The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Mischief, he sounds a bit like me. I did the test and got the same result, "INFP" :/

I quite often shut myself away, and need time alone, to ponder, and relax, and not have to struggle with external battles. I let my problems get on top of me, I am secretive, it takes a-lot to get me to talk about my feelings. I am often unwilling to solve my issues and I push them to the back of my mind, where they sit, and get worse and worse, until something goes wrong or it becomes too much.

In relation to a partner, I do still shut myself away from them sometimes, but if I trust them, I take comfort in knowing that they care, and that they are there for me. The thing which I rely on the most, particularly when I am stressed, anxious and depressed (as I am at the moment) is the care of my family, friends, and my girlfriend.

I can go for a while without texting or calling her sometimes, but other times I cannot, I don't understand it myself. Sometimes the thought of talking with her is scary and I want to be alone, and other times the thought of not talking to her fills me with anxiety and faux lonliness.

Often I stop talking to people for quite a while, and then I become concious that it has been a while, and I neglect to contact them after I have this realisation, because I am scared about how they feel about the long silence. Which makes little sense, as it just gets worse.

Do be wary of the fact that it is incredibly easy to falsify your emotions via text, just because he says "haha" doesn't mean he is laughing, and just because he puts a cheerful emoticon doesn't mean he is necessarily smiling. He could be putting on a happy face because he has realised that he is having a negative effect on you/is making you worry or stress about him.

There is way way WAY too much of me in this. I am starting to feel a little low now :s. glad though how im not alone :P,
 
Haven't needed to post in this thread since July about my relationship but it looks like its over. :(

Things had really settled down between us, kids were getting on together and she even let me and my kids stay with her for a few days while my house was being decorated.

We had been talking about going abroad for a while and every time I brought it up she was all up for it. When I text last week to say shall I book tickets she said she wanted to leave it. I got annoyed because I thought why bother talking it up and when I mentioned it she blamed it on not leaving her youngest with the dad, which I accepted, sort of.

We had agreed to spend the Saturday and Sunday together with her staying over. I have a 2 year old who sometimes goes to my wifes cousin on the weekend (I'm widowed) anyway my GF made a big deal about me making sure I had the little one so we could spend time together. On Saturday morning she text to say she would come over but wasn't staying. She does this quite often, makes arrangements then cries off last minute and it just got to me so I ignored all her texts the rest of the day.

She text that night to say she is fed up with me putting pressure on her and I wasn't giving her space to breath. She had said before she couldn't give me 100% of her time and I said that was fine but recently it felt like I was given very little time. Writing this now I know I should have just backed off, let it slide and see if she made more effort if I made less - you know making it more of a "challenge" and I think I just came across as a whining female dog rather than "alpha male" don't give a monkeys if I see you or not. I would say I'm probably the first "nice" lad she's been with almost ever and I guess I just didn't float her boat after a while.

Pretty sure I've blown it here. This is the first relationship since my wife passed and I think I just tried too hard.

My GF asked for my key back. I asked if it really was over and she said yes I guess it is. I tried to reconcile things and she wouldn't have it so I asked her to stop texting and delete my number so I can make a clean break.

She didn't delete my number (probably waiting until I dropped key off) and text yesterday to say her internet was down and slipped in a little gibe that it worked before I touched it (didn't touch it just plugged the thing into the Sky box). You're probably going to say I didn't learn and still trying too hard but when I dropped the key off I left some flowers and just said I'm sorry I didn't give you the space you need. Don't have any regrets and you know where I am. Looked at the router and its got too hot on top of the receiver (which I gave her) and died, nothing to do with me. I could lend her a spare and she needed my help yesterday sorting out a MAC code. I left a note on top of the router saying "this is ******"

I'm a bit like this. I really want someone who wants/needs me. If the person doesn't want a talkative tactile person I am not for them.

I really don't know if mine is going to last. But if it doesn't I do have a much better idea of what I match with (or what I think I do)
I'd say if you are this type of person and she doesn't want that you shouldn't/can't change. It's just incompatible. I wouldn't want someone like her myself
 

Thanks Acme. Not all INFP types are the same though. My sister and I are both ISTJ but I see no similarities between us at all and will often disagree with each other :o

Well there's been some progress this week... We've been talking every day (apart from today) and he often messaged first, however it's the weekend now and he's still not asked to meet. I've not seen him for almost 3 weeks now, except for last week when I saw him for 2 hrs and had our talk..

Really trying to be patient but it's hard :(
 
And that pretty much confirms things.
All this introvert/extrovert stuff is bull****
You get on with who you get on with and everyone is attracted to different things.
The fact you said "I made the guy sit a test" sounds unexceptionally weird.
Had you have pulled that on me I'd have been like "WFT are you on?"

The fact you've not seen each other for three weeks says it all... Find someone who actually wants to spend time with you... If that's what you perceive your relationship needs to be!


:p
 
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And that pretty much confirms things.
All this introvert/extrovert stuff is bull****
You get on with who you get on with and everyone is attracted to different things.
The fact you said "I made the guy sit a test" sounds unexceptionally weird.
Had you have pulled that on me I'd have been like "WFT are you on?"

The fact you've not seen each other says it all... Find someone who actually wants to spend time with you... If that's what you perceive your relationship needs to be!


:p

she's a girl, girls love wasting time! the number of my friends that spend time with cheating, disrespectful etc guys is just crazy! and I'm sitting here and just nodding when they come to me for advice because I feel like I'm wasting my time even talking with them..

