nothing's appearing to say I've got a request
please could you email me and then I can work out which one it was on I have a question for ya'll.
I have been 'dating' this woman for several weeks now, I only get to see her perhaps once a week as she's always busy with her pony. Anyway she keeps saying that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment, however, she is very flirty and lovey dovey with me when we're actually seeing each other. She invites me round to hers, she's been round mine ect. I'm just wondering if this will just slowly turn into a long term relationship without us actually noticing if we carry on or can I expect her to clear off?
I have been 'dating' this woman for several weeks now, I only get to see her perhaps once a week as she's always busy with her pony. Anyway she keeps saying that she doesn't want a relationship with anyone at the moment, however, she is very flirty and lovey dovey with me when we're actually seeing each other. She invites me round to hers, she's been round mine ect. I'm just wondering if this will just slowly turn into a long term relationship without us actually noticing if we carry on or can I expect her to clear off?
She's getting her pony fed by some other bloke during the week.
She wants a **** buddy. Bang her until it's boring and move on.
I know it'll look like I'm being glib, but I'm not. Woman rarely admit that's what they want, but if she's constantly flirting, is single and doesn't want a relationship, she probably just wants in your pants.
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Hmm.
So basically fooled around with a girl at the weekend, This is a girl who I've liked for years, and have always secretly thought she's perfect for me, even while going out with other girls over the years. I never knew if the feeling was mutual, but I always felt there was some unspoken mutual feeling, in the way we just 'got' each other. Anyway. Our paths never crossed in terms of being single at the same time in the past.
So back to Saturday night. It was pretty good at the time, just felt right... But now I feel weird for some reason. Like we did something we shouldn't have. I don't know if it's because it's too soon, and we're not even going out. Or maybe it's because we've been just 'friends' for so long and have now broken this barrier. And also I've not that long been single so maybe I feel like a **** for fooling around with someone else so soon.
It's not like this girl is a rebound though as such, as I say, I've always fancied her. Why do I feel like this?!
So basically fooled around with a girl at the weekend, This is a girl who I've liked for years, and have always secretly thought she's perfect for me, even while going out with other girls over the years. I never knew if the feeling was mutual, but I always felt there was some unspoken mutual feeling, in the way we just 'got' each other. Anyway. Our paths never crossed in terms of being single at the same time in the past.
So back to Saturday night. It was pretty good at the time, just felt right... But now I feel weird for some reason. Like we did something we shouldn't have. I don't know if it's because it's too soon, and we're not even going out. Or maybe it's because we've been just 'friends' for so long and have now broken this barrier. And also I've not that long been single so maybe I feel like a **** for fooling around with someone else so soon.
It's not like this girl is a rebound though as such, as I say, I've always fancied her. Why do I feel like this?!
'cos you're over thinking it!
just carry on and see what happens and if you/her don't want anything else cut it off ASAP and stay friends! i've fooled around with a few girls and im still friends with them..there's simply some attraction but nothing that can work in a relationship - in the cases i had.
In a totally not unexpected turn of events, one can imagine that we got back together for a few months, then broke up (again) about a month ago. I wanted to give it another chance, now I know better. Inb4 magnolia and his special **********
I've been here mate, you feel like you sold your soul for lack of a better term... While it's possible you could merely be over thinking it, in my experience you probably just need to talk to her... She may be feeling exactly the same and if not being friends for so long you owe her at the very least honesty... In all likely hood it if you both want to get together, then it will work out, if you end up just wanting to be friends with benefits... you still need to be on the same page....
I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this now...
Speaking as someone who has been through a god awful break up and still harboured some feelings for the psychotic witch in question, I know what its like to doubt your self and reasons for breaking up.... Although I never got back together with my ex its taken me months to come to a point where I'm over it... (Literally in the past couple of days...god I love epiphanys)
Don't feel too bad, you may have actually done yourself a favour in the long run, left over feelings can be difficult if you keep asking yourself what if, well you have answered that for yourself, what if turned out to be much of the same I'm guessing so you have no need to revisit it... my best advice now is just cut all contact, don't be a dick about it just don't reply to anything she says or does, give it a few months and you will eventually not be bothered at all...... above all else keep telling yourself that it WAS that bad, it WILL be the same and you DID the right thing...
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I need of some help.
Up till recently I have been in a good relationship for the last year. Communication, trust and respect were all good, just until we planned to get a place together. So she is in the process of moving out, there all sorts of hassle as her ex kicked off about selling the home, by trying to control her, things are really taking a toll.
Its gotten to the stage where she is extremely agitated by things I do wrong, small things like buying the wrong things at the shop, just silly little things that didn't used to matter that much, another problem is I'm constantly accused of not listening, but I have so much going on with my move as well, its been very hard for me to focus.
It was agreed that she was going to be moving to the east midlands, we`d be renting to start then to find a place together by the end of the year. Its now just 2 weeks until the set move date for her, and she is going to be moving into my house temporarily (with 2 kids).
I know that moving is way up there on the stress level, and I hope its just that. But I am starting to question if this is the right thing.
Up till recently I have been in a good relationship for the last year. Communication, trust and respect were all good, just until we planned to get a place together. So she is in the process of moving out, there all sorts of hassle as her ex kicked off about selling the home, by trying to control her, things are really taking a toll.
Its gotten to the stage where she is extremely agitated by things I do wrong, small things like buying the wrong things at the shop, just silly little things that didn't used to matter that much, another problem is I'm constantly accused of not listening, but I have so much going on with my move as well, its been very hard for me to focus.
It was agreed that she was going to be moving to the east midlands, we`d be renting to start then to find a place together by the end of the year. Its now just 2 weeks until the set move date for her, and she is going to be moving into my house temporarily (with 2 kids).
I know that moving is way up there on the stress level, and I hope its just that. But I am starting to question if this is the right thing.
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Sounds like its just the stress of moving. Like you said, you were fine until then I doubt she'd be moving her children across the country to live with you if she wasn't sure. Try communicating a bit more? In a stressful situation it's easy to assume your other half knows how you're feeling, etc... but they're not psychic.
I doubt she'd be moving her children across the country to live with you if she wasn't sure. Try communicating a bit more? In a stressful situation it's easy to assume your other half knows how you're feeling, etc... but they're not psychic.
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Sounds like its just the stress of moving. Like you said, you were fine until then
Thank you, I think so too. Ive just exited a tail end of a divorce. Still need to pay fees, and have a lot on my plate. Its also stressful as her 10 y/o is didn't want to move, afraid of loosing friends, it just all adds up. To make matters worse her kids dad is a control freak, he didn't want to sell the house and tried to set the house at a unsellable price as an attempt to make her stay in the same county. (Not going too far into this at this stage)! The ex might try to stop the move as she has given quite short notice, were only moving an hour away.
Its just all been a mess.
I am finding it very difficult to talk about it, she doesn't want to. Shes being very closed off and wanting more time to herself, and I am finding it difficult as I only want to be there to support her. - Sometimes Ive stepped over bounderies and come across as being 'clingy' its just made matters a whole lot worse.
