The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

[FatFishMonster]

i guess another thing that doesnt help, is when your on the outside of the relationship looking in, you only see what you lost, you see what you loved, you see the reason you were happy.

you don't see the hard times, the hurt and the arguments etc..

its because as human beings we are wired up to block out things that hurt us and to just remember when we were at our happiest.
its kind of like when a child breaks their favorite toy, they don't see what its become, they don't see the reasons that it is the way it is, all the want is the warm feeling of having that beloved toy back.

 

[ikillbears]

LOL not that kind of touch...

Fair play, our last six months sucked too but we didn't get to spend them together otherwise it would have been different. Why was it turd, did you just not get on in the end? How long did it take her to change her mind, I don't think my ex is, she planned it all without me.

Girls do come and go, maybe if I had your ex girlfriend I would be saying the same thing you are. Maybe if you had my ex girlfriend you'd be thinking a whole lot differently. If I were to write a 100 things I loved about her it would only take me 20 minutes.

I don't think you was in love with that girl, but that's cool you'll find the one eventually then you can tell me about how

Hey if she did want to get back I probably would, at least that's how I feel right now. It's because I hurt her so I'm to blame. If she randomly said it's not working then I wouldn't waste my time trying to fix something that can't be fixed. But I can fix everything if she could let me but she can't, don't blame her but what can you do.

She just posted this on Twitter

"All I need is someone to talk too. But its been so long since I've talked to anyone about ny feelings properly that I just can't anymore"

It kills me that I can't listen to her She said she felt sad a few times to me this year but I never knew she was this sad. It's hard online you can't tell.

how old are you ? first girlfriend ?

 

[Narj]

how old are you ? first girlfriend ?

LOL, agreed, some of these posts make me want to vomit.

I'm far too busy ticking things off my bucket list these days to worry about anyone but myself. Being selfish for a change feels amazingly good!

 

[MisChief]

LOL, agreed, some of these posts make me want to vomit.

Aww it's only because they're young and inexperienced (although I think Nate Silvers is only 1 year younger than me)

Splitting up with my ex of 7.5 years was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Didn't feel like it at the time (I was devastated), but you soon realise that there is so much more to life than just girls/guys and relationships.

 

[Narj]

Splitting up with my ex of 7.5 years was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Didn't feel like it at the time (I was devastated), but you soon realise that there is so much more to life than just girls/guys and relationships.

Oh yes, that feeling in the aftermath is damned awful but to be mulling over a split so much further down the line like some people seem to be doing is really not healthy. By not moving on, you're essentially crippling your ability to meet and interact with new potential partners.

On another note, I'm starting to get hassle from friends and family again lately about being single but the truth is, I'm getting so used to being independent and doing what I like that think I'd feel suffocated by the kind of relationships I've had in the past.

 

[MisChief]

Hassle from friends and family.... tell me about it! Although slightly different in my case, I'm struggling to find someone who I want to be with so I'd rather be single than be with someone who I'm not 100% happy with. I've been single for 5 and a half years now and I'm constantly being asked "Do you have a boyfriend yet?". Even my mums friends (who I don't even know) are asking me things like "are you not married yet??".... Jeez!

 

[DJMK4]

Given up on hope to be honest, if it happens, it happens, if it don't, it don't

Things always seem to go against me

 

[Narj]

Given up on hope to be honest, if it happens, it happens, if it don't, it don't

Just take advantage of the situation tbh. Plenty of my mates are jealous at the fact that I can go out and do all sorts of crazy stuff because I don't answer to anyone and I don't have dependents. The bit in bold pretty much sums up my attitude (and I know that the fact I don't want kids rules out 99% of wimminz anyway).

If it never happens, it just means I'll still be out enjoying myself or playing GTA XII when I'm 70 odd.

 

[DJMK4]

Just take advantage of the situation tbh. Plenty of my mates are jealous at the fact that I can go out and do all sorts of crazy stuff because I don't answer to anyone and I don't have dependents. The bit in bold pretty much sums up my attitude (and I know that the fact I don't want kids rules out 99% of wimminz anyway).

If it never happens, it just means I'll still be out enjoying myself or playing GTA XII when I'm 70 odd.

Yeah I understand this point, and this is what its been like as I have been single a while, I enjoy the freedom but then its also come to light recently that I miss certain things. I wouldn't rush in to anything, but yeh..

 

[jumpy]

but you soon realise that there is so much more to life than just girls/guys and relationships.

Say that again when you're passing 35 and you've already done a lot of the stuff you wanted to because you were free and single.
Perspectives, like people, change over time.