*buh buh he changed now, he promised.. it's only the 5th time we've been on brake*

pfthu.. grab him by the balls mischief and stop messing around, this way you'll get your answer now instead of 6 months down the line!
 
I really don't know if mine is going to last.

I've not read previous posts so unsure, but if you're using such phrases then imho, there's no point carrying on.

If you aren't sure its going to last then it won't, there should be zero doubt in a relationship and by holding on you're just damaging yourself. Make a clean break and it will do wonders for you. If your car was broken you'd be looking for a replacement before it finally gave up on you, relationships are the same. You've just got to let your head rules you emotions :)
 
Meh.. Easier said than done. When you've spent so much time with someone for the last 6 months to then all of a sudden end up not spending any time with them at all, it's difficult to just move on and forget about that person.

I decided to text him and say I've not seen him in 3 weeks and that I miss him. His response was, "I know! Meet up in the week? I'm at a festival otherwise woulda said today."
 
I decided to text him and say I've not seen him in 3 weeks and that I miss him. His response was, "I know! Meet up in the week? I'm at a festival otherwise woulda said today."

He went to a festival and didn't think to ask his girlfriend if she wanted to go with him? How does that make you feel in his scale of priorities?

If you were giving advice to a friend of yours in your position, what would you say to her?
 
Right, here with some good news.

Chucked my girl friend two weeks ago.

Met a girl off tinder on Tuesday, ragged her silly. Again on Thursday, now shes off at uni and she and I had a damn good time. If we are still both single at Christmas time, will probably bang again.

10/10 'relationship', would do again.
 
Right, here with some good news.

Chucked my girl friend two weeks ago.

Met a girl off tinder on Tuesday, ragged her silly. Again on Thursday, now shes off at uni and she and I had a damn good time. If we are still both single at Christmas time, will probably bang again.

10/10 'relationship', would do again.

:cool:
 
He went to a festival and didn't think to ask his girlfriend if she wanted to go with him? How does that make you feel in his scale of priorities?

If you were giving advice to a friend of yours in your position, what would you say to her?
Well apparently his friend had a spare ticket.

If I was giving advice to a friend I'd probably say leave him :(

Edit: so it appears he's gone to the festival with his female friend.. A friend of 12 years apparently and he's staying round hers tonight on the couch... Should I worry? :o
 
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Haven't needed to post in this thread since July about my relationship but it looks like its over. :(

<snip>

Sorry to hear this... not least because I see parts of myself in what you've posted.

I class myself as a "nice guy" too, and have come to realise that when women who've been treated badly by guys in the past say they're looking for a "nice guy" to have a relationship with then, typically, they're not. I used to think perhaps I should act more like a ****, but actually I just needed to learn that those women aren't compatible with me.

Good luck for the future.
 
Well apparently his friend had a spare ticket.

If I was giving advice to a friend I'd probably say leave him :(

Edit: so it appears he's gone to the festival with his female friend.. A friend of 12 years apparently and he's staying round hers tonight on the couch... Should I worry? :o

Whilst it's perfectly possible to have female friends you don't want shag as a bloke it's also not normal to completely ignore a "girlfriend" for 3 weeks if you actually have any interest in her.
 
Whilst it's perfectly possible to have female friends you don't want shag as a bloke it's also not normal to completely ignore a "girlfriend" for 3 weeks if you actually have any interest in her.

Yep, don't focus on the female friend (My best friend of 16 years is female, along with 3 other female friends 6+ years old that I have often stayed over at or even shared a bed with), focus on the fact that he is ignoring you more than someone should this early on in a relationship.
 
Well apparently his friend had a spare ticket.

If I was giving advice to a friend I'd probably say leave him :(

Edit: so it appears he's gone to the festival with his female friend.. A friend of 12 years apparently and he's staying round hers tonight on the couch... Should I worry? :o

I was about to say, "maybe it's mischief that went to the festival" all would have been well....

But WTF girl!
The dude can't be bothered to see you for three weeks "because of his issues" but can go see some other female, go to a festival, stay the night round hers and not invite or tell you what's happening.

Delete, block, unfriend, move on.
The dude is playing you like a piano string but you're too starry eyed to see it.

(Hugs) cos that's a **** place to be. :(
 
I wish it was that easy for me to take everyone's advice and just walk away.. But I'm a woman goddammit, I'm very emotional and find it hard to let go >.<

To be fair, he doesn't 'ignore' me. Sometimes he may take a while to reply (although he's been fairly quick at replying this evening) but he's never ignored me. As to not seeing me for 3 weeks... Other than when he cancelled on me 3 weeks ago, I've not asked to meet up as I didn't want to pressure him into seeing me. He's not bothered to ask to meet up either though and some days he won't text me and neither will I text him. I guess you could say the same about me 'neglecting' him, when actually I just want to give him space :o
 
I won't say much more than this:

Find someone who loves you as much as you do him. If it's not reciprocal in all the ways that matter then at the end of the day you're left loving not that person for who he is, but the idealised image of him that you have constructed in your mind and heart.
There should be no excuses or moments you feel you should worry.
Find someone who deserves all the care and love you obviously have and are capable of giving, but someone who makes you feel the same way.
 
As hard as you're trying to find reasons as to why he does all that, deep inside you know he's playing around :) the sooner you admit it the better it'll be ! I was dumping my ex and I was better than that while dumping her! :o
 
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