The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Diesel · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:18

So my ex-wife texts my new girlfriend yesterday (they were acquaintances a few years ago, obviously still had her number) asking her why she didn't have the courtesy to tell her about 'us'. :eek:

Apparently this was followed by Tweeting about how her 'friend' (really used in the loosest possible way) was now ******** her ex-husband!

I was all braced for World War 3 to kick-off but the girlfriend just shrugged her shoulders and was like 'I don't care, it's none of her business'. :cool:

Josh · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:21

Looks like I am heading for a maritial breakdown. Been on the cards for a while now tbh.

Never lived alone so this could be a whole new chapter of my life and to be honest if it does come to that I am bricking it. Plus trying to find a decent house share near London is a nightmare!

The__Malteser · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:22

Diesel said:
So my ex-wife texts my new girlfriend yesterday (they were acquaintances a few years ago, obviously still had her number) asking her why she didn't have the courtesy to tell her about 'us'. Apparently this was followed by Tweeting about how her 'friend' (really used in the loosest possible way) was now ******** her ex-husband!

I was all braced for World War 3 to kick-off but the girlfriend just shrugged her shoulders and was like 'I don't care, it's none of her business'.

In the GD, you normally read 'shag her mother/sister.'

You shagged her 'friend.'

Props to you!

ci_newman · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:23

JOSH86 said:
Looks like I am heading for a maritial breakdown. Been on the cards for a while now tbh.

Never lived alone so this could be a whole new chapter of my life and to be honest if it does come to that I am bricking it. Plus trying to find a decent house share near London is a nightmare!

How long have you been married? Can it be saved?

Josh · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:26

ci_newman said:
How long have you been married? Can it be saved?

Married 7 years, unhappy for around 3-4 which we both can see. I'm honestly not sure, she doesn't want to engage in any talks about it and although recognises the issues isn't concerned with trying to work towards fixing them.

All she says is "you need a single life and someone who will give you what you want"

All I hear is "I cba with you anymore, next..."

But thats is because I am currently angry.

Matutu · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:38

TrixiBuG said:
Wow...insecure is not the word!

Daft thing is, if you 2 break up (after she has got over it) she will probably look back at the relationship and think "OMG! I can not believe I was like that..."

How old are you both? (sorry if this has already been asked)

e: and is this her first 'proper' relationship (live together, engaged etc)

I am 27 she is 26. No she had a previous serious relationship for a long time, lived together etc not engaged though.

I just dont know thinking back to laugh or cry...... Its a sausage roll.....

Ur round next · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:42

Well my relationship is on the rocks its been going down hill now for a few months now she allways wants us to sort things out the next day and move on, me holding a grudge doesn't allways help

Im meant to be seeing her tomorrow not sure if I can be botherd anymore

glenimp617 · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:44

Matutu said:
I am 27 she is 26. No she had a previous serious relationship for a long time, lived together etc not engaged though.

I just dont know thinking back to laugh or cry...... Its a sausage roll.....

Women SHOULD NOT be around men whilst buying/eating a sausage roll

I thought everyone knew that!

Rich1988 · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:44

Ur round next said:
Well my relationship is on the rocks its been going down hill now for a few months now she allways wants us to sort things out the next day and move on, me holding a grudge doesn't allways help

Im meant to be seeing her tomorrow not sure if I can be botherd anymore

If you hold a grudge you're relationship won't work, it just breeds resentment and creates negativity whether you intend it to or not. decide whether you can let it go and move on or if you are unable to do that you have to think about ending it.

Long term grudges and resentment will cause a relationship to break down/be really crap!

TrixiBuG · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:46

Matutu said:
I am 27 she is 26. No she had a previous serious relationship for a long time, lived together etc not engaged though.

I just dont know thinking back to laugh or cry...... Its a sausage roll.....

Hummm...so its not emotional immaturity that's making her bat **** crazy...I don't get it!