 

[Narj]

Say that again when you're passing 35 and you've already done a lot of the stuff you wanted to because you were free and single.
Perspectives, like people, change over time.

I plan to be doing at least 2 of my current hobbies/activities for the rest of my life

I'm guessing it's probably a bit easier once you head towards 40, because when you're around mid-20s to mid-30s, a lot of people you meet are in a mad rush to settle down, have kids and the like. That's a headache when you don't want the "cookie cutter" lifestyle.

 

[jumpy]

Ha, my experience is generally that people don't know what the hell they want, until they want it. Then it's usually too late, either to do the thing, or to employ some kind of damage limitation to protect yourself from their change of direction.

 

[Nate Silvers]

I was doing good keeping off her Twitter, then I checked it today and I'm seriously done with her now. She's posting how she wants to get laid. It's so trashy.


Reading her twitter has caused me to lose all my respect for her. She's NOT the person I fell in love with anymore. She's acting like the dumpee, she's putting stuff on there when she knows I look. It's full of depressing attention seeking crap, you'd think she got hurt. It's childish mind games that got us in this situation in the first place. She needs to grow up and get a grip. She used to be such a nice sweet girl, it's such a shame her new drinking lifestyle has changed her for the worst.

It's shocking to see how fast she's moved on. I'm starting to realize she never loved me but just used me because she didn't want to be alone.

I'm going out tomorrow night for the first time in five years. If she doesn't give a **** anymore then neither do I. She clearly doesn't want to work anything out, the relationships truly dead.

Pro tip, never go out with an only child, their entire world revolves around them.

 

[FatFishMonster]

I was doing good keeping off her Twitter, then I checked it today and I'm seriously done with her now.

There's loads of other stuff.

Reading her twitter has caused me to lose all my respect for her. She's NOT the person I fell in love with anymore. She's acting like the dumpee, she's putting stuff on there when she knows I look. It's full of depressing attention seeking crap, you'd think she got hurt. It's childish mind games that got us in this situation in the first place. She needs to grow up and get a grip. She used to be such a nice sweet girl, it's such a shame her new drinking lifestyle has changed her for the worst.

It's shocking to see how fast she's moved on. I'm starting to realize she never loved me but just used me because she didn't want to be alone.

I'm going out tomorrow night for the first time in five years. If she doesn't give a **** anymore then neither do I. She clearly doesn't want to work anything out, the relationships truly dead.

Pro tip, never go out with an only child, their entire world revolves around them.

ouch dude, id block it completely, that way your not tempted to check it later on.
i remember the final straw for me was seeing my ex claim that she loved the guy who was my best friend, after that i blocked her and shes never come off the block list.

 

[MisChief]

Say that again when you're passing 35 and you've already done a lot of the stuff you wanted to because you were free and single.
Perspectives, like people, change over time.

Ahh well I'm glad that I'm not anywhere near 35 yet

I agree with you though. Relationships and having family of your own becomes more important the older you get, but for the time being there are friends, family, career and hobbies that I can focus on which is why 5.5yrs on and I'm still not too fussed about being I'm single. Sure it would be nice find someone, but it's not the end of the world if I dont... not yet anyway. I'll start panicking when I reach 35

 

[jumpy]

I was doing good keeping off her Twitter, then I checked it today and I'm seriously done with her now.

There's loads of other stuff.

Reading her twitter has caused me to lose all my respect for her. She's NOT the person I fell in love with anymore. She's acting like the dumpee, she's putting stuff on there when she knows I look. It's full of depressing attention seeking crap, you'd think she got hurt. It's childish mind games that got us in this situation in the first place. She needs to grow up and get a grip. She used to be such a nice sweet girl, it's such a shame her new drinking lifestyle has changed her for the worst.

It's shocking to see how fast she's moved on. I'm starting to realize she never loved me but just used me because she didn't want to be alone.

I'm going out tomorrow night for the first time in five years. If she doesn't give a **** anymore then neither do I. She clearly doesn't want to work anything out, the relationships truly dead.

Pro tip, never go out with an only child, their entire world revolves around them.

She's going out and getting whacked and all of that, to forget about you, and as uncomfortable as you might find that and irrespective of who did what or who was right or wrong in your relationship, it is what you should be doing now, getting out and doing your own thing (whatever that may be) and not looking back.

Just to point out that plenty of us only children are perfectly well adjusted people

And reading through your post you come across like the only reason you're going to go and do stuff is because she is, and if she is why the hell shouldn't I?!

