The OcUK Relationship Counselling and Hugs Thread

Akagi · 16 Sep 2014 at 11:47

I just fail to understand the rush, or even the desire to get back on the dating scene so quickly...

Fair enough to you I guess.

DiscoDave · 16 Sep 2014 at 11:50

MisChief said:
Yes I do. Yes it does matter.

Had it been my choice, I would rather talk for a week or so at least before even thinking about meeting up. There is no set period of time on how long it takes to 'get over' someone. I may still be upset now, but I could be fine next week?

It is your choice! Why did you feel obligated to straight up say yes? Why didn't you tell him that you'd rather wait a week before meeting up?

You're right, there is no "set time" to get over someone, but from what you've posted in this thread you seem to be going at this with some pace. Diving right back into it, even if it's just dating may or may not be a good idea. Going from crying at the mention of your ex/the relationship to (lets say) "attending" dates seems somewhat risky.

I still don't see why it makes much difference asking someone out on a date vs being asked out, either way two people have agreed to go on a date. But maybe that's just me/the male mindset.

Edit: Is it something to do with pressure? Is it less pressurising to be asked out rather than be the one asking? Does Asking someone out mean initially you're more emotionally invested? Is it a safety mechanism so that if it doesn't work out people can shrug it off and say "Well, you asked me"?

Guys?

Akagi · 16 Sep 2014 at 11:52

I'm going to back out now, I'm scared...

DiscoDave can have the baton, I shall declare my feelings neutral and watch from afar.

FatFishMonster · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:00

Acme said:
I'm going to back out now, I'm scared...

DiscoDave can have the baton, I shall declare my feelings neutral and watch from afar.

Calm down USA

CurryWurst · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:02

Acme said:
You said a few pages ago that you aren't likely to be on the dating scene again for a long while. And now, a few days after the break, you are on dating sites, arranging to meet up with people, while you are still emotional about the break up?

That doesn't seem like a good idea, you might rush into things as a "rebound" or a way to get comfort.

MisChief said:
I didn't say that? Or at least I can't remember saying that. Link my post?

Here you go, Sept 8th

MisChief said:
No it's not what I expected. I have a feeling that he wants to end the relationship but he just doesn't know how to do it in a nice way. I guess there is no 'nice' way really. Maybe he's just trying to wait it out and hope I will eventually lose patience and give up. If that's what he's trying to do then I think it's working. The less we talk and the longer I don't see him, the more I forget about him and the fact that I actually have a 'boyfriend.' I guess I'll wait a bit longer and see what happens. It's not like I'm gonna get back into the dating world anytime soon anyway.

Akagi · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:03

There it is! I am so happy that I'm not going mad!

DiscoDave · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:07

Acme said:
There it is! I am so happy that I'm not going mad!

Want the baton back?

. Although I'm guessing "anytime soon" could mean anything.

Akagi · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:09

DiscoDave said:
Want the baton back? . Although I'm guessing "anytime soon" could mean anything.

Yes it could, and no you can keep the baton.

ThundyCat · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:36

MisChief said:
I'm used to it, being the small minority of the female population here means I'm always having to defend and explain myself

I've got your back princess. x

DiscoDave · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:55

What was the gif that got removed?

loltim · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:58

ThundyCat said:
I've got your back princess. x

Lol.

Akagi · 16 Sep 2014 at 12:58

DiscoDave said:
What was the gif that got removed?

Would also like to know, but I don't suppose we ever will.

MisChief · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:01

CurryWurst said:
Here you go, Sept 8th

Thanks!

DiscoDave said:
It is your choice! Why did you feel obligated to straight up say yes? Why didn't you tell him that you'd rather wait a week before meeting up?

The date can always be rearranged considering a time and location hasn't even be agreed yet. I might feel fine or reasonably ok by the time we meet. Would it have been better to straight up say no? If I said I'd rather wait or if I said no he'd probably think ''oh she's not interested' and he might turn out to be someone genuinely nice and I get on really well with?

