Best man speech jokes. Help GD!

Andybtsn

Andybtsn

Andybtsn

Don
Joined
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Location
North Yorkshire
So I'm probably in a different position to most best men in that I should have a number of options to make the groom and bride squirm as they are my sister and a best mate!

So can GD unite and help me with jokes about the whole situation?

Thanks!

The best ones I will use and let you know if they get any laughs :p
 
I found that having a secret rendezvous with the bride to be (fnar fnar - but ooer as it's your sister this time??) and getting all the juicy gossip out of her was best. All the stupid things he does, how he wooed her, quirky things he does round the house. Get all those and then just tell everyone at the speech. One thing our groom did was hate Jamie Oliver so much, he used to turn all his cookery books round on the shelves in the shops so he didn't have to look at his face. My wedding gift to them? Well the latest Jamie Oliver cook book, with a very heart felt loving message written inside so he had to keep it of course!

As for making the bride squirm, I've always been of the impression that you don't do that so much as it's "her day". Go to town on him though, just don't swear!

If all else fails and you're struggling though, finish with this poem. It will definitely create much laughter.

The Perfect Groom is a gentleman, never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile and keeps his face so clean
The Perfect Groom likes children and will raise them by your side,
And be a good father and husband to his bride
The Perfect Groom loves cooking and cleaning and laundry too
He’ll do anything in his power to show his love for you
The Perfect Groom is sweet, writing poetry from your name, the best friend to your family and kisses away your pain
Never make you cry or hurt you in anyway
And if this poem stands to be true, (Insert Grooms Name), you really are gay!!!
Click to expand...
 
One that I wrote but didn't have the guts to say at my best man speech

"Now as you all know Samantha is a girl with expensive tastes, thankfully Matt could supply her with many a perl necklass"

I chickened out as her gran was sat right in front of me.
 
Tell the one saying 'and I hope they have a great honeymoon in Wales' then get one of the wedding guests say they are not going Wales they are going the real place they are going, cue you then saying ' oh he told me he was going bangor\bang her for 2 weeks.
 
When I was best man for my brother, I opened with a line something like "I'm very pleased to be here today, since it means my brother has finally admitted that I am the best man"
 
Oh I forgot about the key one, I stole from someone who mentioned it here a while ago. I planted keys on several women throughout the day, including grandma and a pregnant woman (and one guy). At teh start of the speech I then asked all women with a spare key to the grooms chasitity belt/bedroom door to return them now that he is made a honest man. Everyone found it hilarious when a long line of women queued up to the top table to rturn their "key".

Sorry still not sibling related but funny none the less.
 
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Mr_T said:
One that I wrote but didn't have the guts to say at my best man speech

"Now as you all know Samantha is a girl with expensive tastes, thankfully Matt could supply her with many a perl necklass"

I chickened out as her gran was sat right in front of me.
Click to expand...

You done the right thing.
 
I am sure the groom is worrying about this being the most embarrassing few minutes of his day, although I can assure him that will be later on in the hotel room!

..used that last year.
 
Why not just do a normal speech without any of the laddish innuendos?

If you're funny you come up with your own jokes. If you're not funny you rely on people on the internet getting them from other people on the internet, who also got them from other people on the internet, which is what you have as suggestions so far!
 
dink said:
I am sure the groom is worrying about this being the most embarrassing few minutes of his day, although I can assure him that will be later on in the hotel room!

..used that last year.
Click to expand...

I find the sentence construction there quite clumsy. Can't imagine you got many laughs.
 
start with "I have been nervous about this speech all day and this isn't the first time I've stood up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand"
 
Mr_T said:
One that I wrote but didn't have the guts to say at my best man speech

"Now as you all know Samantha is a girl with expensive tastes, thankfully Matt could supply her with many a perl necklass"

I chickened out as her gran was sat right in front of me.
Click to expand...

Good, because that wasn't funny
 
If you and your sister still live in the same house....

I'll miss my sister now she's moving out but at least the constant smell of vagisil will be gone.
 
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