Hehe, to clarify, I'm not criticising you, this is more of an observation, but you are doing things as a response/reaction to her. That's not the way to be.
You need to do stuff where your only motivation is you.
This is why it is best to have no contact with ex's, no book-face, no *******, etc etc. It's harsh to be like that, but you have to make the effort to make the separation and regain some sense of who you are and what you want... with no outside influences, especially from someone who's porridge got all lumpy all of a sudden. Nobody likes to stir cold porridge, do they?

Ahh well I'm glad that I'm not anywhere near 35 yet


I'll start panicking when I reach 35

Bah, humbug! I try to limit my thoughts about getting older (having already passed that particular milestone).

 

[Atlas23]

Pro tip, never go out with an only child, their entire world revolves around them.

I would say the issue of a lawsuit is somewhat more pressing that the world revolving around them.

 

[Nate Silvers]

FatFishMonster - Reading her Twitter is actually helping me get over her. I'm starting to see the real her, the person she was hiding for the last eight years. She's regressed back to her teenage self. It's funny because she told me she's grown and wants to find herself. She's just running away from herself. She told me she's not looking to sleep around, that guys have to earn it. BS. She's looking for a rebound and she'll go out with the first person who'll accept her.

She's thrown away something we worked on for eights years. We were suppose to be moving in together, finally, together after eight years. I resent her so much for making me wait this long and then waking up one day and completely changing who she is.

The final straw for me is seeing how desperate she is to date someone else. After all the things she told me, they're all lies. I hate liars.

I wanted a relationship whilst I was young, to travel together whilst we are young. Being single sucks when you STILL love someone, I still love the old her.

jumpy - Yep you're right, she drinks to forget me and because she is depressed about her life. She even started smoking and I hate smoking. You know someone is desperate to change when they start smoking. Yeah man I only want to go out to break the love, I need to get over her somehow. I'm just angry and I want to get revenge, sigh. It's stupid.

I just can't separate from her, all those train journeys for nothing. I would travel 260 miles to be with this person. I regret apologizing so much and trying to fix problems. If she still loved me she would be talking to me. I realize when we fell out it was just her ticket out that she had planned for a long time.

No offense to only childs. Just most get all the attention and practically live off attention. They never had to compromise or take a back seat. I did like that about my ex, I always loved giving her attention but it's a double edge sword when you fall out with them.

When I saw she's looking to get laid it made me feel sick, it made my heart race so bad. I don't know what happened to her.

 

[Metalface Mark]

FatFishMonster - Reading her Twitter is actually helping me get over her. I'm starting to see the real her, the person she was hiding for the last eight years. She's regressed back to her teenage self. It's funny because she told me she's grown and wants to find herself. She's just running away from herself. She told me she's not looking to sleep around, that guys have to earn it. BS. She's looking for a rebound and she'll go out with the first person who'll accept her.

She's thrown away something we worked on for eights years. We were suppose to be moving in together, finally, together after eight years. I resent her so much for making me wait this long and then waking up one day and completely changing who she is.

The final straw for me is seeing how desperate she is to date someone else. After all the things she told me, they're all lies. I hate liars.

I wanted a relationship whilst I was young, to travel together whilst we are young. Being single sucks when you STILL love someone, I still love the old her.

jumpy - Yep you're right, she drinks to forget me and because she is depressed about her life. She even started smoking and I hate smoking. You know someone is desperate to change when they start smoking. Yeah man I only want to go out to break the love, I need to get over her somehow. I'm just angry and I want to get revenge, sigh. It's stupid.

I just can't separate from her, all those train journeys for nothing. I would travel 260 miles to be with this person. I regret apologizing so much and trying to fix problems. If she still loved me she would be talking to me. I realize when we fell out it was just her ticket out that she had planned for a long time.

No offense to only childs. Just most get all the attention and practically live off attention. They never had to compromise or take a back seat. I did like that about my ex, I always loved giving her attention but it's a double edge sword when you fall out with them.

When I saw she's looking to get laid it made me feel sick, it made my heart race so bad. I don't know what happened to her.

Your saying that but its not, just block her and be one with it. Hard to do, but somethign you need to do.

Out of sight out of mind. No easy way to do it.

 

[grudas]

Your saying that but its not, just block her and be one with it. Hard to do, but somethign you need to do.

Out of sight out of mind. No easy way to do it.

what I did with my ex was to pee her off.. and she blocked me I think it was the best idea tbh.. she was pee'd at me and it was easier for her... mind you she did cry around on the forums that I used to be a member at..