Unless she got cheated on by her ex when he went to buy sausage rolls (or got cheated on by her ex with a sausage roll...) then it sounds like she might have some more serious mental illness issues (depression etc) which she is projecting on to you - you being the closest and most constant thing in her life.

Have you mentioned this as a possibility (not the ex sausage roll thing, but possibly being poorly)?

Ur round next · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:48

Yeah that's how it has been, She,s a really nice person when shes not on the vodka..

just for an example

Was my mates birthday party Saturday night she came down was all ok until she had 2 to many and tried to start a fight with one of my female freinds

Theophany · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:48

TrixiBuG said:
or got cheated on by her ex with a sausage roll...

Kinky!

TrixiBuG · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:49

Theophany said:
Kinky!

There would be pastry EVERYWHERE :eek:

ci_newman · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:50

JOSH86 said:
Married 7 years, unhappy for around 3-4 which we both can see. I'm honestly not sure, she doesn't want to engage in any talks about it and although recognises the issues isn't concerned with trying to work towards fixing them.

All she says is "you need a single life and someone who will give you what you want"

All I hear is "I cba with you anymore, next..."

But thats is because I am currently angry.

Unless you've done something monumentally stupid then it sounds to me like she has someone else lined up to replace you, you can't have a 7 year marriage and not want to try and save it unless there is someone else in the picture.

elmarko · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:50

Ur round next said:
Yeah that's how it has been, She,s a really nice person when shes not on the vodka..

just for an example

Was my mates birthday party Saturday night she came down was all ok until she had 2 to many and tried to start a fight with one of my female freinds

Sounds like a massive case of insecurity, I had an ex who used to get aggressive with other women around me when she was drunk.

Rich1988 · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:53

Ur round next said:
Yeah that's how it has been, She,s a really nice person when shes not on the vodka..

just for an example

Was my mates birthday party Saturday night she came down was all ok until she had 2 to many and tried to start a fight with one of my female freinds

Have you spoken to her in a calm way about how that behaviour is damaging your relationship, if she can't control the amount she drinks and not turn every time she does into a fight/aggro then she either cannot control herself or does not respect you enough to do so.
In that scenario you have two choices; 1. stay with her knowing that its likely to repeat over and over and over. or 2. leave.

If she is insecure see if there is anything you can do, have you been together a long time? its pretty usual to be a bit insecure near the start of a relationship

Ur round next · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:53

elmarko said:
Sounds like a massive case of insecurity, I had an ex who used to get aggressive with other women around me when she was drunk.

she is very insecure this is the problem

Ur round next · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:56

Rich1988 said:
Have you spoken to her in a calm way about how that behaviour is damaging your relationship, if she can't control the amount she drinks and not turn every time she does into a fight/aggro then she either cannot control herself or does not respect you enough to do so.
In that scenario you have two choices; 1. stay with her knowing that its likely to repeat over and over and over. or 2. leave.

If she is insecure see if there is anything you can do, have you been together a long time? its pretty usual to be a bit insecure near the start of a relationship

Iv spoke to her mate yeah sober she promise it wont happen again, she don't drink that often but when she does its double vodkas via a straw

Shes a retail manager she should know better iv been with her 16 months now, I met her on a dating site

Like I said shes spot on when shes not wrecked but when she is the other side comes out

Rich1988 · 20 Jan 2014 at 14:58

The best thing you can do then is just try and forget about it and dont hold a grudge, give her the benefit of the doubt this time but if it happens again maybe you have to look at whether she is right for you.

Ur round next · 20 Jan 2014 at 15:01

Rich1988 said:
The best thing you can do then is just try and forget about it and dont hold a grudge, give her the benefit of the doubt this time but if it happens again maybe you have to look at whether she is right for you.

This has happened 3/4 times in the past..Iv been to turkey with her last june was great I think a lot of her but cant keep going through this.

I think ill give her one more chance but ill sleep on it
Cheers guys