We need a bit of background to be honest. Do you mean in the sense of being used as a convienience?
The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread
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We need a bit of background to be honest. Do you mean in the sense of being used as a convienience?
Yes. They know they have you so will pull you in when they want you and let you go when they don't? I guess "string you along" is an alternative to "being used" but perhaps for different reasons.
Personally I'm very new to relationships. I was with the same person since my early 20s so missed out completely on the growing pains of relationships. I'm learning that over analysing every nuance isn't a good idea. Not to have a meltdown if its been more than a day without a text/call. To reduce that need for constant reassurance from a deafening scream to a quiet murmur. Its not easy..
Soldato
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The only thing you can do is follow your instincts. If you think something is wrong, there probably is something wrong. That doesn't mean the problem is on their side of course, but if you feel this way, it's always better to gamble and pursue that feeling than to not. Because being in a relationship where you don't feel secure is not worth much in the first place. So when in doubt, ask questions!
If you're asking too many and get dumped for it, well then it's time to ask if you screwed up because you were insecure, or whether things just weren't right.
If you're asking too many and get dumped for it, well then it's time to ask if you screwed up because you were insecure, or whether things just weren't right.
Just to give you some insight into my story. I got a young lady pregnant when I was 20, got married at 20 to her, divorced her when my son was 2, well she kicked me out saying she didn't love me anymore. I then went to live back with my parents, went through depression, had no job or prospects. Got over it with medication and started work in sales. When my son was 5 it was agreed that I have him full time temporarily, as she was in 'difficulties'. I have had him ever since as he has had a stable life since living with me, he is now 14.
Since the divorce I have had a 5 and a half year relationship, a 2 and a half year relationship, a 1 year relationship, 18 months break to go out and 'have fun', and then more recently a 1 year relationship went down the pan in May. In 2 of those relationships I have been cheated on, and one of those was a psycho red head, and the other has bipolar and other mental issues. The other 2 were normal but fell out of love with me for whatever reason. Funnily enough the ones that cheated were the single mothers... Go figure :/
I am now back on the single market, and had my first date with a lovely young lady who is a single parent. Now I also I have issues about the whole over analysing everything because of previous failed attempts. However, I will not let that deter me and I am trying to be the one in control of everything. After all we should wear the trousers
I'd be inclined to suggest you should just chill out as best you can and ride this one out. Something is obviously bothering her. You can either ask her what it is or see if she tells you in time.
Where are you meeting these people?
Urgh I feel pretty damn awful right now 
Signed back up to online dating but I wasn't expecting to get dates so quickly. (You normally chat for a week or two first, no??) Some guy has just asked to meet this week and I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on dates just yet. I probably won't be able to fully 'be myself' if you get what I mean, not after what just happened yesterday. Politely decline, delay, or just go for it?
Signed back up to online dating but I wasn't expecting to get dates so quickly. (You normally chat for a week or two first, no??) Some guy has just asked to meet this week and I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on dates just yet. I probably won't be able to fully 'be myself' if you get what I mean, not after what just happened yesterday. Politely decline, delay, or just go for it?
Urgh I feel pretty damn awful right now
Signed back up to online dating but I wasn't expecting to get dates so quickly. (You normally chat for a week or two first, no??) Some guy has just asked to meet this week and I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on dates just yet. I probably won't be able to fully 'be myself' if you get what I mean, not after what just happened yesterday. Politely decline, delay, or just go for it?
Go for it, might be what you need to snap you out of the current state of mind?
Caporegime
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Urgh I feel pretty damn awful right now
Signed back up to online dating but I wasn't expecting to get dates so quickly. (You normally chat for a week or two first, no??) Some guy has just asked to meet this week and I'm not sure if I'm ready to go on dates just yet. I probably won't be able to fully 'be myself' if you get what I mean, not after what just happened yesterday. Politely decline, delay, or just go for it?
First - be honest.
That is both to yourself and to the other person.
So be honest that if you are going, you are going because you want to go, and if you are feeling crap on the date, tell the other person why. Otherwise you'll just come across as a pretty crap date and he won't want to see you again.
Second - do what make you happy.
Go because you want to, don't go because you don't want to. There are no rules.
Personally, I'd go, it's an opportunity to get out of the house and not mope about like a lost sheep.
Just be honest with the guy "I'd love to meet, I might be a bit tender from a recent breakup but you sound nice so can we just go with the flow...
Just be honest with the guy "I'd love to meet, I might be a bit tender from a recent breakup but you sound nice so can we just go with the flow...
Heh lost sheepPersonally, I'd go, it's an opportunity to get out of the house and not mope about like a lost sheep.
Just be honest with the guy "I'd love to meet, I might be a bit tender from a recent breakup but you sound nice so can we just go with the flow...
Well I replied and said ok to meeting up. I don't want to mention anything about a recent breakup or previous relationships though.. I might start crying like I did this morning when my colleague asked me what happened
Caporegime
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Heh lost sheep
Well I replied and said ok to meeting up. I don't want to mention anything about a recent breakup or previous relationships though.. I might start crying like I did this morning when my colleague asked me what happened
Man up Tina !
Go buy some shoes.
Heh lost sheep
Well I replied and said ok to meeting up. I don't want to mention anything about a recent breakup or previous relationships though.. I might start crying like I did this morning when my colleague asked me what happened
I think I missed what happened a few pages ago but if you are that upset its probably best that you don't put some poor guy through some possible train wreck date just yet.
What if the poor guy is nervous and never done this kind of thing before?
Man up Tina !
Go buy some shoes.
Christ, no no not more shoes...
Some poor bloke is gonna have to give up his man room to accommodate all that lot in years to come!!
I use POF as it's free and I am not paying to use a dating site
You could be correct there, but I have close female friends who tell me that I am a typical 'nice guy'. I have old fashioned values and morals.
I think POF is full of nutters to be fair, possibly me included. If they were normal then they would be taken and wouldn't be on there. They all seemed good to start with and then it goes down hill. I know I have my faults, we all do, and each time I am trying to understand what it is I can do to better myself and be that better guy so that they don't look elsewhere