DiscoDave said:
Edit: Is it something to do with pressure? Is it less pressurising to be asked out rather than be the one asking? Does Asking someone out mean initially you're more emotionally invested? Is it a safety mechanism so that if it doesn't work out people can shrug it off and say "Well, you asked me"?

I was just a bit surprised and unsure when he first asked, because we had only exchanged like 3 messages. Had he asked to meet a week later I probably wouldn't even think twice about it and say yes.

DiscoDave said:
Although I'm guessing "anytime soon" could mean anything.

That's right

I said that when I was still in a relationship. I'm currently not in a relationship, that somewhat changes things.

ThundyCat said:
I've got your back princess. x

Heh thanks Thundy

FatFishMonster · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:04

So, spent the last night with the girl i mentioned a few posts back.

Soon as i arrived, could tell she was in a bad mood (i tired asking if anything was up, this made it worse...), was getting very annoyed at me at everything i did, as far as i can tell i did nothing out of the ordinary, i acted as i usually would, so that didn't exactly make me feel the best.. Her mood seemed to improve as the evening went on, but wouldn't have been a good time to have any form on conversation about things.

Maybe she was in a bad mood because she's just as frustrated at the situation as i am,
as i can imagine is just as hard for her.

anyhow, this situation needs to be sorted out, looking more likely that i will just leave things.

Acme said:
Would also like to know, but I don't suppose we ever will.

DiscoDave said:
What was the gif that got removed?

It was an Obi-Wan GIF saying "you are the chosen one"

DiscoDave · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:09

MisChief said:
The date can always be rearranged considering a time and location hasn't even be agreed yet. I might feel fine or reasonably ok by the time we meet. Would it have been better to straight up say no? If I said I'd rather wait or if I said no he'd probably think ''oh she's not interested' and he might turn out to be someone genuinely nice and I get on really well with?

I don't understand. Why agree to a date when you wanted more time to meet, and then look to rearrange it when you could have simply said you wanted to give it a week? Just doesn't make sense. If you need more time before going on a date because you're still getting over your previous one, you're clearly not ready to date.

MisChief said:
I was just a bit surprised and unsure when he first asked, because we had only exchanged like 3 messages. Had he asked to meet a week later I probably wouldn't even think twice about it and say yes.

Doesn't explain why you just said "yes" knowing you weren't ready. You were surprised and **unsure** so you said...yes?

MisChief said:
That's right I said that when I was still in a relationship. I'm currently not in a relationship, that somewhat changes things.

So going from in tears from a previous relationship and saying you won't go back on the dating scene to agreeing to a date in the space of a few days is a good idea?

Freefaller · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:09

ThundyCat said:
I've got your back princess. x

And I've got yours. Nice and close.

Diagro · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:11

Sorry but imo this thread is for random blokes to pine over upset women. and some Other blokes who failed at relationships who now wish they were women.

Not to mention a place for upset women to vent and get crap tons of sympathy from lonely men

Akagi · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:11

MisChief said:
I said that when I was still in a relationship. I'm currently not in a relationship, that somewhat changes things.

DiscoDave said:
So going from in tears from a previous relationship and saying you won't go back on the dating scene to agreeing to a date in the space of a few days is a good idea?

Diagro said:
Sorry but imo this thread is for random blokes to pine over upset women. and some Other blokes who failed at relationships who now wish they were women.

Not to mention a place for upset women to vent and get crap tons of sympathy from lonely men

I am half reaching for the popcorn bag, but the time isn't upon us yet, nor am I entirely sure it is coming.....

FatFishMonster · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:14

Diagro said:
Sorry but imo this thread is for random blokes to pine over upset women. and some Other blokes who failed at relationships who now wish they were women.

Not to mention a place for upset women to vent and get crap tons of sympathy from lonely men

Thanks for that incredible insight, we all bow down to your incredible wisdom

Dont like the thread, dont post.
There's the door

Toodles

Fuzz · 16 Sep 2014 at 13:15

MisChief said:
No, not buying anymore shoes!! But I can wear my heels again now - that idiot didn't like me wearing heels before because it meant I would be taller than him.

Ahhhhhh freedom to wear heels again!!

Hahaha REALLY! What a ****ing idiot.
Small man syndrome much!